News You Can Bruise for 2005 June 30 (entry 1)

(3) Thu Jun 30 2005 13:02 PST Gravlax:

     EXT. ILLINOIS COUNTRYSIDE - AFTERNOON 

			   GENERAL MCBOMBEM

             I just got off the phone with Washington. The
             Gravlax is headed towards Chicago. You'd better
             pray this device of yours works, doctor.

                           PROF. TOUCHFEELY

             I can't shake the feeling we're making a huge
             mistake. We haven't been able to establish
             communication with the Gravlax yet. For all
             we know its intentions are peaceful.

                           GENERAL MCBOMBEM

             By golly, I won't see the Earth destroyed
             just to test out your pet theories! Sergeant, 
             activate the atom ray!

                            SERGEANT JONES

             Sir, yes sir!

      CUT TO: 

      There is a huge EXPLOSION (STOCK).

      EXT. ILLINOIS COUNTRYSIDE - CONTINUING

      The area is covered with a fine paste of GRAVLAX.

                           GENERAL MCBOMBEM
                      (scraping GRAVLAX off his hat
                       with one finger)

             What _is_ this stuff?

                           PROF. TOUCHFEELY
                       (tasting GRAVLAX from his 
                        tie)

             It's cured salmon, General. Perfectly harmless.

                       (wiping GRAVLAX off his suit)

             As I suspected, the Gravlax came to this planet
             to lend its salty taste to little sandwiches
             and other light appetizers. But we were not
             ready for it. In our arrogance and blindness we
             assumed that because it had a name like
             "Gravlax" it had to be some sort of hideous
             B-movie monster. Perhaps one day mankind will 
             learn.

                           GENERAL MCBOMBEM

             It's delicious.

      Enter PETE, frantic.

                                 PETE

             Doctor, General. I just heard from the lab
             in Peoria. That signal the Gravlax sent from
             its ship -- it was aimed directly at its
             original point of origin.

                           GENERAL MCBOMBEM

             That could only mean...

                           PROF. TOUCHFEELY

             More of them are on the way.

      CLOSE ON MCBOMBEM

                           GENERAL MCBOMBEM

             We'll be ready for them.

                               THE END
                                 ...
                                  ?

Comments:

Posted by Kevan at Thu Jun 30 2005 17:45

Brilliant; my nagging memory was catching up at just the right speed.

Posted by Leonard at Thu Jun 30 2005 18:07

Thanks. If I did a clip-art-based web comic, those two would probably be the main characters.

Posted by Decklin Foster at Fri Jul 01 2005 01:24

(01:19:22) Decklin: http://www.crummy.com/2005/06/30/1
(01:21:29) Kelly: what the fuck was that?