My Seussical Life for 2005 September 11 (entry 1)

(9) Sun Sep 11 2005 22:26 You catch your breath and winter starts again, and everyone else is spring bound: We drove the 18 hours straight each way to and from Utah last week to attend my grandfather's funeral. Driving, I cried listening to Dar Williams. This summer has been very difficult for me. I feel like I'm mourning my fractured family for the first time in my life, though I know it isn't the first time. It is just the first time I'm neck deep in parenthood and trying to sift through all the poor nurturing that went on when I was a child, trying to find any crumbs of good that I might want to use in caring for my small boys. I've been so angry at my father and mother. Somewhere in my mind my grandpa got lumped in with all that emotion, so I've disregarded him for the past five years. Sad to say, I didn't feel the loss of his death until after the funeral when I visited with family at Grandpa's apartment. I walked into his bedroom, smelled his scent mixed with Old Spice calogne, and realized I once was a little girl who adored her grandpa. But it is too late. Dead is dead. Live and learn, I guess.

Dave says I need to eat more ketchup :).

Comments:

Posted by Frances at Sun Sep 11 2005 22:34

More ketchup, and more Frito boats, too.

Posted by Alyson at Sun Sep 11 2005 22:41

Oh, drats! I was just coming to delete this entry, but I can't very well do that if it's already Out There. I hate when I go brooding in public.

Posted by Rachel at Sun Sep 11 2005 23:19

*hugs*

Posted by John at Mon Sep 12 2005 10:39

Now that I don't live in UT any longer, my family has started reading my blog, so I literally can not write things like this anymore, if I plan on keeping peace.

Posted by Sumana at Mon Sep 12 2005 12:57

Here's wishing you the bluest sky

And hoping something better comes tomorrow

Hoping all the verses rhyme

And the very best of choruses to follow

All the doubt and sadness

I know that better things are on the way

Posted by Sabine at Mon Sep 12 2005 19:12

You are a good mom, never a question. You know what you missed and you are giving your boys everything they need and that most important thing LOVE.

HUGS!

Blessings my friend,
Sabine

Posted by Joe Walch at Wed Sep 14 2005 08:47

I am glad you didn't delete the entry. We are all working things through. Gayla, Dad and I had a good heart-to-heart about all of these things Sunday of the funeral. I think Dad had similar feelings about grandpa that you have expressed about Dad and Grandpa.

Every day we progress. Kraft dinner with ketcup will help us be strong as well.

Posted by Joe Walch at Wed Sep 14 2005 09:03

The great thing about life is that we will once again be with our adoring grandpa and the other mortal problems will be just a passing work-out-the-kinks moment. All is not lost, not for dad and his kids and certainly not for us and ours.

Posted by Kristen at Wed Sep 14 2005 12:34

Joe, you are an optimist. I, on the other hand have some doubts. I am glad you didn't delete it Aly, it is good to know others thoughts I say. I am sick, sick, sick of secrets!

Same with me John, same with me.