Jabberwocky for 2001 August 4 (entry 0)

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: How to Kill a Fish (With apologies to Martha Stewart)

1. Plan his new habitat for months while he lives in a crystal punchbowl on the kitchen counter.

2. Buy only the very best rubber pond liner and spend all weekend dragging and spreading it, pleating around the edges.

3. Lift a lot of heavy bricks to make pond edging. (Be sure to manicure all fingernails first).

4. Learn the Latin names for a lot of sedge plants.

5. Obtain special hose clamps from the auto parts store to connect tubes, filters, and whimsical turtle spitter.

6. Visit the nursery to get waterlillies and Egyptian papyrus.

7. Drain it, take it apart, do it over.

8. Fill with fresh water mixed with aloe vera fish stress reliever and ecological startup powder.

9. Wring yourself off, go into house to announce to fish that his new home is prepared.

10. Find him gasping and floating on his back.


© 2001-2006 Frances Whitney.