She really tried my patience today when she pulled my hair… and pulled… and pulled and pulled despite all my efforts. I know she was being naughty because she pretty much knows now that it is a no-no. When I say "be soft" she stops pulling soon after and starts petting my hair like I showed her. Not today. She was being evil and kept yanking. There is something about getting your hair pulled that makes the survival animal come out. Especially since the scalp is so sensitive to it. Needless to say I slapped her hand--the first physical discipline I have used on her. It felt good slapping her hand right after I pried my hair out of her fist, but then the guilt set in. I don't believe in physical punishments, I don't think they work. I think it teaches kids aggression is met with more aggression to fix a problem...newsflash-it doesn't work. Being the product of spanking, I am here to say that it makes you want to physically cause others pain, and you begin to like it. To clear that up: I don't actually like to spank Lily, never have wanted to go that far, but relieving my anger with physical aggression felt good, but only for that second I did it. Plus it didn't work. Lily laughed in my face, obliviously oblivious to the reality of it all, thinking it was a game, and proceeded to try and slap my arm and shoulder. Nice.
It is days like this where the annoyance list hits the max and I feel like crap for not being a perfect mom because if I am not, then my children are ruined for life and become complicated adults with irrational feelings and pent up anger. If anyone needs me, I am at the clinic getting sterilized.
![[Comments]](/nb//themes/Default/comments.png "10 comments")
(10) Tue Jan 17 2006 22:32 Back in the day:
I really miss when Lily couldn't walk and I could just stick her in her bouncy seat in front of a Baby Einstein movie while I took a shower. Or when I didn't have to have a children's gate to hike over every time I want to enter the kitchen, to keep Lily out of such things in there (trash, Tupperware, pots, pans, and cleaning supplies). I also miss when I could leave her in a room and she wouldn’t dishevel the book shelves and tear out every cd, movie, and book in it. Or one of my other fav's: throwing all her food on the floor, every piece, every spec, every time. I really miss being able to spoon feed her and Lily liking it.
- Comments:
Posted by Sumana at Wed Jan 18 2006 07:52
Kristen, thank you so much for this entry. I've only done a tiny bit of babysitting but I think you're exactly right about the ephemeral, illlusionary fierce animal joy of punishment through hitting.Some parents choose when to spank sort of impersonally, trying to keep their emotions out of it and using it as a special, shaming punishment for really dire offenses. I think of that as a 1950s Father-Knows-Best kind of discipline style and it wasn't the one my parents used so I have no idea whether it works.There are lots of different ways to parent and most kids turn out okay. You probably know this: there is no perfect mom, there is no perfect parenting method, there is no perfect kid. Jon Carroll wrote a column on the topic that you might like:http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2000/11/29/DD129623.DTL
Posted by Susie at Wed Jan 18 2006 09:27
I totally agree about the animal-instinct reaction to hair-pulling! That is so true. I also think it's ok that you slapped her hand - she hurt her mommy! And don't feel too bad, Obviously you haven't scarred her for life since she thought you were playing. You sound like a great mom to me!
Personally, I think spanking is ok in very rare situations, when the parent is not acting out of anger and when it might actually work (child is old enough to understand, immediate to the crime etc). (since I have so much parenting experience!)
I was the only one in our family to get spanked (naughty susie) except for when little Leonard locked his parents out of the house.Posted by Kristen at Wed Jan 18 2006 11:38
You were the only one that got spankings? Poor Susie.
Posted by rachel + at Wed Jan 18 2006 13:28
i got spanked once. for forgetting to do something. i remember it quite well. I cried. Actually i probably got spanked more than once but never by mom.
Posted by rachel + at Wed Jan 18 2006 13:29
PS Kristen I think you are a good mom. even if i have never met lily. i'm sure she will be a well-balanced girl.
Posted by Alyson at Wed Jan 18 2006 14:19
Thank you, Kristen. You've just explained why I can do nothing more than cry all day on Mother's Day. Amen to punitive hitting, too. I've never had a successful experience using that method, and unfortunately, I've tried plenty of times. Maybe because it is so hard to do without being emotional. Haven't succeeded in that aspect yet, so you give it a try, Susie, and let me know how it goes.
Posted by Kristen at Wed Jan 18 2006 18:54
Ahh, you guys are all so nice and encouraging. Thanks.
Posted by Susie at Thu Jan 19 2006 09:08
not Poor Susie, naughty Susie. I'm sure I deserved it! *evil giggle*. Oh, sorry Mom.
Posted by Betina at Fri Jan 20 2006 17:29
Bad Mom days are the worst. It is almost comforting, though, to know that other Moms have them. You are not alone, nor are you a bad Mom. Besides, in 20 years you can just give Lily Dr. Laura's latest book, "Bad Childhood Good Life" and tell her to get over it. She was, after all, pulling your hair. :)
Posted by Betina at Fri Jan 20 2006 17:29
Bad Mom days are the worst. It is almost comforting, though, to know that other Moms have them. You are not alone, nor are you a bad Mom. Besides, in 20 years you can just give Lily Dr. Laura's latest book, "Bad Childhood Good Life" and tell her to get over it. She was, after all, pulling your hair. :)