Tue Oct 02 2007 09:19 PST Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth: Just came back from a meeting with my supervisor. She is lovely but I'm starting to feel like I'm not cut out for a PhD. I'm not afraid of the amount of work, I just don't think I am smart enough! Of course you will all say of course I am because you all love me and are biased, but honestly I don't think I am and perhaps in your heart of hearts you agree. Oh well, we shall see how this year goes, if nothing else it will be fun. The good news is it looks like I can probably get Birkbeck to pay for my Serbian course when I thought I would have to pay it myself. The bad news is I went to said course today and understood about 10% of what was said. So I have to decide if I will stuck it out floundering or do the level 1 or some other as yet unthought of solution. Probably I should stick it out or I will never know enough to do research. The grammar I understand, it's the vocab--there is only so much you can learn in a month as opposed to a full year of study plus some that the others in my course have done. So. What to do. Hard decisions about that and my thesis. On top of that I still haven't heard a peep about any job and I feel like I'm spending entirely too much money just breathing London air. I'd love nothing better than to sit and mull and talk it all over with someone who understands and sympathizes and knows what's best. Unfortunately she is not available.