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(6) Sun May 15 2005 12:06 PST "Back in the Saddle" or "Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place":
Hmm. I finally have time to catch up. Here goes:
Our last night in California was pleasant. We went to a restaurant called "Sun-dried Tomatoes" for dinner in San Juan Capistrano. It was quaint. Susie had a really yummy pasta with sun-dried tomato sauce. I wanted that too, but decided I'd taste Susie's and get something different. So I went for the shrimp chipotle pasta salad. After eating about half of it, I realized there was no pasta in it; I think they gave me the shrimp chipotle garden salad by mistake. But I ate it nonetheless.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we watched Hotel Rwanda that night. I really enjoyed the movie. It was an eye-opener into another culture for me. I had never thought about the wants and expectations of the Hutu and Tutsi people before, expecially regarding the UN, foreign intervention, etc. Because of lack of involvement, over 1 million Tutsi people were killed. They waited for someone, anyone, to come, but no one ever did. Why didn't anyone ever come? I'm not quite sure, but I think I blame it on the incompetence of a certain international organization as well as Rwanda's lack of fossil fuels.
The cruise. Susie recapped it nicely; so instead of rehashing it, I'd like to instead write a user's guide to cruising. It could either be called "cruising for a bruising" or "you don't drink?"
- If you are a teetotaler, keep it to yourself. Our dinner company was a couple about our age. The husband could not believe that I don't drink. "But you are on a boat" he'd say over and over, as if that had anything to do with it. I would not do it on a boat, I would not do it in the moat. The wife asked if it was because I am Christian. Rather than get into a whole thing, I simply said yes.
- If you do drink, be prepared to lose your shirt. It is $6.25 a drink, except from like 7 am to 10 am, when they have the morning special for like $4 or something. It all just goes on your room bill until the end of the trip, like room service. Gambling is done the same way. I would really liked to have seen some people's bills at the end of the trip.
- Get an ocean view. Or, take your chances of being upgraded for free, like we were. It was so relaxing to listen to the ocean, be able to wake up to the sun rise, to read my scriptues on the balcony every morning. The only downside was that we had to close the door every time George from next door needed to smoke.
- Be prepared to see lots of boobs. The entire boat was done in some sort of Renaissance facade, and everyone was nakie because, well, it's art, or so I'm told. The supper club had a statue of David in it for the ladies I suppose. It got old. They should redo the ship with some sort of ocean motif, in my opinion.
- Go to at least one art auction, just for kicks and giggles. The auctioneer is a riot, and he doesn't even know it. He is the Wal-Mart of the art world, but refuses to understand this concept. He sells bulk art for quite cheap to second-rate citizens on a cruise ship. And he loves to brag that his art gallery does more business that Christy's. Well of course he does. Christy's is exclusive. But I am sure nothing goes for under $50K there. This guy's stuff was for a few hundred. It's funny to watch him spend 20 minutes talking about each piece only for no one to bid on it. But there is free champagne at the art shows, and he does give out art tips. For example, Itzchak Tarkay is the next Chaggal, while Peter Max is the next Picasso. So hop on the bandwagon fast if you want some sweet appreciation action. So he says. I didn't care for their stuff. He kept saying his paintings were given away as a steal, but I'm not quite so sure how liquid the art market is, so I chose not to invest. I'll have to investigate.
- Don't sit at the late sitting. Otherwise dessert isn't over until 10 pm, which means the entire thing is going straight to your thighs. We switched to the early seating, which is more fun anyway, because that's when all the old people eat, and they are far more entertaining that people our age. Our late seating dinner couple would fight in front of us, which usually ended in the husband leaving halfway through dinner to hit the bar. But the old couples would regale us with stories of Moses and Abraham and all the other plantation workers.
- Shore excursions can be fun. Pick ones that last all day. Otherwise you spend the other half of the day wandering around Puerto Villarta being called such things as Amigo, Honeymooner, or Romeo. Everyone wants to take advantage of you. So stick with the shore excursions. All the food is safe on those.
- There is no word for price tag in Spanish. So don't bother looking for price tags. Buying something is an art. If you want to inquire into something's cost, don't. Otherwise you'll enter the "I got screwed" zone. If you do decide to purchase something, be prepared to dicker. It's kinda fun to mess with them if you really have no intention to buy; on the other hand, they'll follow you for three blocks trying to seal the deal. Thus, we only bought Mexican vanilla and a bowl with chili peppers painted on it.
- Don't make the same mistake that I did about "cruise people." I thought the entire boat would be filled with adonis bodies that are buff and ruddy and don't really exist in nature, that I would feel fat and out of shape, and more or less ashamed to be seen with my shirt off. On the contrary. I was the most physically fit person on the boat. For some reason, cruise people are overweight and covered in tattoos. They don't work out (so I had the gym to myself most days, which was heavenly), and they don't care. So the sun-bathing factor is a Catch 22: you don't need to feel self conscious, because chances are you are the adonis on the boat; however, you may need to burn your eyes by the end of the week.
- Wear sunscreen. Neither Susie nor I got burned, meaning that we didn't have to look like lobsters at dinner.
- Do breakfast buffet style. They have the same exact food as in the dining room, but you can eat it by yourself while catching some rays. Only use the dining room for lunch and dinner.
- The best foods I would suggest to try included: Pumpkin Soup, Strawberry Bisque, Lobster Bisque, Sushi, Pineapple Sherbet, Lobster Tail, Escargots en brochette, anything with berries in it, Tomato Fennel soup, and the lunch time build your own burger with extra guacamole.
- Don't get sick. If you think you might (and I am not talking seasick) bring your medicine cabinet with you. The infirmary costs $60 to see a doctor, even with the travel insurance. A bottle of cough syrup cost me $8 while the Sudafed was $6. Sudafed doesn't work on me, so that investment was a complete joke. Also, if you think you might get the flu, as I did, wear pants and a sweatshirt. I got the chills in the Sierra Madres, and the bus was freezing anyway. So everytime we stopped, I would stand out in the sun amidst the mango trees to warm up while the tour did their thing. Bad idea. I gave myself heat exhaustion; I literally couldn't get my body temperature down. So when we finally got back onboard the boat that night, I had to strip and have Susie apply a cold washcloth to my person. So don't get sick; and if you do, come prepared.
- If you do get sick, you can always lay in bed with your balcony door open and watch teevee, like I did. It was a blast from the past. Susie and I watched "Rocky and Bullwinkle." Hence why I am giving every title two options, cuz that's how Rocky and Bullwinkle do it. I have decided that show has something to do with the Red Scare, but I haven't linked it all together in my mind yet.
- If you get fogged out of Mazatlan for an hour like we did, do NOT go out on deck. I think the boat's foghorn did some serious damage to my ears.
- The cruise director will try and be funny. He's not; but you can humor him and be nice anyway. However, if you are into fifth grade potty humor, he might just become your mentor.
- There is a new cuss word in my mind: TIPS. We prepaid our tips, but don't be fooled. Such tips do not include the maitre'd, shore excursion guides, taxi drivers, or your next door neighbors on the cruise, for that matter. What a joke. Since when you do have to tip a cab driver if you don't have luggage with you? I think the scriptures forsaw our day and this pathetic attempt to overtip us "Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing...." Be tip smart.
- Don't check luggage. You can get off the boat first!
- Love Cabo, hate Puerto Villarta. It's ok.
That's it for now. Hope this helps someone somewhere. Stay tuned until next time for "Moving Mania" or "The Rain in Moab."
- Comments:
Sounds like you had fun (minus the sickie part). I think all people who work too hard get sick when they go on vaca and give their bodies a chance to catch up. L. got really sick in London. You actually ate snails? I think you are supposed to tip cab drivers no matter what, even in Europe, which is Non-tippingLand.
I thought the same about cab drivers too, but maybe not in Hong Kong. John loved the snails.
I would have told the people that Alcohol kills brain cells more efficiently than cocaine. I never tipped the cabbies in Nicaragua, but one of the cabbies in D.C. had a dollar bill hanging from the mirror to remind you to tip (which he rubbed between his fingers to remind you). Another cabbie I didn't mind tipping because he gave us an extended history of the area on our way, and was really a funny character. he grew up within a mile of the White house.
I just got home from the grocery store and realized how grateful I am that you don't have to tip the bag people.
You'll be glad you bought the vanilla.
I hope so. I hope it wasn't really water. We bought it in a shoe store....