Make Dan ComplainTM
Official Rules

Introduction:

We at crummy.com are pleased to own the exclusive rights to the hit game Make Dan ComplainTM. And when we say exclusive, brother, we mean exclusive! These rights are so exclusive, not only are you not allowed to play this game, you can't even read these rules! We're just putting them up here to make it easier for us to sue you! (Which we were going to do anyway, so there's no need to get sore.) And now, the rules.

Equipment:

  1. One (1) Dan Helfman
  2. One (1) you
  3. One (1) means of communication between you and Dan Helfman

How to play:

Using the means of communication, ask Dan Helfman what he thinks of some object or concept x. Dan Helfman must come up with a articulate and/or funny complaint about x. To notify Dan Helfman that you are initiating a round of Make Dan ComplainTM and not actually asking him for an analysis of x, the time-honored formula "Hey Dan, what do you think about x?" should be employed. Not that it matters much, since Dan Helfman's actual analyses of things bear suprisingly close resemblances to his games of Make Dan ComplainTM.

Scoring:

If Dan Helfman can come up with an articulate and/or funny complaint about x, he gets one point. If not, he issues the all-purpose complaint "It sucks!", and you get one point.

Arbitration:

If Dan Helfman comes up with a complaint deemed to be inadequate due to its not making sense or general lameness, you get one point.

Sample games:

Game 1:

You: Hey Dan, what do you think about the speed of light?
Dan Helfman: It's too restrictive! It shouldn't be hardcoded everywhere! It should be configurable!
Result: Dan Helfman gets one point.

Game 2:

You: Hey Dan, what do you think about the state of Oregon?
Dan Helfman: It sucks!
Result: You get one point.

Game 3:

You: Hey Dan, what do you think about the Roman alphabet?
Dan Helfman: There are too many redundant letters! It's too inefficient!
Result: Dan Helfman gets one point.

Game 4:

You: Hey Dan, what do you think about the color green?
Dan Helfman: The color green blocks our waterways and impedes the development of cold fusion!
Result: You get one point. (Complaint makes no sense)

Winning:

The winner is the first player to amass 305 points.
Dan Helfman: 305? That's so arbitrary! It should be a power of two!
Result: Dan Helfman gets one point.


This document (source) is part of Crummy, the webspace of Leonard Richardson (contact information). It was last modified on Friday, August 17 2007, 22:36:33 Nowhere Standard Time and last built on Tuesday, October 21 2014, 00:00:03 Nowhere Standard Time.

Crummy is © 1996-2014 Leonard Richardson. Unless otherwise noted, all text licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Document tree:

http://www.crummy.com/
writing/
misc/
Make Dan Complain.html
Site Search: