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: I keep throwing Jar Jar out, and the crafty bugger keeps worming his way back into my life. His foppish mug now stares at me from twelve cans of Mountain Dew. Have you seen me?, he seems to say.

Oh, I got a Yoda PEZ dispenser yesterday, for solving a challenge in Linear Algebra. I've never had a PEZ dispenser before. The upkeep is enormous; it takes over a minute to load the darn thing. The candy disposal mechanism doesn't go far enough. You tilt Yoda's head back and he pushes the candy out about a milimeter. You still have to reach in, chucking Yoda under the chin (Hmm! Stop that! Tickles, it does!), and grab the candy. It should plop it out into your hand.

Also, the [who's the cat who's a funky sex machine for all the chicks?] spring-loaded shaft [damn right. you know, i hear that spring-loaded shaft is one bad motha--(shut yo' mouth!) i'm just talkin' 'bout spring-loaded shaft! (we can dig it!)] needs to have a little latch thing that keeps it extended while you load the candy.

And let's face it; using Yoda's (or anyone's) head as a means of dispensing candy is just plain creepy. I will bet ten to one that PEZ was invented by some crazy German guy.

Also, the PEZ candies are not very good. That said, I like the Yoda PEZ dispenser. But the thing I will not tolerate is the sucker which recieves radio broadcasts and transmits them to your ears via your teeth. There should have been a special section of the Geneva Convention disallowing that.

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