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: Technocrat (unintentionally) spins the news:

Naval-strength submarine-finding SONAR may be able to damage or destroy a whale's inner ear, causing it to become disoriented.

: Mike said: "not a segv story, but it could be". I agree wholeheartedly. I also endorse the breaded clams.

Go to the Linux Today discussion page for that story to see people use it as an excuse to write the same stuff they always write.

: What's there to live for? Who needs the Geekcorps?

: EMonks is like Project Gutenberg (in fact, it has all the Project Gutenberg texts), but without that old-fashioned insistence upon only transcribing public domain works.

: There is a business model by which a company puts up an e-commerce site which takes your orders and throws them away. Then you call their 800 number to complain and they ask you for all the information that their Web server tossed into the bit bucket the first time you gave it to them, and you perform the actual business transaction on the phone. I'm not sure where exactly the value to the consumer is in this, but it's a very popular business model, so there must be money in it.

: There is a bug in IE 5 which I curse, even though I've never used IE 5 in my life. This bug sends the page you were on as the referrer to the page you go to, even if you typed in a new URL or selected a bookmark rather than clicking a link on the old page. This means that my tidy referrer logs are cluttered up by IE 5 users who go to my site or to Segfault and tell me what page they were on before, even if that page has no links to my site or to Segfault. It annoys me.

I'm pretty sure this only happens with IE 5 users, which is why I pin the blame on IE 5.

: Mike and I are trying to think up the ultimate slanderous headline. A slanderous headline is one designed (as is its child article) to bring in page views from angry zealots who flame the author and increase the site's hit count. ZDNet columnists do this a lot, more due to a natural flair for showmanship than any edict from above, I believe. Anyway, my working slanderous headline is "Mac Zealots: Mozilla-Loving Dupes of Napster Linux Communists". Mike praises it as "concise and highly inflammatory."

It's sort of the anti-Katzdot, I guess.

: I was expecting to get set up with DSL sometime within the next two weeks. Ed informs me that if I wanted that, I should have ordered my DSL in April.

: foaf on browsers:

I can't tell you what my default browser will be on any given day. Both netscape and IE fight for ownership of my browsing experience and I have decided to go with the flow rather than choosing between the two. When either asks to be my default I just say "Sure, why not".

: Leonardonics: Singing animal naming convention, Then you endorse the breaded clams?.

: Science and Technology Daily and Arts and Letters Daily are not above writing eye-catching summaries of the articles they link to, summaries which have only a passing resemblance to the content of the articles.

So when I saw "Licking your wounds may soon take on a whole new meaning. It could even be a pleasant and tasty experience!" on Sci Tech Daily, I thought "There is no way the actual article says anything like that." Think again, Leonard. That is a verbatim quote of the actual article, which discusses potential uses of honey as an antibacterial agent. This usage of honey has the blessing of Aristotle, who as we know is always on the cutting edge of medical science.

Be that as it may, I don't think that licking one's honey-covered wounds would be either tasty or medically advisable.

: Mark has a cameo in this summary of the VA Linux Printing Summit, where agreement was reached between the superpowers to halt construction of orbital laser printers.

: It's not difficult to infer the licensing terms of software packages from their name and their Freshmeat description.

: With the sales department sitting behind me, I am privy to all sorts of industry dirt.

: You know what cracks me up? If you go to a map site and get a map, there will be options to show on the map locations of, eg. Dennys restaurants or Honda dealerships. "Yes, I'm planning a trip from Pittsburgh to Chicago and I want to know the location of every Honda dealership along the way." I don't get it. Companies pay to make this an option for users of the map service. Why?

: In my attempts to get Susanna a laptop, I have discovered another popular business model, where you set up an e-commerce site which falsely implies that the item your customer wants is in stock and/or that you will actually be able to sell the items in your catalog when someone orders them. The idea is to prevent your customers from buying what they want to buy, and to annoy them so that they wouldn't buy from you even if you had what they wanted.

Again, I'm not sure where the money is in this model, but the people who run these businesses must be pretty happy with it.

: Between the BART station and the office there is a large marble building which a glorious stone-cut mural on the front lets on to be the Marine Firemen's [sic?] Union. I don't know what to make of this building, because I can't see there being so many marine firemen in San Francisco that they need this big union hall. I think they subcontract the building out so that other unions can use it as well, because there is a banner in one window which says "PACBELL HONOR OUR CONTRACT", and I can't imagine why Pacific Bell would be dealing with the Marine Firemen's union.

: I know that this is funny, but I don't know how or why.

: This site claims that American washing mashines are inferior to their European counterparts. [Goofus designs heavy cars to meet weight quotas more easily.] I was disturbed (but not particularily surprised) by this, so I took pictures of the washing machine I use in my uncle's house so that, in the interests of international cooperation, its design could be critiqued by the readers of this site. I also took pictures of the dryer and the refrigerator, for good measure.

(All of those appliances are really old, but (and this is why I wasn't surprised) it doesn't matter, since the new models look pretty much the same.)

: Pictures from San Francisco: what passes for "gardens", dawn.

: Katzdot: Can Sex Stop American Lurkers?

: Things You Wouldn't Expect to Find on an AOL Homepage, part 430: Design Reverse-Engineering and Automated Design Pattern Detection in Smalltalk.

: Hey hey. Mike invited me to a book burning beach bonfire tomorrow. I'm there. I will be, anyway. Mike lives in my ZIP code (Is that a big deal in SF? It would be in LA.), just a few miles away.

: Protect us from the laws of supply and demand! Bring back the days of socialized electricity!

: Hacker crackdown, or cracker hackdown?

: I have to know: Who are Liam and Patsy?

: On the way to the bonfire I saw a Korean (?) church which advertised itself as "The Home of Christ" the way a restaurant would advertise itself as "Home of the Big Bacon Burger". I took a picture of it, but, unlike my other pictures, it didn't come out.

On the way home from the bonfire, I got lost and somehow ended up on the 280 (yes, the 280, myeh) and had to turn around. I know I'm going to get flak for complaining about the street layout of San Francisco, so I will acknowledge that there are parts of LA where the streets curve and split off and do weird things. And, by the same token, there are parts of San Francisco where you can drive for nearly two miles without running into a three-way stoplight or some other unholy freak of traffic control.

: I forgot to mention that on the way to Mike's house, I saw the famous dog with chef's hat statue from Zippy the Pinhead. I would have taken a picture, but there was nowhere to park.

: Consecutive Slashdot headlines: Linux In A Box, Linux on a Wrist Watch?. I predict Linux on a Wrist Watch In A Box? next.

: Windows: Wave of the Future or Sack of Bile? is not the follow-up to my Linux: Windows Avenger or Worm-Ridden OS of Filth?, but it could be.

: Wow, now that I've graduated, SEASNet offers Solaris. Which reminds me, I'd better move my Smokey compiler off the SEASNet machine before they shut my account down.

: I just committed my first line of code to an open source project. (There was a method added to another class at my request, but I didn't write the method, I just called it.)

: Wow, where did the day go? It went on the rails, of course. It couldn't have gone...anywhere else.

: After many false starts, Susanna now has a computer. Huzzah!

: Anachronisms in my history of Rome book:

[Republican] Rome had also become the Mecca of fortune hunters from every corner of the Mediterranean world.

Oh yeah, I have a history of Rome. I got it in Washington. I'm reading it on the BART, which moves me through at the rate of about 10 pages a day. I really should read it while not on the BART, but I don't want to, on principle. I shouldn't even read it on the BART, cause it's a big book and it takes up a lot of space in my backpack. I should find a smaller book to read on the BART.

The book was published in 1939 (I {met him, got it} in {a candy, an antique} store), and is filled with underlinings and marginal notes that date to late 1944. So much of the text is underlined that I really have to question the value of the underlining, and most of the margin notes take parts of the text and put it into list form.

There's one margin note that made me laugh out loud when I saw it. The relevant passage (it's circled) is:

Except for the Jews, then victors over Antiochus in Palestine, the Carthaginians were the last great representatives of the Semites until the rise of the Arabs under Mohammed in the seventh century A.D.

This passage has a big note off in the right margin saying "Jew". Why?

I think the reason it made me laugh out loud is that it reminded me of an old Dr. Katz (is that still running?) where the guy on the couch is talking about a stand-up audition he did. "So I go up there and I'm doing my act, and the guy says 'don't be schticky.' 'Don't be schticky.' You know what that means to me? We hate the Jews. 'Don't be schticky, Jew.'"

: These guys moved in a few weeks ago two floors below us.

: wmNetscapeKiller: a new web browser? No, it literally kills your Netscape session. It's a sure sign of a problem with your software when third-party applications spring up to compensate for and recover from its shortcomings.

Norton Utilities.

: Manoj's DJ name is "DJ Big Indian". Everyone should have a DJ name, and everyone's DJ name should be some obscure geeky reference.

: Pictures from San Francisco: The only bar I've ever seen with a mission statement.

: I got an honorable mention in the Be Dope Haiku Contest.

: Joshua Uziel (of uzi fame) has coined (?) the term "booth unbabe" to refer to Mark in his role as VA rep at Linux World Expo, and, more generally, to anyone who both works a trade show booth and is knowledgeable about the product he or she is representing.

: Jon finally sent me his pictures from the O'Reilly conference.

: I saw this in the Segfault referer log, and soon realized that the writing style was oddly familiar. Yes, Kris wrote it. Hi, Kris.

: Life imitates Segfault.

: And more Segfault, this time from me: Industry Unites Around Vague, Poorly-Defined Vision

: Co-Worker Josh wrote:

Sometimes, what seem to be little decisions can drastically effect an employee's performance and attitude... in this case, it was in a good way

Just for the record, I was affected in the same way as Josh. Although I would have said it a little differently. I would have said "Sometimes, decisions which seem to be little ones...", because grammatically that looks better.

Uh, the sentiment still stands, though.

: I'm worried about artificial intelligences that share the prejudices of their creators. I'm worried about plaid clothing and Espedrils. Do you know me? I'm professional Jack Gale. Your shoestring budget will be the death of you.

: Here is Twain's wonderful Fennimore Cooper's Literary Offenses

: This morning I was smelling a really nasty smell which I only remember smelling in Peter's office while I was sick. It's gone now, though.

: Wow, I got a whole lot of mail from real people (as opposed to mail from mailing lists I'm on) yesterday evening after I'd gone home. That doesn't usually happen.

Mark says Nick Moffit says I'm a genius. If only he [Nick Moffit] knew.

Mark also was unable to give me a definite answer to my question, so I pose it here (although I doubt there is anyone who reads this more qualified to answer it than is Mark). On Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, did they ever deal with the fact that gold-pressed latinum and all the other goodies for which the Ferengi sweat and cheat and lie can simply be obtained from a replicator for the trouble of asking for it?

: This is quite the bizarre banner ad, but it appeals to me. There's something about a fish swimming into a thought bubble that I find hilarious.

: Why are there no Amazonian women in fur bikinis in this picture?

: That blasted smell is back. It's got to be psychosomatic.

: -1 on the rocks! -1 on the rocks!

: Consensus (from Daniel Hsu and Sumana Harihareswara) is that gold-pressed latinum can't be replicated because its structure is too complicated. Sumana says you just end up with regular latinum. I find this highly unconvincing. There are not many things simpler than gold. In fact, there are exactly 78 things simpler than gold. But that's the semi-official explanation (Sumana got it from a Trek novel).

: The gold-pressed latinum issue is finally resolved, as the mysterious Steven points me to a page which exists for the sole purpose of answering peoples' snarky replicator questions.

Note however that I said "gold pressed latinum and all the other goodies...", but I'm tired of talking about this, so never mind. {NTK, NYCB} regrets that this correspondence is now closed.

: Report on Microsoft confuses. So does headline.

: The same person who wrote that headline probably also wrote Linux Desktops set.

: Joke forwarded from my mother:

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and
Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their
calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

 "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees.
 "They're naked, and so beautiful. 
Clearly, they are French."

 "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, 
"they have only an apple to eat, 
and they're being TOLD this is paradise.
Clearly, they are Russian."

Weird spacing, but it fits the joke.

: Gamera: Huge monster who destroys everything we hold dear, but it's somehow okay and he's our friend.

: Is it too difficult for Linux Today to put a conditional into their code so that it says "1 comment" instead of "1 comments"?

Also, is "1.00 foos" correct, or "1.00 foo"?

: Bruce Schneier plugs my Segfault story 13-Year-Old 'r00ts' Popular Polynomial, in his latest Crypto-Gram, probably because I'm the only person on record to have spelled his name correctly.

: I almost had to go to Windows to use Visio for my E-R diagram, but I was saved at the last minute by Dia. Plus, it's hosted on the lysator server, host of the beloved FTP site of my high school days.

: Segfault: IEEE Releases Floating Log Standard. Bryan Douglas (who didn't write that story but who did write Symantec Announces Genome Defrag) is writing Segfault stories faster than I can publish them. I may have to declare a Bryan Douglas day or something.

: Funny headline watch: Omaha Steaks Puts Meat on the Online Bone. It's the sort of story you'd have seen in 1997.

I, too, want to put meat on the online bone.

: Forum 2000 vs. Forum 2000... there can be only one!

: Here I am at the VA email garden with Mark and Nick Moffitt. "Mark is a k00l rad d00d," says Mark.

: Speaking of k00l rad d00ds, does anyone else remember that old "Geek Wars" ANSI animation? I think it was called "Geek Wars".

: I thank the nonexistant gods for having sent me two of the funniest emails I have ever read. First, Earn $50,000 in 90 days!! BY FAITH!!, which is your standard pyramid-scam pitch but which just goes on, and on, and on. It's like ten different spams all strung together. It comes to an end and then just starts up again. And again. And again. Someone read through this before sending it out to everyone on earth and said to him or herself, "You know, this is a consistent narrative. It really holds together well!"

Continuing the "faith" theme, Scott forwarded me "Life imitates Scott's mad ideas", Holy Qur'an in our DNA! Absolute Proof Islam is True!, all aspects of which were unfortunately made up out of whole cloth by this fellow, rather than being accreted over time so that no one person has responsibility for it.

: I'm going to write a Java applet which lets you put meat on the online bone. I announced my intention at LinuxWorld Expo, where the idea was hailed by the Linux community (well, by Mark).

: Leonard's LinuxWorld Expo 2000 Mini-Travelogue of Doom!

: I'd forgotten all about Saucer Smear until I saw a link to it today. Lots of fun stuff. I'll have to catch up on the back issues when I have more time. In the meantime, here's my favorite Smear cartoon:

: Funny Headline Watch: Security gates held open for "Love" virus, mutants.

: I don't know how this ended up in my referrer logs, but I'm glad it did. I guess that IE 5 bug can be a force for good as well as for evil.

: My two goals for today are to reach consensus with Jason and Ryan on the new Helm/Tigris database schema, and to use the phrase "Shall he/she/I dance for your amusement?" in a sentence.

: I have a confession to make. I don't like osOpinion. I can't read an OS Opinion piece all the way through. Just the fact that an article was published on osOpinion means, to me, that it is no good.

I've always felt sort of bad about this, since OS Opinion has the same reader-submitted article system that Segfault does. I like this system a lot, and I want to support it. But I don't need to read about other people's wild speculations. It's the equivalent of stretching Slashdot comments into full-length articles.

That said, there's an osOpinion piece published today which starts out with a very good line: "In the realm of computers, history will record the names of four significant men: Brian Kernighan, Dennis Ritchie, Bjarne Stroustrup, and James Gosling." I would have used words other than "realm" and "significant", but that's a really good opening line which is unfortunately left stranded at the beginning by the rest of the article.

Hey Dan, what do you think about osOpinion?

: Sci Tech Daily gleans from an article the question, Could your next ski holiday be on Titan? My sources say no.

: Oh, that's how the Atari docs got into my referrer log. They were posted on Slashdot beforehand. Damn that infernal IE bug!

: FHW: Scientists Advance on Tiny Computers. They're wily, those tiny computers.

: A plea: when talking about software, please don't say "commercial" when you mean "proprietary". A lot of people do this. A lot of free software people do this. Hell, people from CollabNet do this. Commercial/non-commercial and proprietary/free are axes of a plane, not ends of a continuum. 

I'm not trying to pull some ideological stunt here. I'm just trying to clear up the terminology. I ran a BBS for three years, and offered for download hundreds of packages of non-commercial but proprietary software. Nowadays, I get paid to write software which is both commercial and free. If I can't express these facts, there's a problem with the terminology.

: Good Segfault article from foaf: VAX Retirement Bodes Ill for Windows 2000. He snuck in a plug for Unuseless, and I let it stand, even though a link to the relevant Infoworld story would have been more appropriate.

: Debian-Advantages HOWTO. Is this really a HOWTO?

: I got that spam again. It's not as funny the second time. They should at least have varied it a little. Someone who was bored could implement that spam in the Dada Engine.

: I love you, Celeste.

: Manoj and I finally bothered to decode the Segfault background graphic (I don't know where we got it; I've got a message to Scott in the pipe about it). I recommend you try it.

: I might have dreamed this in one of my bizarre dreams last night, but I think there are people whose conception of vegetarianism (or, more likely, veganism) precludes the consumption of yogurt. I am eating yogurt right now, and I gotta say, it's pretty good. But wouldn't you want to stop eating plants before you moved on to not eating bacteria?

: CollabNet in shock acquisition!

: Boca Burgers are good. I endorse the breaded clams of the species Boca Burger.

: My Vision story was mentioned in Network World Fusion (that link will break in a week), but is it the print version or just online? Probably the latter. Still, good job, McCloud.

: Jake reminds me that yogurt is a dairy product. A "Duh" is in order for this, but it turns out to not be relevant, since the thing I remember is people not eating soy yogurt either. (Soy yogurt includes "starter culture", which, like "beef", is simply a code word to get us to not think about the organisms we are massacring. So yes, it is real yogurt.)

: Some folks at work got Aeron chairs from eBay, which arrived today. Every startup that purchases Aeron chairs for its employees is doomed to failure, so they had to get the chairs with their own money. I hope that the mere presence of the chairs is not what dooms the startups.

: I hope I never become the sort of person who goes to Burning Man.

: FHW: The next piracy panic: software. Software piracy?!?! Who would have thought?

: I should mention that the Aerons in this office come from a startup that folded, so perhaps the curse has run its course.

: It's not often that a news story includes the phrase "This reporter actually felt his esophagus constricting under the crush of an unseen Force."

: You may have noticed that the main page now gives you a Katzdot headline underneath the random quote. This is to better serve you, the Katz-craving consumer. I heard your cry, "Why do I have to click down into features and then go to another site to view Katzdot headlines, when you could just install Katzdot on your machine and give me a Katzdot headline on the front page?" Well, that seemed pretty convincing, so I went ahead and did it.

By the way, I spoke with Dan and he said he's going to do a Katzdot update in the near future. He's also working at LinuxCare for the summer.

: Michael Salmon just started work here yesterday, and he's already pointed out that what I thought was a CD player on my Thinkpad is actually a DVD player. If only I had some movies on DVD, I too could violate the DCMA by watching them on my laptop. But that would require buying some movies.

: Tim O'Reilly has a weblog which runs off of some Slashdot-style software, in that entries have a MAD Magazine-esque "department" field (which is different from the story type, the thing you run searches on). The thing is that every single story Tim O'Reilly publishes to his weblog is from the "worth thinking about" department. I think what he really wants to do is just turn that feature off.

Yes, I'm only linking to Tim O'Reilly's weblog because he came up with a kludge for the "department" feature rather than turning it off.

: Porno spam is funny. Japanese spam is, if not amusing, at least incomprehensible. Japanese porno spam is completely uncalled for.

: I forgot to mention that Scott did the Segfault graphic his own bad self.

: Tim also has a "something i just wrote" department. It turns out that Manilla departments are not like Slashdot departments; they're like Slashdot news types and Tim's site shows them like Slashdot departments. Damn, now I can't engage in petty semantic nitpicking. Or, more precisely, I have to find something else about which to engage in petty semantic nitpicking.

: Squeak Tragedy, with the obligatory bashing of my terminology. Okay, I know nothing about Squeak! I admit it! I should have used Python instead!

: Miniperl: because a bad pun is its own reward.

: Another sentence you don't often see in a news article, but which is always welcome: "Profanity has been restored and the style modernized."

: How is it that I keep hurting her? I try so hard not to.

: I have only good things to say about the people at Scour, but at the same time, I'm glad I don't work there.

: Segfault: Security Vulnerability Ignored: Name Too Boring. My heart wasn't in it, unfortunately.

: Here's the jumbo version of my favorite banner ad.

: These genetically altered superbees will be the downfall of the human race!

: Linux Weekly News takes a stand on a controversial issue: Let's move towards easier software installations.

: Today is Segfault's 2-year anniversiary! Huzzah!

: The June issue of Linux Magazine is finally on the web, and Segfault gets a whole paragraph devoted to it. The Onion comparison reminds me that I should get working on that story...

: I got Mike to draw up an info-graphic for Segfault that brings you up to date on a vital conflict of our time.

: This osOpinion piece is actually pretty good, mainly beacuse it has very little to do with anyone's OS opinion.

: I love the way the BBC publishes three stories on the same theme at once, viz: Pokemon virus contained, Economics lessons the Pokémon way, and Scientists Probe Cartoon Seizures.

: I have a bizarre interest in embedded Linux, apart from the variety of natural disasters associated with it. I say "bizarre" because I have very little interest in Linux per se. I'm not really interested in operating system-level stuff. I also have no interest in soldering wires and molding plastic casings and doing the other things that usually result in embedded Linux devices.

I also have little interest in what I've seen of embedded Linux devices. I don't really want an MP3 player for my car or anything like that. I think the stuff we're doing with Indrema is really cool, but I'm not into gaming qua "gaming", so I don't need a game console.

So why am I so fascinated by embedded Linux? I don't know. I know why I'm fascinated by Lego Mindstorms, and it's for a related but different reason than the one I can't articulate. I think that my subconscious has a really cool idea for an embedded Linux application, but before revealing it to my conscious mind, it needs a lot of information, thus causing in me a desire to read a lot about embedded Linux.

: "This has had a devastating effect on the credibility of music generally: it is no longer a socially unnacceptable art form." I don't know if that's a mistake or not.

: Celeste ordered me lunch from kozmo.com. She's so sweet.

Bleah: crummy.com is down due to some weirdness or other with my transfer of the domain away from Network Solutions. So here I am again, hopefully not for long.

ph33r by induction: My Segfault script kiddie polynomial story leads off the latest RISKS Digest. R0x0r!

Not much meat on a nematode, but them's good eatin'!: Underground, Meat-Eating Plant Found in Florida. The underground was good...and the meat-eating was the icing on the cake!

Another one for my scrapbook: Celeste and I have a brief mention in This LinuxWorld story.

The reason I don't update this as often as I do NYCB is that I'm lazy. I designed NYCB to accomadate my laziness, and Manila cannot match it. I have to click about 5 times and type in a bunch of fields to add an entry on crummy.editthispage.com; NYCB lets me do it in one click (I have a patent on this), and, although it makes me type a password, the password (unlike the title I have to supply to Manilla) is the same every time.

: Hey hey. Crummy is back. Thanks, Dan [Cox].

: Bizarre Press Release Watch: Shuffle Master Receives GLI Approval For Press Your Luck(TM) and Operating System. Look closely, kids. Someday you will tell your grandchildren of the days in which people who wrote press releases thought "proprietary" was a good word to use when describing their own products.

: We had a 401(k) meeting today. As of October I can sock away pre-tax income in an equity index fund, which The Motley Fool says is the best bet. I am inordinately excited about this. I am finding myself becoming excited about very strange things (strange things for me to get excited about, that is). I'm starting to worry about what my subconscious has planned. Something that brings together embedded Linux, bizarre press releases, and my 401(k).

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