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: I was never into G.I. Joe as a kid, so perhaps my outsider's perspective is what allows me to notice what no one else seems to see or care about, which is there are two completely different lines of G.I. Joe toys. There's the line of large dolls with realistic gear, a line depicting soldiers from the history of modern warfare. Then there's the line of unrealistic four-inch action figures with ridiculous names like Sgt. Hacker and Chief Torpedo, who fight the equally ridiculous Cobra Commander without ever having to answer to the brass or pesky Congressional subcomittees. Since to me, "same brand" == "officially compatible", I can't help but picture the scene in which Duke (the leader of the G.I. Joe team; there is no actual "G.I. Joe", which I suppose makes sense) is introducing some new recruits:

"Fellas, we've got some new Joes just out of boot camp. I'd like you to give a big G.I. Joe welcome to Blowtorch, who'll be heading up our pyrotechnics efforts.

"Also new to our team is Cross Hair, an expert sniper. He'll be working on disabling the COBRA network of spy satellites.

"And this is Private First Class Jimmy Hightower. He's eleven feet tall, and he speaks Navajo."


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