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[Comments] (1) : It's two years since my mother's death. When someone dies you're left with your mental model of that person. This is a kind of immortality but as immortality goes it's really terrible, because your mental model of another person is never good enough to give any satisfaction. It's the difference between a real person and ELIZA.

Except in dreams. The people in our dreams are simulations run by the brain, but we don't notice at the time. I dream about my mother all the time, and for a while I fool myself into thinking a few mental images are a real person. And I wake up and it's painful, like it always is when you realize you've been fooling yourself.

But that's not as bad as it gets, because sometimes I dream that my mother dies. I wake up and realize it was a dream, and I'm relieved. And then I remember that the dream was accurate, and it's worse. The mental-model sort of immortality is mostly good for keeping the pain fresh.


Posted by Claudia at Fri May 09 2008 19:12

I send you a hug.


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