Announcer: Time is 11 o'clock. Stay with us for Schickele Mix.
Announcer: Well, Mr. Schickele, we're ready for you.
Hold onto your hat. Here's the theme.
[theme: Mozart, Symphony No. 24]
Hello there, I'm Peter Schickele, and this is Schickele Mix, a program dedicated to the proposition that all musics are created equal. Or as Duke Ellington put it, if it sounds good, it is good. And I'm not just being a goody-goody two-shoes when I say how thankful I am that our bills are paid by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and by the National Endowment for the Arts, with additional support from the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, and from this superb and anything but superfluous radio station which suffers my presence pretty gladly and whence the fruits of my own creative suffering are distributed to the county at large and even beyond by PRI, Public Radio International.
And speaking of distances, you'll want to be sure to stay within earshot of your radio for the next hour, ladies and gentlemen. We have a Schickele Mix first.
That's right, friends and neighbors. For the very first time in the years-long history of Schickele Mix, the program today will include an entire opera. Yes, you heard right, boys and girls. We'll be hearing a complete opera later in the program. And here's the best part, guys and gals. You, yes you, will have a chance to win two free tickets to the opera.
That's right, you can win free opera tickets. We call this contest, Opera Win-Free. And take it from me folks, this is an opportunity you won't want to miss. Because frankly, mes dames et messieurs, we all know that some contests are really just a scam to get you to buy something. But let me assure you, friends, Romans and countrymen, that Opera Win-Free is on the level. No purchase is required. You don't have to travel anywhere.
You know, some of those come-ons are amazing. I got a thing in the mail recently that said that I had already won a prize. And all I had to do to collect it was put a down payment on a three acre lot that's part of an old estate in Florida called Pantano de los Creídos. And I thought, hey, an estate, that sounds pretty classy.
But I decided to look Pantano de los Creídos up in my Spanish dictionary, and it seems to mean Swamp of the Gullible Ones. And I'm like, whoa, maybe I...
[sound: irrelevancy alarm buzzes]
Okay, okay, there goes the irrelevancy alarm. I guess it is time to get down to the subject of today's show, which is not real estate that you walk on, but rather real estate that you wear.
Headwear. In fact, to start out with, we're talking about real estate that you want to be under, not on top of. There are some people who are forever associated with certain headwear. Abraham Lincoln and his stovepipe hat, Dizzy Gillespie and his beret, Minnie Pearl and her dime store special with the price tag still on it, um, Jackie Kennedy and her pillbox hat, Humphrey Bogart and his fedora, Fidel Castro and his army fatigue cap.
The hats that people wear say something about them. And as a matter of fact, I'll let you in on a little secret, folks. The radio show to which you are listening almost didn't happen. Because the host of the show almost didn't happen on account of a hat. My mother told me once that after she and my father had met and he had asked her out, he arrived to pick her up for their first date wearing a pork pie hat. And she said that was almost the end of it right there.
So be careful what you put on your head, Mr. and Ms. Fashion. Make sure that you're expressing yourself, and not just some whim of the millinery industrial establishment. But there's no doubt that a hat makes you completely dressed. The hat is the final touch if you want to be dressed to the hilt. Which brings us to our first suite. And we're going to narrow the subject down to women's hats, since women have traditionally been the more flamboyant sex of the species, hat-wise speaking.
You know, we live in such a comparatively hatless age that our younger listeners might be quite amazed if they could see some of the things women used to put on their heads. The Mind Over Matter, Hat Over Mind song cycle has four numbers and lasts about 12 minutes. Hasta la vista.
[music: Dylan, "Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat" (Blonde on Blonde); Bob Dylan]
[music: Murphy/Wenrick, "Put On Your Old Grey Bonnet" (The Essential Mills Brothers: Four Boys & a Guitar); The Mills Brothers]
[music: "Never Go Walking Without Your Hat Pin" (Elsa Lanchester Sings Bawdy Cockney Songs); Elsa Lanchester]
The wide wonderful world of women's hats. Our suite, called the Mind Over Matter, Hat Over Mind Song Cycle, began with Clifton Webb singing Easter Parade from Irving Berlin's show As Thousands Cheer. Then came Bob Dylan's Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat, which is a good old funny song. I say that, I mean I say that that way, Dylan has always had a terrific wit, but it's often been used as a very sharp weapon in his personal and political arsenal for fighting battles of great consequence.
And 1960s hats are such an easy target that this song feels like just a good old funny song. And Dylan has probably written about as many funny songs as Bach wrote funny cantatas. Anyway, then the Mills Brothers, in their inimitable laid-back fashion, sang Put On Your Old Grey Bonnet, and they spelled grey G-R-E-Y.
Now, is there any difference between G-R-E-Y and G-R-A-Y? I've always wondered about that. Anyway, finally, Elsa Lanchester gave us her advice in Never Go Walking Without Your Hat Pin. This CD makes sure to identify Elsa Lanchester as the bride of Frankenstein, even though her most famous role has nothing to do with these delightful music hall songs.
Boy, am I ever familiar with that typecasting thing. I mean, I'm a serious composer, but whenever people meet me, as soon as they hear my name, they say, Oh yeah, you're the guy who saw 24 movies in a row in 1960. You know, what can I say, but yes, I'm Peter Schickele. I'm also the host of the award-winning program that's with two Ms and an E called Schickele Mix from PRI, Public Radio International.
We're talking about being completely dressed here, which means wearing everything right down to, or rather up to, a hat. Actually, until recently, I haven't been a hat person myself. I don't like to cut off any of my Weltanschauung. I want to see as much of the world as possible. And also, a hat is just another thing to lose. But, as I approach geezerhood, I must say that cold seems colder, and glare seems brighter, and rain seems wetter.
Especially in what we German-Americans call Wetterwetter. And I find myself coming around to hats, and getting under them. My favorite hat, since the cowboy hat I bought in Billings, Montana, got stolen, is a cute little... Oh, man. Irrelevancy alarm again. Very sensitive today. Well, speaking of hats, folks, better put on your thinking caps, because it's contest time.
This is where you can win free opera tickets. Yes, it's time to play Opera Win-Free. Here's how it works, folks. I am about, for the very first time in Schickele Mix history, to broadcast an entire opera.
All you have to do is write on a plain piece of standard hotel-stationary-sized paper the name of the opera, the name of its librettist, the name of its composer, and the reason I'm playing it on today's show. Hold on to that piece of paper, I'll tell you later what you can do with it. About nine minutes later to be precise. So here we go and good luck.
[music: Barber, "A Hand of Bridge"; The Gregg Smith Singers/ Adirondack Chamber Orchestra/Smith]
And there you have it, folks, an entire opera on Schickele Mix. Now those of you who want to enter the contest, please turn your radios off so you can't hear me identify the opera for those who don't want to try for the free opera tickets. Okay, turn them off now, no cheating.
The name of the opera is A Hand of Bridge. The music is by Samuel Barber, the libretto is by Gian Carlo Menotti, and the singers were Catherine Axe, Faye Kittleson, William Carney, and Richard Mewins. Gregg Smith conducted the Adirondack Chamber Orchestra, and of course, the reason it's on this show is the contralto's obsession with buying a hat of peacock feathers she has seen in a store.
Okay, contestants, you can turn your radios back on now. Is everybody with us? Now, those of you entering the contest, send your answer sheets, plus a SASE, whatever that is. What is a SASE? The office told me to put that in. Anyway, plus a SASE and a signed statement saying, I'm 18 years old, no really, and yes I want to win free opera tickets. Then send the whole thing to...
Opera Win-Free, Hoople, North Dakota. Zip code, now you have to use the whole nine-digit zip code here, and that's 0000-000-PI. The names of those who have sent in correct answers will be put in a hat, and the winner of the drawing will receive two free tickets to any production next season by the Hoople Heavy Opera Company.
And let me tell you, they've got a great season planned for next year. A pair of delightful kids' operas called Hi Ho Fidelio and The Barbar of Seville, plus from the standard repertoire an all-new production of Palestrina by Pfitzner, and then the world premiere of an opera based on the life of and featuring the music of the great bebop pianist Lennie Tristano. Now there will only be three performances of Tristano and Isolde, so that's going to be one hot ticket.
Good luck, and thanks for playing Opera Win-Free. Void where prohibited. Employees of Carina Caucho and their families are ineligible. By the way, you know the word milliner? Someone who makes or sells women's hats. You know where it comes from? It's a corruption of the name of the Italian city, Milan. Because in the 16th century, the English used to import ladies' finery from Italy. Man, I love dictionaries.
This one I was looking at during the opera gives the date of the first known occurrence of a word, like milliner goes back to 1530. That's before Shakespeare was born. By the way, have you seen that Al Pacino movie, Looking for Richard? It's really interesting in terms of the English language because... Oh, brother. Boy, that irrelevancy alarm really bugs me. I mean, one of today's subjects is hats and music. Why can't I talk about milliners?
You know, I wonder what would happen if I just ignored the irrelevancy alarm. I mean, what's it going to do? Shoot me? It only buzzes for a few seconds. I think I'm going to just keep talking about Al Pacino's movie, Looking for Richard. And how in the movie they go around asking people on the street what they know about Shakespeare. And how... And I'm just going to keep talking here. And how most of the people say, yeah, Shakespeare, he's great. See? What can the irrelevancy alarm really do?
So anyway, people say, yeah, Shakespeare is great, but when it comes right down to it, they don't really know anything about him or his plays. And when you think about it, why should they? I mean, how much did people on the street in Elizabethan times know about Dante? Or even Chaucer, for that matter? Uh, Chaucer's a foreign language to us now, but 400 years—what's going—that isn't just a buzzer. What?
[music excerpt: Pachelbel, "Canon in D"; Paillard Chamber Orchestra/Paillard]
Man, uh, folks, I am not playing the Pachelbel Canon. I mean, here on my console. It's coming through the console, but it seems to have been triggered by the irrelevancy alarm. Uh, I guess the alarm gives you two chances to get back on the subject, and then if you don't, uh, okay, let's see what to do.
Just a minute folks, I'm going to go over to the alarm itself and see if there are any instructions on it. Man, it is so hard to read over here. Okay. Okay, well, there's a phone number on the thing to call in case of emergency, and I think this definitely qualifies as an emergency.
That's an 800 number. God only knows where the office is.
I can't believe this.
Uh, hello? Hello? I've got the Pachelbel Canon going on here and I'd like to get it turned off or reset or whatever. Okay, I'm at radio—oh, you know where I am? Well, can you... Ah, that's better. Boy, thank you. Am I all set now? Wait a minute. Honey, is that you? I can't believe this. What do you do? Well, yeah, I know you work for a company called Alarms and Excursions, but I thought you were in the travel agency part.
Oh, man. Well, I mean, it's just a little embarrassing, that's all. And a little surprising, you know? Hey, listen, honey, I really have to finish the show, so... Yeah, so I'll see you when I get home. Okay, bye.
Man, I guess somebody's sick today, so they asked her to cover. And of course, that has to be the day that you... Hello? No, everything's fine, sir. The irrelevancy alarm got jammed or something, but it's all taken care of, so... Yes, I will, sir. I will stick to it religiously. Okay. Bye, sir. Boy, I'm glad the station manager wasn't listening. Apparently he heard about it from somebody else. Oh, man. This is getting to be annoying.
[sound: phone rings]
Hello? What do you mean, the central office? Where are you? Well, everything's turned off. We're okay here. What kind of a report? Look, I'm on the air here. Can we get this over with quickly? What do you need to know? My name is Peter Schickele. The name of the show is Schickele Mix. It's from PRI, Public Radio International. So, are we all set here? Okay, thanks. Well folks, it's been quite a ride. We're talking about clothing here, and the name of today's show is All or Nothing.
So far we've been dealing with the hat, which is literally the pinnacle of a fine sartorial ensemble. Now we're going to take it off, take it all off. Because when it really comes right down to it, the only thing better than being well dressed is being undressed. Our next song cycle is called The Birthday Suit Suite and it has four numbers. You've got thirteen and a half minutes to get those clothes off and then get them back on again before I open up the mic. See you later.
[music excerpt: Porter, “Nymph Errant,” “Sweet Nudity”; Virginia McKenna/Derek Waring/Stephen Hill Singers]
[music: Loesser, "The King's New Clothes" (Frank Sings Loesser); Frank Loesser]
Frank Loesser (recorded): Once upon a time, there was a king. Now, this king was very fond of wearing brand new clothes. One day, two wicked swindlers who said they were tailors came to sell him what they said was a magic suit of clothes. Now, to tell the truth, there wasn't any suit of clothes. But the swindlers held up their hands like this, and they said, "Your Majesty, this is a magic suit of clothes."
Frank Loesser (recorded): And His Majesty said, "Well, uh, where is it? I don't see it, uh." And they said, "One moment, Your Majesty. Naturally, since you're so very wise and intelligent, you can see how beautiful it is. But to a fool, it is absolutely invisible." "Oh, oh, I see," said the King, "I see." And not wanting to appear a fool, he quickly added,
[No speech for 23 s.]
Frank Loesser (recorded): And they sent for the queen, and she came in, and she was told about how only wise people could see the magic suit of clothes, and not wanting to appear a fool, she quickly agreed,
[No speech for 25 s.]
Frank Loesser (recorded): The royal court convened. And the ministers came in, and the ambassadors, and the counts, and the dukes and duchesses. And they all gathered round and were told about the magic suit of clothes, and not wanting to seem like fools, they also agreed.
Frank Loesser (recorded): Green! Oh, yes, green. Often we think it was red.
Frank Loesser (recorded): And the king issued a proclamation, as follows.
[No speech for 21 s.]
Frank Loesser (recorded): And Saturday came, and by that time everyone had heard about the king's new magic suit of clothes, and everyone was very anxious to see His Majesty marching in his new suit.
Frank Loesser (recorded): The people lined the streets as the artillery came by, and the cavalry came by, and the pipe and drum corps, and then the Royal Guard, and finally, the King! The King! And everybody shouted and cheered!
Frank Loesser (recorded): For nobody wanted to appear a fool. Nobody, that is, except one little boy, who for some reason hadn't heard about the magic suit of clothes, and didn't know what he was supposed to see. He took one look and exclaimed,
[music: Ross/Sargent, "Nellie the Nudist" (Silly Songs); Stuart Ross & Joe Sargent]
[music: Stevens, "The Streak" (Dr. Demento's Country Corn); Ray Stevens]
Reporter (recorded): Hello, everyone. This is your Action News reporter with all the news that is news across the nation, on the scene at the supermarket. There seems to have been some disturbance here. Pardon me, sir. Did you see what happened?
Witness (recorded): Yeah, I did. I was standing over there by the tomatoes, and here he comes, running through the pole beans, through the fruits and vegetables, naked as a jaybird. And I hollered over to Ethel, I said, "Don't look, Ethel!" And it was too late. She'd already been incensed.
[No speech for 38 s.]
Reporter (recorded): This is your Action News reporter once again, and we're here at the gas station. Pardon me, sir, did you see what happened?
Witness (recorded): Yeah, I did. I was just in here gettin' my car checked, and he appeared out of the track, come streakin' around the grease right there, didn't have nothin' on but a smile. I looked in there, and Ethel was gettin' her [unclear]. I hollered, "Don't look, Ethel!" And it was too late. She'd already been mooned. Flashed her right there in front of the [unclear].
[No speech for 23 s.]
Reporter (recorded): Once again, your Action News reporter in the booth at the gym, covering the disturbance at the basketball playoff. Pardon me, sir, did you see what happened?
Witness (recorded): Yeah, I did. Half time, I was just goin' down there to get [unclear]. Here he come, right out of the cheap seats, dribblin', right down the middle of the court. Didn't have on nothin' but a [unclear]. Made a hook shot and got out through the concession stand. I hollered up at Ethel, I said, "Don't look, Ethel!" Too late. She'd already got a free shot. [unclear]
Witness (recorded): Here he comes again! Who's that with him? Ethel! Is that you, Ethel? What do you think you're doing? You get your coat on!
Witness (recorded): Ethel, where are you going?
Okay, the birthday suit suite. Four numbers. We began with a song from a Cole Porter show. I think the song was actually cut from the show, called Sweet Nudity. We heard it sung by Virginia McKenna, Derek Waring, and the Stephen Hill Singers. And then we had Frank Loesser himself, what a great speaking voice he had, doing The King's New Clothes, which he wrote for the film, Hans Christian Andersen.
After that, from an album called Silly Songs, which is certainly an apt title, Nellie the Nudist Queen, by a team called Ross & Sargent. And finally, the Ray Stevens classic, The Streak. You know, if you weren't around in the 70s, you might not realize what a fad that was, streaking. I did a concert up in Canada around then, in Edmonton, and the concert hall was part of the university campus, but it was very much by itself.
There were big parking lots around it. There weren't any other buildings anywhere nearby. And it must have been about 10 degrees outside. And people told me that as the audience left the auditorium after my concert, somebody ran across there naked as a jaybird, and he must have had to have gone a long way, giving it his all. Now we've got a little time here, so I thought, you know, it's sort of inherent that the subject of a show like this is going to be vocal numbers.
But I thought, if we've got time, why don't we go out with an instrumental piece that has a tangential relationship to hats? This is the overture to an opera called Il Cappello di Paglia di Firenze, The Florentine Straw Hat. And the opera is by Nino Rota, who wrote the music for all of Fellini's movies. Here's the overture.
[music: Rota, “Il Cappello di Paglia di Firenze,” Overture; Orchestra Sinfonica e Coro di Roma/Rota]
Well, folks, the time has come. We're hearing Nino Rota conducting the Orchestra Sinfonica di Roma in the overture to his opera, The Florentine Straw Hat. And that's Schickele Mix for this week. Hats and nudity. I'm telling you, this is the most educational program to come along in a long time. Our program is made possible with funds provided by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and by the National Endowment for the Arts.
With additional support from the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences and from this radio station and all of its members, whether hatted or naked. And not only that, our program is distributed by PRI, Public Radio International. We'll tell you in a moment how you can get an official playlist of all the music on today's program with album numbers and everything. Just refer to the program number. This is program number 136.
And this is Peter Schickele saying goodbye and reminding you that it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that certain je ne sais quoi. You're looking good. See you next week.
If you'd like a copy of that playlist I mentioned, send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to Schickele Mix. That's S-C-H-I-C-K-E-L-E, Schickele Mix. Care of Public Radio International, 100 North 6th Street, Suite 900A, Minneapolis, Minnesota, 55403.