1. Plan his new habitat for months while he lives in a crystal punchbowl on the kitchen counter.
2. Buy only the very best rubber pond liner and spend all weekend
dragging and spreading it, pleating around the edges.
3. Lift a lot of heavy bricks to make pond edging. (Be sure to manicure all fingernails first).
4. Learn the Latin names for a lot of sedge plants.
5. Obtain special hose clamps from the auto parts store to connect
tubes, filters, and whimsical turtle spitter.
6. Visit the nursery to get waterlillies and Egyptian papyrus.
7. Drain it, take it apart, do it over.
8. Fill with fresh water mixed with aloe vera fish stress reliever and ecological startup powder.
9. Wring yourself off, go into house to announce to fish that his new
home is prepared.
10. Find him gasping and floating on his back.
Sat Aug 04 2001 23:51:
How to Kill a Fish (With apologies to Martha Stewart)