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[Comments] (8) A year ago today: Let's see...a year ago today I was in Utah. My mom was in town, and we ran around looking for blessing dress material awaiting the arrival of a late baby. I was due on the 25th. My mom and I went on a long walk hoping to move it along. The past couple days I had been eating garlic and spicy foods with false hopes that it would speed the progress. That night Aaron, mom, and I ate Aaron’s Alaskan caught salmon, and Caesar salad with homemade Caesar dressing my mom made. I remember what I ate because I threw it up the next morning.

I woke up at 4:30 AM with tremendous back pains. I sat up in bed for about half an hour because they were too painful to go back to sleep. Twenty minutes into the back pain something happened. I remembered what my mid-wife said while prepping me for going into labor. She said when you are having contractions, you will know it. The whole week I was going around thinking, is that a contraction I am having or is it just the baby doing summersaults in my tummy?

Sure enough, my mid-wife was right. I knew that this morning it was contractions. I started timing them...6 mins apart, 4 mins...it didn't hurt all that bad. I thought better get in the shower and get ready. Heaven forbid I look like a ghostly chemo patient after the baby is born. I want to look good for the pictures! So I showered. While I was drying off, it hit me. Painful labor pangs. That's when I involuntarily threw up half digested salmon and salad. I thought it would have been through my system by then. My mom heard me and came in to help me. I went in to wake Aaron up to get ready to go to the hospital and my mom got ready as well.

7:00 AM, we left for the hospital. We got there in good time but not soon enough. For some reason, when we got in to car my contractions were considerably more intense. Contractions were 3 mins about and HURTING. When we got to the hospital I was put in an observation room first. They plugged me up to machines to check my progress and to see if I really was having a baby this day. Yes, indeed I was and my contractions were getting closer and more intense. I asked for an epidural at this point but didn't get one until an hour and a half later because the anesthesiologist was in a c-section. It was during that hour and a half where I decided not to ever have a baby natural.

I finally got my drugs, felt much better and slept a lot. Aaron watched The Olympics because it had been on all week. He also got some rest too. Around 1:00 pm my mid-wife came in to check on me and woke Aaron and me up. I was already at a 9 and fully effaced so she was getting me ready to push. About 45 mins to an hour later I started pushing. It was really hard b/c I could slightly feel the contractions coming on, but I couldn't really feel how hard I was pushing so my progress was really slow. Lily's head finally surfaced only to be caught at the shoulders.

All of the sudden my mid-wife started ordering the nurse to apply something pubic pressure manually like she was doing CPR on my tummy. My mid-wife started stressing for me to "push, push, push". I had never had a baby before so I was not sure if all this anxiety was normal. I didn't know what was going on and it all happened so fast. At one point I looked at Aaron who looked nervous and helpless and I guess he must have felt it b/c he started to push on my tummy too. It was kinda cute and funny looking back. It turns out Lily was stuck at her shoulders and was turning blue from no oxygen. She finally popped out along with blood and fluid soaking Aaron's shirt and pants.

A response team of nurses and a doctor came in when we had problems and made sure Lily was ok. She was a 6 at first on the APGAR (?) scale but then improved to a 9. She was born at 3:00 pm.

Now a year later, my infant is no longer an infant. My baby is no longer a helpless little thing sleeping all the time. Everyday she gets more and more independent. Everyday she learns something new and is getting into more things. Everyday she changes and looks different. And everyday I love her more and more, beyond comprehension.

In just a couple days, she will be completely weaned. I am excited, but a part of me is sad. That part of my relationship with her will be over. Maybe because it was so hard for us to learn to nurse in the beginning and the huge boulder it was for it to happen and almost giving up altogether, but I will miss it a little. I know things will never stay the same. I told my mom in the hospital, "I just want her to stay this little forever." My mom said, "No you don't, because then you will never be able to see her crawl or walk or talk and be excited for her progress." I know this is true, and I agree that this past year has been exquisite with her in our lives and how she learns to do one thing and you think "she is so smart, she could program computers if she wanted to" but I just hope that I will always remember how cute she is here and now. Even though she spits out all her food and throws it on the ground. Even though she pulls my hair every chance she gets. Even though she no longer lies still to change her diaper. Even though she eats roaches. Even though she woke up every 3 hours until she was 9 months. Even though I got stretch marks from chest to calf. Even though...I love you, Lily. Happy Birthday!


© 2003-2009 Kristen Smith.