Jake's Birthday Party
In Which Jake Berendes, on the occasion of his Nineteenth Birthday, is
alternately Beaten Up and treated like the King of the World.

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FAQ: 

Q: Do the women of the Action News Team really all wear pink?
A: Every one of them.

Q: Isn't Richard Feynman dead? 
A: Yes, but I had "QED" and bongos so who else could go in that verse?
Anyway, Jimi Hendrix is also dead, so it's not like I'm trying to be
realistic.

Q: What is a 'groovy pumper'?
A: I don't know.

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The rather weird and superfluous guide.

Jake's Birthday Party is usually divided up into increments of
danzas. The poem contains 120 danzas when divided in this way, and
scholars have traditionally divided the poem into several Parts, or
groups of danzas. Though there are many variations on the partitioning
(for instance, some Jake's Birthday Party scholars place danza 80 into
Part 8 rather than Part 7), the format described below should be
largely agreeable to all but the pedantic.

Part the First, or, The Gathering Storm [Danzas 1-14]
 In which Jake is flooded by guests with invitations to a party he did
 not plan, and is hit in the crotch with a stuffed racoon. Bjork helps
 him recover by administering mouth-to-mouth. Ahem. Cough cough.

Part the Second, or, The Celebrity Panel [Danzas 15-25]
 In which the mysterious Master of Ceremonies and the Celebrity Panel
 make their presences known.

Part the Third, or, Phone Call Interlude [Danzas 26-30]
 In which Jake gets a phone call from Leonard.

Part the Forth, or, Hollywood Squarez [Danzas 31-42]
 In which the Celebrity Panel answers questions from the partygoers,
 and the Channel 2 Action News Team films their own assault.

Part the Fifth, or, The Open Source Hour [Danzas 43-57]
 In which Eric S. Raymond talks about his toast theory, and
 Richard M. Stallman sings his trademark song.

Part the Sixth, or, A Party's Not A Party (Without Some Party Games) 
[Danzas 58-80]
 In which attempts are made to trick Jake into putting on a blindfold
 and hurting a donkey. When those fail, a hussy in a phony cake is
 deployed.

Part the Seventh, or, Visions Fill The Eyes of Jake [Danzas 81-89] 
 In which Jake fruitlessly questions the Master of Ceremonies and
 fears that he may be cracking up.

Part the Eighth, or, Escape Interlude [Danzas 90-92]
 In which the omnipresent narrator suddenly steps in and tells of
 Jake's daring escape from his own house and subsequent fleeing.

Part the Ninth, or, Chasing Jake [Danzas 93-111]
 In which agents Scully and Mulder show up and track down the escaped
 Jake. Once again Jake requires mouth-to-mouth and a hot babe must
 provide it. Scully suspects a conspiracy.

Part the Tenth, or, Jake by the {Lake, Foot} [Danzas 112-120]
 The moderately shocking conclusion, in which the partygoers' true
 plans for Jake are revealed.