(1) Wed Nov 01 2006 13:54 PST Wishlist: I can't believe how long this is taken to do. Since I am facing a potential/hopeful overseas move next year, I am only asking for things I need & will use in the next six months.

Check my amazon.com wishlist. I have added all of the books below plus some useful travel things that I want. I don't care if the things are actually from Amazon. It's just an easy way to keep track of things.
Gift certificates for Trader Joes, Target, Russo's, etc, or a spa-type place where I can get a massage, which would be really really nice.
Travel sheet (an REI gift certificate would probably get me most of the travel things, plus I have a co-op membership)
These cute & comfy shoes, in black, size 7 (Chaco's Andale, Women's Isabella)

Books!
Bain Attwood, Telling the Truth about Aboriginal History, (New South Wales: Allen and Unwin: 2005) 1-74114-577-5
Richard Evans, Lying about Hitler 0465021530*
Eric Hobsbawm, Nations and Nationalism, (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1992). 0521439612*
Arthur Marwick, The New Nature of History
Irène Némirowski, Suite Française *but it's cheaper on amazon
Josephine Tey, Daughter of Time (New York: Macmillan, 1951) or any edition
Melton A. Mc Laurin, Celia A Slave Girl 0380803364
H.G. Wells, Ann Veronica (any edition)*
Lisa Dicapro and Merry Wiesner, Lives and Voices: Sources in European Women's History (New York: Houhgton Mifflin, 2001) 0-395-97052-0
Ellen Carol Du Bois and Lynn Dumenil, Through Women's Eyes : An American History through Documents (Bedford, St Martins) 0312451466
French for reading by Sandberg
*These books I can get through Russo's. I get a great discount so this is where the gift certificates come in handy. Or you can call & order them & say they are for me. Also remember bookfinder.com. I don't care if books are used as long as they don't have highlighting all over them. Yay books!

(3) Sun Nov 05 2006 15:47 PST Nothing to talk about?: I often think of good weblog posts to make, but by the time I get to an internet I either have forgotten or I don't really have the time write out a long post. The obvious solution is to write them out as I think of them and post them when I get to an internet. But it always seems there is a better use of my time than writing out a post that won't get up till who knows when (even if it is re-arranging my toiletries)... and I always think I will remember, haha.

Susie has been up this weekend and it was nice to have company. It sure gets lonely on my own. I have been jittery because tomorrow I have to give my lecture for the colonialism class and that type of thing always makes me nervous. I obviously don't have a problem being in front of people, but here there is so much opportunity to look like an idiot. Of course these are people who are mostly taking the class for GE so I don't think many of them would even notice if I said something stupid. Maybe it just takes getting used to. Anyway I have most of my info, I just need to organise it and scan some pictures that I want to use. I wish the library was open later. You wouldn't believe the lackadaisical attitude towards quietness that seems to prevail. Some of these people, if they were in YRL, would have been murdered (but quietly) by now.

FYI I have been updating my amazon wishlist. I really want to Little Mermaid DVD.

PS here is a funny quote from this weekend. Susie and I were discussing how best to get Dewars to John without it melting. Rachel: I have some frozen water bottles. Susie: We could freeze the ice-cream.

(3) Mon Nov 06 2006 12:58 PST Whew: I am glad that's over. I suppose teaching is one of those things you just have to get used to, and I am not yet used to it. Still, it wasn't a total disaster, and I think the movie was a great success (I showed parts of Gallipoli). Now I have to go to work for eight hours. I've been up since six since I wanted to go over my notes & scan some pictures to show (the media library wasn't open yesterday). I was going to buy some cheetos to treat myself for getting done with the lecture but the student union is out. Now if I don't get my butt out the door I won't have time to eat before I have to clock in. I'm a bit disillusioned with my life at the moment (rather like the Anzacs with the British after the First World War) but I'm sure that will pass.

(2) Tue Nov 07 2006 19:47 PST A striving, and a striving, and an ending in nothing: The old German from The Story of a South African Farm haunts me in the same way that Boxer from Animal Farm haunted me for months after I read the book. I think I figured out why. The tragedy, and the goodness of the characters, wouldn't be so heartbreaking if it weren't that they were so trusting and idealistic that they ended up being compliant in their own demise. Life's not fair! One ought not expect literature to be, then.

In other news I just picked up my new glasses. I was luke warm on them at first but the girls talked me into them over another pair, and now I really like them. I am still in that woozy getting used to them mode, but amazed by how clear I am seeing!

(3) Wed Nov 08 2006 13:09 PST Decided: I think I will go to SF for Thanksgiving. And I think I will take the train! actually it will cost about the same as gas, with my student discount, and if it's a little more it's worth it for the hours of study & the lack of enviornmental guilt.

Emotional trauma all evening, watching the climatic battle scene of Gallipoli three times (which equals watching like, 3,000 people die), and a night of nightmares... it must 9th week. But I'm happy about the House, if I'm not happy about other things.

(2) Thu Nov 09 2006 13:57 PST Something missing?: You may remember, I used to swear by Let's Go. This is one of the main reasons why I don't anymore.

(1) Thu Nov 09 2006 19:16 PST Lame: Firefox downloaded updates and now it won't start! Nothing works as well in Safari! I even restarted my computer... does this mean I hafta download firefox again? What about all my bookmarks??

Update: fixed. But dang it, I liked having the x button for tabs in the same spot, not on each tab.

Fri Nov 10 2006 16:31 PST Nothing important: I am feeling jittery because I got an mysterious email from a school demanding to know why I haven't sent them some form I have never heard of. And because I want to book my train ticket before more options sell out but I don't have my ISIC card with me for the discount. But, yay weekend. I need to go buy a wedding present.

Sun Nov 12 2006 17:59 PST From Vera Brittain's Testament of Youth:

When the sound of guns burst over London at 11 a.m. on November 11th, 1918, the men and women who looked incredulously into each other's faces did not cry jubilantly: "We've won the War!" they only said: "The War is over."

Deeply buried beneath my consciousness there stirred the vague memory of a letter that I had written to Roland… "As I listened," I told him, "to the organ swelling forth into a final triumphant burst in the song of victory, after the solemn and mournful dirge of the dead, I thought with what mockery and irony the jubilant celebrations which will hail the coming of peace will fall upon the ears of those to whom their best will never return, upon whose sorrow victory is built, who have paid their with their mourning for the other's joy."

(This was supposed to go up yesterday, but instead it's up today.)

Mon Nov 13 2006 07:49 PST Reason #37 I wish I lived in the Wizarding World: Up ridiculously early trying to sort out the stupid form... killing time on the internet at Kinkos hoping the lady in the UK will respond to my email since the fax didn't go through. I suppose things are better than the days of sail ships, but it's still quite annoying, and there's nothing technology can do about the time difference... until they invent a time turner.

(1) Mon Nov 13 2006 13:10 PST Just whining, ignore me (unless you are really bored at work): Today is one of those days that started off bad & just got worse. My usual solution is just t go back to bed, if at all possible. My French composition wasn't done, so I skipped out from school after the history lecture. Was just getting cosy with a kitten and The Second Battlefield when I got a phone call, someone wanting to see the house. Of course they can't be bothered when I am away all day, but when all I want is to sleep, they come in droves. I considered just staying but decided I wouldn't rather, and came away here. I had a ton of things to mail, despite my ban on the post office, I am poor, and I don't think UPS has media mail. So I stopped at the po, and waited in line for nearly half an hour, yay. I would have been at the end of my rope for the 50th time today but the lady saved me, I think, by not making me pay for forwarding a package that was refused delivery & sent back to me. yay. That is why I took it there (in hopes) instead of elsewhere as I am still doubtful about the usps' capability of actually delivering things...

Anyway here is why my day sucked. I woke up at 7 (3 pm in UK) to try & fax the form again, because it didn't go through last night, I thought because the fax machine over there was turned off. It didn't go though. This is where we last met. After waiting & waiting I decided to just scan it, but at that point someone was on the only kinkos computer with a scanner. I waited for him to leave. He left, but the computer was still waiting for him to come back. I didn't want to wait 8 more minutes so I asked a lady to cancel it out so I could get on. She waited until there was 1 minute of waiting left & then restarted the computer. I waited... finally put in my credit card & it ate it! I asked for help again... it spit out my card but still wasn't working, so I left in a fury, having wasted an hour of my morning. This was supposed to take all of ten minutes so I would have time to do my 250 word French composition... I was up till 1 reading the second battlefield for my meeting which was canceled... (luckily) I went home & got my school stuff & went to school to the computer lab there. Had an email from the lady saying please do send the scan. The scanner didn't work. Switched computers. Finally sent it at 9:01. (5:01 pm Uk.) FAB.

It is all these little things that seem like the end of the world when they happen. I know it isn't the end of the world. But it seems like it. I wish I wasn't so high-strung, I used to be easy going. I wonder if it's all worth it, but that's such a 10th week thought I don't think it's actually valid. I just need a break I guess. (I can tell when it's time for a break because I get irresistible urges to pack my backpack and head for LAX... oh wait, that's all the time...)

Fri Nov 17 2006 12:37 PST endless finals... i hate the quarter system.: I have discovered the group study rooms in the library. No more people having conversations & answering their phone bothering me! Instead all I have to do is put up with a strange clicking noise... but that is not so bad... and hope no actual group comes around wanting to use it. I installed myself in one at odarkthirty this morning when I arrived at the library to review the video the paper that was due today was on, only to discover I'd left my earphones at home. Now begins an intense period of work. Little sleep last night and a race to finish the french online workbook this week. I am about three chapters behind. It has to be done by Monday because if everyone is done we get a takehome final, but if one person isn't... and I don't want to be that person! if it were only me I wouldn't care. Actually it just has to be mostly done monday, she said we could have tuesday to finish chapter 5, but since I'm spending most of tuesday on a train that doesn't do much good. Actually there might be internet on the train but it probably costs like $20 or something. first though, I hafta type up my notes on this book that is, according to the email sent to be by interlibrary loan, EXTREMELY overdue. I'm going to ask my professor to return it and hopefully they won't charge her, haha.

PS: I have received no less than THREE emails from airlines about winter specials. I deserve a medal for not having booked a flight to London. I was this close, too! Only $600... too bad I don't have $600.

Sat Nov 18 2006 14:48 PST: I am not going to finish in time

(2) Tue Nov 21 2006 19:26 PST Safe in SF: Here I am. I miss my babies already but they are in good hands. It was nice to take the train up, especially as I am so tired, all I had to do was relax. It took a few more hours that driving would have but so what. I am so sleepy that I want to go to bed right now, but I also want to wait up for Leonard to get back from work. Hm.

Thu Nov 23 2006 23:44 PST Thankful: I suppose with all the self-pitying I hadn't really thought of all there is for which to be thankful. I have great friends and family, wonderful kitties, and a brain in my head that works most of the time. It could be a lot worse!

Jeff & Leonard made another wonderful Thanksgiving feast & I had a fab time talking with everyone, and I'm as stuffed as the turkey was earlier, haha.

(2) Sat Nov 25 2006 23:01 PST: Had a great time in SF. This evening we went to see City Lights, a Charlie Chaplin silent, with the city orchestra performing the score. It was pretty awesome. Tomorrow I am leaving early, but the thought of going home to an empty house (but the kitties!) and finals does not fill me with holiday cheer.

Mon Nov 27 2006 17:02 PST: Now that I am back I am glad to be back. Jenn & Denise picked me up & took me to TJs for supplies. My kittens are angels & cuddle-muffins. After this week I will be done with finals & this quarter & (hopefully) after next week I will be done with applications. Then I can concentrate on relaxing and thesis and (hopefully) moving. Haha!

(2) Wed Nov 29 2006 10:17 PST What was that British Empire Thing?: Done with my final. Now just some papers to write... when I handed in the final my professor went on about how much she liked my last paper, which is odd because I didn't think it was that great. (But she didn't really like the paper that I did think was pretty good.) The whole time she was talking I wanted to ask, so why did you give me an A-? I'm such a wimp! But apparently it convinced her I am Capable of Things, which is Good. As I am not feeling so Capable myself these days.

I am now panicking, as I am wont to do, about my future. What if I don't get into a phd program? Unfortunately none of the back-up plans I have come up with so far make very realistic back-ups plans. Joining the state department? That is probably harder to get into than grad school. Tutoring English in Belgrade? Wining this contest and becoming a travel writer for Lonely Planet? Who am I kidding? The only good backup plan I have thought of is a MLIS at San Jose State. More school! Why not? Of course, and this is not surprising, I much prefer a back up plan that involved Europe. But there is the whole visa problem. The only decent job I have a semi-decent change of getting is teaching at a jc, and even that is iffy. So what is a girl to do? I hate this questioning, and how it comes up every year or two, without fail. I just feel so unqualified for and incapable of everything.

PS: Serbia to join NATO? Interesting. Maybe I can work for them.