Spam As Folk Art for 2005 September

(Kevan) Video-Game Power-Up Spam:

Shoot five times as much
Don't be left behind- enlarge yourself now!

(Brendan) Spam exploits my obsession with time-traveling celebrities:

did you fear Christina Aguilera Angelia Jolie Ralph Nader
in 1822 Anna Kournikova

"You're making a mistake," purrs Ralph. "Trust me. If your Mr. Babbage will simply hand over his marvelous engine, we'll be able to slow the advance of technology to a safer, more manageable--"

"Ignore him, Chuck," Anna says.

"How can I ignore a man accompanied by succubi such as these?" demands Babbage.

"Their names are Angelina and Xtina," says Ralph. "They're quite lethal, and sometimes they make out."

Angelina and Xtina show off their knives. Then they make out.

Babbage's voice is quavery. "Not that I doubt your protection, Anna, but perhaps we should just..."

"Boize moi!" snaps Anna. "LASER VOLLEY!"

(Brendan) LOCATE TABLE FOR CHANGING BABIES: I was sure I'd linked to this before, but now I can't find any such link in the archives. 56 Kilobit Sentinel's Music To Spam To is hilarious and heartfelt lo-fi antiphony for soldiers in the war against textual white noise.

(Kevan) More Time-Travel Spam: Body text of one of the year-and-celebrity format ones, which must have switched to a different phrase set:-

Valetine's Day you're welcome Halloween How old?

Nostradamus Keep calm!

(Kevan) Periodic Table of Spam:

Ce

Xa

Le

Am

Ci

Pr

Me

Vi

Va

Ul
le

na

vi

bi

al

op

[continues for the entirety of its body text]

(Brendan) Disturbing ambiguity:

See All of Seinfeld!

(Kevan) More Disturbing Ambiguity:

See All of the Golden Girls!

(Kevan) More Seinfeld:

Kramer A mate for you nearby