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(2) Sun Jun 04 2006 09:37 PST Travelog, A Miniseries: May 24 (day 1): Flew John Wayne to Seattle. The trip including flying over Catalina Island, B-town, Yosemite, and other California scenic areas. It was pouring rain upon arrival in Seattle and I thought to myself, well, this is it. I must interject here that the Seattle airport is, without a doubt, a disgrace. Our terminal had only one place to buy food. And the selection was sparse, so we ended up eating turkey wraps. They were overpriced and bland. Anyway, then we flew to Anchorage. I didn't realize that there is such a thing as Alaska time. I always thought they were on Pacific time. So the flight time was an hour longer than anticipated. Which is good, I guess. I got my whole ethics take home test done on the plane ride there.

About 30 minutes prior to landing, the rainy cloud cover disappeared and we got some sweet views of Seward and Anchorage. There was lots of snow to be seen. We landed in Anchorage, and thus the journey began.

Susie and I were uber-prepared for this journey. So of course we were already wearing superflous layers of clothing in anticipation of our arrival. Well. Anchorage has a mind of its own. It was 70+ F in Anchorage with the sun barreling down on us. We boarded a bus for Whittier, a trip of about 100 miles. The bus also had a mind of its own. The air was broken, so it was like 85 F on the bus. Which is truly unfortunate cuz all I could think of was getting off that bus, in spite of the constant scenic eye candy out the bus window.

Getting onto the Seward Highway, we saw a moose. Just chilling on the side of the road. Then on the Seward Highway we saw Moroni, and the rest of the Anchorage temple. Continuing on this highway, we saw mountain goats and doll sheep just hanging out on rather aggressive cliffsides. They've got guts, I tell you. I'm not sure how they get there, or how they leave, but there they were.

The mountains in Alaska just jut right out of the ocean like there's nothing to it, and I think that's what makes them seem so much more impressive to me than the mountains in Utah. The water is a murky green color in the Gulf of Alaska because of all the glacial silt. The bus driver told us that you can't go out on those beaches cuz you'll sink and this machine has to pull you out. That brought back a memory I may have made up, cuz Susie doesn't remember this, but I think I remember being at Kristin & Aaron's home and Aaron was regaling us with a tale of how a woman in Anchorage went out too far to where the machine could not reach her and she slowly sank to her death. At the time I heard this story, I didn't expect to see these sights for myself.

Right outside of Whittier lies the tunnel of doom. It is a one-way passage, so it alternates traffic direction every 30 minutes. Trains also share the roadway and must be accomodated as well. Luckily we only had to wait 5 minutes and into the tunnel we went. The speed limit inside the tunnel is only 25 mph, but it took us a full 10 minutes to go through the tunnel, meaning that the tunnel is about 4-5 miles long. That doesn't seem long, but it is. Everyone was very very quiet while we went through the tunnel, as though we were on sacred ground. I think some people were holding their breath. But we survived the tunnel and the hot bus ride and arrived in Whittier and our boat.

Now, about the clientele. I would never have guessed it, but probably about 50% of the passengers on our boat were from the south. I guess that makes some sense, cuz most of the old people were from Florida. But there were a lot of people from Alabama and Mississippi. The age makeup was about 65% retirees, with about 15% honeymooners (I guess we fit that category, whether we like it or not), and the other 20% young families with kids way too small to be going to Alaska, IMHO. So the crowd was very mellow and laidback, which was nice.

(1) Sun Jun 04 2006 10:01 PST Captain's Log: May 25 (Day 2): We went to bed Wednesday night around 11 pm, and were promptly awakend about 6:30 to see the Yale, Harvard, Smith, & Wellseley glaciers in the College Fjord. We went outside and the sun was already high in the sky for 6:30 am. It was pretty chilly out, but with hat and gloves and a long-sleeve shirt I was fine.

There were huge icebergs floating in the water around us, and in the background we constantly heard what sounded like thunder. This thunder was actually "white thunder," or glacial calving. It was pretty cool to get right up to the Harvard glacier and see these massive chunks of ice fall right into the water.

The rest of the day was spent lounging on the boat and relaxing. We went to some wildlife classes they offered onboard and went out to the hot tub. The hot tub wasn't hot enough and was very splashly, so we didn't stay long. That night the fog started rolling in as we entered the Gulf of Alaska and it got quite chilly. But still no rain! With nothing to be seen, we headed to bed that night at 8 pm in anticipation of a full day ahead of us.

Now, about these cruiseships. The decor is so tacky that words really can't describe. And you can't take pics, cuz your camera will break. But Susie got it right when she told me "I think they make the ship look so blatantly ugly so that it'll never look out of style because it could never have been in style to begin with." Truer words were never spoken.

I should also mention the food. It's not that great. The appetizers can be quite exotic and fun, but the rest of the food is nothing I couldn't do on my own. And the desserts are too fancy, and always have some sort of coffee or liquor ingredient in their chemical makeup. The menu was basically the same as last year's cruise, so we didn't get too excited about eating. So why did we decide to cruise again? Well, last year we went to Mexico so we could go on a cruise, but this year we went on a cruise so we could see Alaska. See the distinction? We felt the best way to see such a large state was on a very organized boat that did all the legwork for us. A majority of cities in Alaksa cannot be reached by road. So cruising left me more time to relax and enjoy the ride.

Sun Jun 04 2006 18:46 PST Day 3: Sitka: We arrived in Sitka Friday morning. Sitka is a tender port, meaning that going ashore is a pain. The boat stays a couple of miles out and smaller boats take us into port. We got onto land around 10 am and walked around town. Sitka was the Russian capital of Alaska, and is where Cap'n Seward bought Alaska.

Just by setting foot on land, we knew Alaska was better than Mexico. The town was five minutes away, and thus did not require being taken advantage of by taxi drivers. Anything and everything is within walking distance. We went to the Russian Orthodox Cathedral and went shopping and wandering through town.

It was overcast all morning, but cleared up around noon and the skies were very blue. In the afternoon, we went out on a boating expedition to see sea otters and sea lions. The sea otters tie themselves up in the kelp and just kinda hang out. They are very cute sitting there cleaning themselves, but they hate humans so the only way you can see what they are doing is through binoculars. The Russians practically killed them all off for their pelts, but the otters are doing better now. The sea lions were perched on the end of Jacob's Rock, the last rock between us and Japan. The water was swelling a lot out there, and Susie had to take a vomit break.

We still couldn't believe that we had no rain. But we were not complaining!

(3) Sun Jun 04 2006 19:14 PST Next Stop, Juneau: This morning we boarded a helicopter bright and early at 9 am to fly over the Mendenhall Glacier. It was my first trip in a helicopter. I'll take a helicopter ride over an airplane any day. The ride seems so smooth and natural. The pilot played Enya music and LoTR music on our journey, and I felt like I was flying to light a beacon in RoTK. From above the glacier we could see large crevasses and large pools of Windex-blue water. The water is so blue because the ice is so condensed that all colors enter the glacier but only blue can get out, as it has the shortest wavelength of all of the colors. We could also see footprints in the snow on the tops of the mountains, which I would assume were made by mountain goats.

Landing on the glacier, our next leg of the journey was made by dog sled. These huskies were the most friendly dogs I've met. They were friendly, but not overly so. They didn't really jump all over me like some dogs, but just let you pet them. We got to take turns driving the dogsled. The huskies don't like it when we would stop for pictures. They really live to pull dogsleds. They nearly lifted me off the brake a number of times. Talk about service! At the end of the journey we got to see the husky puppies! Our puppy liked chewing on Susie's shirt. I've decided it's because she spills all over herself and the puppy was well aware.

Even though I was on a glacier, we only wore a light jacket and, of course, sunglasses. We also saw some small avalanches happen. The trip home was sad, as we didn't want to leave. But the next leg of our journey took us on the Mt. Robert's Tramway to the top of, you guessed it, Mt. Roberts. Here was got a great view of the city, and went on some limited hiking trips. The hiking was limited because the snow on the mountain was melting and the trails were all quite muddy. But we did manage to see a marmot up there. They also have a bald eagle up there held in captivity due to an injury. Although it's not the same as seeing them in the wild, you could really see how majestic this bird is. I was told that Ben Franklin hated bald eagles and wanted the National Bird to be the turkey. I'm glad he didn't get his way. Sorry, Ben.

Today it hit 70 F, and we were sweating in our layers upon layers of clothing. Still no rain; not even a raincloud! The trip just kept getting better and better!

(15) Mon Jun 05 2006 08:37 PST Conflicted: I swore to myself that I'd finish posting on Alaska before I posted on other things, but I just can't help myself right now.

Geez, you leave the lower 48 for a week and look what happens. Not only does CNN.com headline "Bush to back constitutional ban on gay marriage," but a flyer was distributed in church yesterday noting that the First Presidency would like me to write to Barbara Boxer & Diane Feinstein to support such an amendnment.

Susie and I discussed this issue at large last night, and the following conclusions were finally reached:

1. A letter was written from the First Presidency on May 26, 2006 and must have been read in church while we were on vacation. There is no posting of this message on the church's website, which means that, since I didn't hear it and cannot read it, I am not bound to follow its precepts.

2. I did find some excerpts from a trusty site that Nate Oman posts on, and I agree with his premise @ timesandseasons.org.

3. I really really hate the phrase "or the legal incidents thereof."

4. Why can't we all just get along? I mean, hey, if my church decides that they will not condone these actions by allowing same-sex marriages within the church, I am ok with that. It's a private institution, and that is their prerogative. But it is an entirely different matter to say that same-sex marriage is constitutionally defined and is strictly prohibited by the Bill of Rights. Ironically, I think anytime a prohibition pops up there, the whole system becomes a paradox.

5. I think people's views change largely through experience and relationships. I think I am fired up about this topic now because I finally know some people who have chosen an alternate lifestyle. They are happy, good people. Why should they be denied such "legal incidents"? But for too many of the masses who don't have these relationships, they don't care. I would propose for them to assume that their sibling/child/best friend were gay and then think about the issue. But for too many of these people, I'm afraid the proposal would only fall on deaf ears.

6. How does allowing civil unions threaten what I have in a marraige anyway?

7. Susie and I really hope this does not pass.

(3) Mon Jun 05 2006 08:49 PST Laugh Shack: Me: Clayton, what did you do on Saturday?

Clayton: I went to Luke's house.

Me: Fun. What did you do there?

Clayton: Went to the bathroom in his backyard.

Me: So, Luke, I heard you went to the bathroom in your backyard.

Luke: How did you know that?

Me: Don't worry, I won't tell anybody.

Luke: Cool! My first secret!

(2) Tue Jun 06 2006 08:17 PST Skagway it is: Mother Nature decided that it was finally time for Alaska to be Alaska. The winds of change (literally, the south winds from Hawaii exchanged with the north winds of the Arctic) blew in, and we were in for it. Of course, being on a nice comfortable boat, Susie and I were none the wiser. And having spent the previous day in Juneau sweating to death, Susie and I decided to wear tevas today.

The sea was angry that day, my friends. The winds were coming in at 25 mph, and it was cold. And we could do nothing about it, as we quickly boarded a catamaran for a 30-mile jaunt down to the Davidson Glacier. At least the boat was warm. And we saw a whale.

Upon arriving at the glacier, I'd had enough and put on my socks from my backpack. I felt like a regular Utah idiot wearing socks with tevas, but the warmth on my toes reminded me that this was indeed a wise choice. Who was there to judge me anyway? A crowd of 60 year-olds hardly constitute a branch of the fashion police.

Anyway, we hiked a mile to the outpost and put on two more layers of clothes and big old rain boots. I was now wearing seven layers on my upper body, and was ready to brave the storm. We entered our canoes and began paddling furiously upstream to the face of the glacier, passing floating icebergs along the way. Now, we got some sweet pics of the glacier. But it's really hard to appreciate the size of the glacier without going onto it. Our guide told us it took him three hours to hike to the top, to give you an idea. It looks like a 30 minute stroll would get you there. But none of us regular civilians are allowed out of the canoes at the glacier. I wish they'd put a cardboard cutout of a bear or something on it so that we could gauge the size of the thing with a bit of added relevance to it all. But oh well. Just trust me that it's a doozy.

The way home was treacherous, as the winds were making the sea pretty choppy. Landing back in Skagway, we quickly went back on our boat and changed shoes. Then it was time to experience Skagway. Skagway has a population of about 1,000 people in the winter time, and 4,000 during the summer tourist season. It is about 25 blocks long by 5 blocks wide. That's all that can fit on the valley floor. There is an LDS chapel on the corner of 11th and State. It is the easiest entrance to the Klondike and thus was the famous starting point for the gold rush of 1898. It is also famous for whore houses.

In fact, the whole state of Alaska seems to think that whore houses are national monuments. What a joke. These old people don't care about that stuff. No one that goes on a cruise ship wants to see a burlesque house. Only single, horny men want to, and they don't cruise to Alaska. I don't see how these houses make any money. I didn't see anyone going in. But the girls working there were hanging out of windows calling us in. Luckily, we got distracted by a man who was taking our picture on the main street so the girls didn't bother us. This man, I'm assuming, was from England. Instead of saying "Say Cheese" he said "Have any good sex lately?" Needless, to say, Susie and I are smiling pretty big in that picture. Neither of us answered his question, though. We were both so dumbstuck.

Cars in Alaska are interesting. They are all laced with political bumper stickers. There were a lot of stickers about immigration, and I couldn't help wondering why Alaskans care. After all, no one illegally immigrates to Alaska. That would require swimming across the Bering Straight. But they are part of the Union, so they do have a say in these matters. One bumper sticker really spoke to me: "I have to go to work today; people on welfare depend on it." Nuff said.

Even though it was cold, still no rain. That night we were exhausted from the canoeing, so we went to bed at 8 pm and woke up at midnight for the midnight buffet. We missed this buffet last time due to my cabin fever. Once again, not all that impressive. It was fun, and I did sample two different cakes. But I really shouldn't have wasted the calories. We went back to bed at 1 am and slept until 9 or so the next day. It was a much needed rest.

Wed Jun 07 2006 08:27 PST "Ketch"ikan of the Day: Today was got to Ketchikan around 11 am and once again had to tender ashore. We had no formal plans this day, so we basically walked the entire city. We found a museum that had a self-guided city tour with monument placards along the way. It was a fun thing for us to do. Ketchikan reminded me a bit of San Francisco. Lots of hills, and lots of tall, skinny houses. Actually, the houses must be mentioned. Most of the houses are seriously four or five stories tall. And the main entrances to all of these houses are on the top level. Needless to say, there must not be a single person out of shape that lives in Ketchikan. Susie about died when she saw this spectacle. I wonder why they build them this way? Though on many of the houses it did appear that the bottom two floors may have been little more than unfinished areas used for storage, based on the structure of the house. I can't imagine hauling groceries up so many stairs.

The city also has a district with houses built on stilts partially over rivers. Hong Kong had similar areas like this in the fishing communities. They all looked quaint, with the exception of one more whore house.

The city walk loops around, so that you take a different pathway home. This took us up a rather steep hill to walk back along a residential ridgeway. There were eagles circling the skies and few decided to land on trees whose tops were level with us being high up on the ridgeway. So we got some excellent pics of wild eagles, and that was a neat thing to me.

Ketchikan gets 13 FEET of rain a year, which means about almost half an inch a day. Wow. That's a lot of rain. But once again we didn't get rained on. The Vacation Gods were indeed smiling down on us. The city also has a lot of totem poles that were removed from the surrounding area to be preserved in the city. They're very tame for totem poles--the Hollywood make believe ones are much more colorful. I wish they had signs on them detailing where they were found with a guesstimated creation date. But oh well.

That night our waiter at dinner asked me and Susie about polygamy. He is from the Philippines and I told him about my mission to the Kong a few days earlier. I could tell he worded his question very carefully, as he didn't want to offend us and thereby get fired. I tried to explain that we don't practice it anymore, but that it is a Christian rite that can be seen in the Bible, and is only practiced by certain people at certain times and left it at that. I think this is one reason that I have become more liberal in my acceptance of ideas that are foreign to me. Polygamy is a touchy subject that a lot of people, including myself, don't understand. How could I look myself in the mirror each day if I condemned others for being different when I am so different, peculiar even, to so many people? It would effectively take my persecuted heritage and revolve it into a persecuting future. I'm not willing to do that. My heritage is too important to me to belittle it like that.

Thu Jun 08 2006 18:08 PST Canada, the Maple Leaf State: Made it home safely. Our flight through Seattle was cancelled so instead we flew to LA and were shuttled home from there. As fate would have it, we got home at the exact time we would have otherwise, so I guess it all worked out.

In Vancouver, our bus ride to the airport took about 40 minutes and was actually a nice little narrated city tour. The city of Vancouver decided not to employ freeways, which I see as good and bad. The good, which is really good, is that city life downtown flourishes, as do the small businesses located there. The bad news is that getting from here to there can be a real drag.

We sat behind a little boy and his grandpa on the bus. Their conversation went something like this:

Boy, age 5: Poppy, I'm gonna miss you when you die.

Poppy: Well, I guess I'll be watching over you and sissy, then.

Boy: Poppy, I wanna play football.

Poppy: Boy, I know you like to play and get physical, but football's too dangerous.

Boy: Well, then I'll just play fake football.

Poppy: There's no such thing as fake football, son. You need to concentrate on learnin how to read, like Sissy.

Boy: I know my ABC's.

Poppy: That ain't readin. You need to concentrate on your studies, son.

Wow. What a conversation! Anyway, being a poppy sure does sound fun! Maybe I'll just skip fatherhood and go straight to being a grandpa.

(2) Thu Jun 08 2006 18:30 PST Stairway to Heaven: I wanted to post this so as to alleviate any confusion that may currently exist regarding the LDS faith and its tenets.

Letter from First Presidency of the Church to Church Leaders in the United States

We are informed that the United States Senate will on June 6, 2006, vote on an amendment to the Federal constitution designed to protect the traditional institution of marriage.

We, as the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, have repeatedly set forth our position that the marriage of a man and a woman is the only acceptable marriage relationship.

In 1995 we issued a Proclamation to the World on this matter, and have repeatedly reaffirmed that position.

In that proclamation we said: “We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.”

We urge our members to express themselves on this urgent matter to their elected representatives in the Senate.

As you can clearly see, I am merely asked to express an opinion on this matter, either yay or nay as I see fit, as long as it supports the family as the fundamental unit of society. On the flipside, for those who so callously accuse me of not following the prophet, did you actually call your senator? If you did not, then you also did not heed his counsel.

Now to the meat of the conversation, which has unfortunately been taken out of context, The Family: A Proclamation to the World:

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God's eternal plan.

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

Now that it can be read it its fullness, I'd like to express my opinion on this statement. I believe in it. I love it. I take it very seriously.

I do not find within its meaning any clarion call to save the wicked world from the sin of homosexuality. What I do see in it are the attributes that I as a husband and potential father must strive to assimilate. I do not read this statement and think, well, time to go preach to the world how wicked they are. Rather, I see within it a statement that I can use to contemplate, plan and prepare ways to improve myself in regards to my relation with my wife, extended family, et all.

And sometimes it scares me, because I don't yet feel prepared to be a father. The Brethren state: "We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets." I see a plea to families to be true and faithful to one another, and see divorce and disrespect of spouse and children to be the disintegration that is set before me. And that is a problem that is inexcusably growing within the LDS church. I see nowhere in this statement a requirement to blatantly persecute those with beams while my mote grows and blossoms in a redwood tree. Because I should know better.

Of course it is easier for some to say this does not apply to them, that all is well in Zion. "Surely the Saviour is talking about those not of his fold." I sincerely ache for such people. This is a statement for me, and for you. May we use it for ourselves.

In closing, the Saviour spent much of his ministry with the publicans and sinners. And they accepted him, because he did not call them names like "publican" and "sinner." He did not condone their incorrect traditions, but he LOVED them until they changed. May we go and do likewise.

(1) Fri Jun 09 2006 08:10 PST Anti-Dentite: Went to the dentist yesterday, who has become very high-tech in the last six months. Instead of putting film in my mouth for x-rays, the dentist stuck a digital camera of sorts in my mouth. And the images popped right up on the screen before me instantly. I thought that was pretty neat. Then the assistant left them there for me to stare at for the duration, which got old. They're teeth x-rays, for crying out loud.

The dentist came in and told me I had no cavitites. Then he started buttering me up by saying how lovely my teeth were and that, to increase their loveliness, I should get my silver fillings replaced with white ones. But insurance doesn't cover this, so it will cost me $625. I might add these fillings are on my back two teeth, that no one can see anyway. I don't think so.

In college my roommate Alex had silver fillings in all of his teeth. He told me that their dentist growing up was a crook and put in fillings falsely. I guess when it comes to things like teeth and cars I place my trust in the system because I don't know any better.

I miss the days of getting a prize from the dentist for not having any cavities.

(1) Fri Jun 16 2006 08:09 PST For the Birds: Here are some stories I've been meaning to write about:

Story 1: I must have very iron-rich blood. On our cruise, every time we went through a metal detector it would go off, even if I was going into the store and not out of it. I figured it must be the ship's problem. But then in Target the other day I set it off again going into the store, but luckily not going out of it. Now every time I see a metal detector I break into a cold sweat, look for a way around it, and pray as I tiptoe through it.

Story 2: Clayton, a 5 year-old in our Primary class, kept telling me that his brother is in rehab. His brother's like 14, and I had not seen him pass the sacrament lately. I thought that seemed really sad that the poor kid was on drugs. It can happen to anyone, I guess. Well, we had some of our friends in the ward over for dinner, and one of them teaches his Sunday School class. So I asked him about it. Turns out it is a physical therapy rehab center because the poor kid blew out his knee playing volleyball, hence why he wasn't passing the sacrament.

Story 3: Last night at Disneyland Susie and I got front and center seats in front of the castle to watch the fireworks show. In the middle of the show this duck takes off into the sky out of the moat. Just as the duck gets above us, fireworks shoot out from every direction, and the duck turns our way. As he does so, he loses control of his bowels and dumps poop all over the people behind us, and luckily only a tiny amount splashed my way, and none onto Susie. Now I know where the term "scared sh*tless" comes from.

(5) Sat Jun 24 2006 12:32 PST Never a Dull Moment: We went and saw "Cars" last weekend. Lessons learned: Even Pixar can have a bad movie. Not that it was bad, it just was not as good as the previous Pixar films.

We had the missionaries over for dinner on Thursday night. Lessons learned: they eat more lasagne than they care to, and not enought pizza.

Today Susie is having a baby shower at our house. Lessons learned: Crystal punch bowls apparently are not supposed to match.

We went to Disneyland last night, and saw the setup for the movie premiere of Pirates 2, being held there tonight. Lessons learned: It's really tough to get invited, even if you're an AP.

Last week in Primary I mesmerised six children for 45 minutes simply by bringing our Disney Mr. Potatohead to class. Every time the children answered a question right, they got to put another piece on him. Lessons learned: I'm really trying too hard. Such simple ideas are usually the most effective.

Susie and I are flying to Utah on Wednesday for the Fourth of July weekend. We are kind of frustrated because we want to see some old friends while we are there, but will not have a car. And my family isn't returning my calls about borrowing theirs. Lessons learned: There are more ways than one to become an orphan, including cabin season.

And last but not least, the year of the mouse ends on July 16th, and we are not renewing our Disney passes. To fill the void in our lives, we are considering a NetFlix membership. Anyone know if this is a good idea, so we can avoid learning some lessons the hard way?