Dada Da Dada Da Dum

From the 95,000 limericks in the Jim McWilliam collection, endless new limericks can be created through Queneau assembly. Here are ten.

A little four-flusher Miss Ream
For the whites, blacks, hispanics, and cream.
These days he enlarges
Claiming Science enlarges
Who now are a pro football team.
A lonely old fellow named Spence
Of the cosmos, I'd like to make sense.
He learned how to shave
In a manner guite grave
"Anagrams to 'Match intrudes fence!'"
I'll cradle your skin with my hand
Was used to screwing to beat the band.
But now he's employed
Of Peggy Sue Boyd
And if they're not upright, they're grand.
The excitable husband in shock
But, also, I cherish my cock.
Was it her politics
In a case of chopsticks.
And mythical birds like the roc.
A dignified duchess named Sutter
Who attempted to shit on a shutter.
The reeds that it needs
These men are both weeds.
Was a soft oleagenous mutter.
The Brady girls, taking a chance
Wine and food and a warm romance.
And your dress is all wringing
The glass; I like singing
(For my mind has returned to its trance.)
A conniving young fellow named Gus
Lost in space said, "You really can't blame us."
This compulsion to write
It doesn't seem right
"Do it standing, I won't make a fuss!"
Children and mothers in fright
We're in for a heckuva fight.
As a lover, I'm ready
Her spouse muttered, "Steady!"
I'm sorry, my Petal delight.
You are wrong, you abhorrent rejection.
Some claim there's a Darwin connection.
He disported for days
Viewed in other ways
And worried about Lyme infection.
I once met a despondent Canuck
Became a Vancouver Canuck.
While rafter dust drifted
He was terribly gifted
And how I would pluck a Canuck.

New limericks are generated every five minutes. You can get six a day by following @DadaLimericks on Twitter. Or, take it highbrow.

Rhymes are calculated using the CMU Pronouncing Dictionary. There are 1155 distinct sounds for the "A" rhyme and 1035 for the "B" rhyme.

Inspired by Dr. Andy Holding on The Science of Fiction.

This document (source) is part of Crummy, the webspace of Leonard Richardson (contact information). It was last modified on Saturday, June 16 2012, 13:42:54 Nowhere Standard Time and last built on Friday, October 09 2015, 20:05:07 Nowhere Standard Time.

Crummy is © 1996-2015 Leonard Richardson. Unless otherwise noted, all text licensed under a Creative Commons License.

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