Dada Da Dada Da Dum

From the 95,000 limericks in the Jim McWilliam collection, endless new limericks can be created through Queneau assembly. Here are ten.

This opera is gradually sapping
"A mummy's not rummy for clapping."
So we dressed in disguise
You'll tell me no lies.
Enclosed in my Erm's special wrapping.
A cowboy both silent and shy
"That I'm sharp I've no wish to deny."
I don't give a snort
Every week with a quart
Limerick that does it for I.
And then there's the one of Bob Dole
Who for Christmas received a nice bowl
In his impeccable way
"Or are you fading away?"
"Where there isn't a knot there's a hole."
No one knows - but the common report is
While shaving, cut gashes in his.
"Ease up on them, Pa!"
I'm sure it will fill ya
So the best he can do is a fizz.
There once was a gourmet whose waffle
Took Gulf Shores something awful.
When the school board got wind
And most rudely declined
Quoth he, "Ho, my chances are awful!"
Now Adam, mistakes you will make
But his reasons for fighting were fake.
When that alien pest
By left hand caressed
Now Mama enjoys a snake steak.
A snoose chewer needed to spit
Who, pregnant with child, wouldn't carry it.
Then along came a bard
Will work really hard
There's some stuff that you have to admit.
I approached and I said, "Will you hear"
With a pencil tucked behind his ear.
She never had beau
Unhumbly we go
And have fun with the devil right here!
Young Boris, her pimp, was a stud
Keeps soiling her dresses with blood.
"My body's designed"
Men preferred her behind
Leaving the seats all covered with crud.
At the gym, brawny Walter won't wear
I might just be able to bear
His defeat by a dame
Now I put you to shame.
Besides, I prefer to go bare!

New limericks are generated every five minutes. You can get six a day by following @DadaLimericks on Twitter. Or, take it highbrow.

Rhymes are calculated using the CMU Pronouncing Dictionary. There are 1155 distinct sounds for the "A" rhyme and 1035 for the "B" rhyme.

Inspired by Dr. Andy Holding on The Science of Fiction.

This document (source) is part of Crummy, the webspace of Leonard Richardson (contact information). It was last modified on Saturday, June 16 2012, 13:42:54 Nowhere Standard Time and last built on Monday, February 08 2016, 16:55:05 Nowhere Standard Time.

Crummy is © 1996-2016 Leonard Richardson. Unless otherwise noted, all text licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Document tree:
Site Search: