Fortunately, news headlines are quite formulaic. It's now possible to rip them in twain and recombine them to form the real news. So offbeat, it never happened.

Dog Bites Dog

Want it all? Here you go.

About

The original headlines are taken every hour from azcentral.com. The shuffled headlines are updated every five minutes.

Dog Bites Dog is powered by a couple of Python scripts; one that uses Beautiful Soup to scrape headlines, and one that uses FRELI to figure out where to chop up the headlines.

Several problems can lead to malformed headlines (as oppose to merely nonsensical headlines, which are good clean fun). The most egregious (and easy to fix) is the disagreement between a singular object and a plural predicate, or vice versa. Other headlines prove intractable due to the vagaries of English syntax or words that have multiple meanings; the script usually knows to ignore a headline it can't understand, but sometimes it oversteps the bounds of its circumscribed knowledge without realizing it.

Thanks to Sumana Harihareswara for naming this feature.