Sunny 9 for 2005 August 16

I remember what it was like being a teenager blasting the radio or my favorite cd. Blaring music to drown out my thoughts and get lost in the song. Picking songs, bands, or albums to set my mood. I told myself I would never be like some of my Young Women leaders, or my parents, or my friends' parents who had no clue who was the latest band, and what is played out on the radio or not, b/c if it was "played out" it just wasn't that cool anymore. I prided myself on knowing all the words to every song, and all the new bands and getting to be their first fan b/c heaven forbid I like them after they "sold out" and I became a "poser". Ohh such youthful folly. Now, I don't even know the names of singers and groups let alone their newest songs. Somewhere between life and the more important things in it, got in the way. 'Tis true kids, what your parents and leaders say is almost always true. You really don't care when you grow up

Don't get me wrong now. I love music. In seminary we were asked if we could change anything about ourselves, what would it be? I yearned to have a harmonious singing voice. It's interesting to me that whenever I hear oldies but goodies or someone like James Taylor, I always get this "everything is going to be alright" feeling. Like life is so innocent and good. I used to like rap, but whenever I hear it now I get angry and irritable b/c it annoys me so much. How did I ever like that stuff? For good or for bad, I've experienced that music has a hold on you whether you know it or not.

Looking back, it is just so interesting to me how teenage raw emotion relates so well to mainstream music. Thinking back, the music was "my music", "my song", the words were a window to my heart. In a world where no one knew me or what I was going through, I could find solace in a song and I was mystified that someone else knew what I was feeling because I knew "no one went through what I went through" and all the other self-centered thoughts kids tend to adopt. I think the difference is kids pick music to dictate their thoughts, whereas adults pick music to go along with their thoughts. Kids love to blast music to lose themselves into. And I don't mean once in awhile you hear your favorite song and jam out for old time sake. I am talking about every time you get in the car the checklist goes 1) turn on the car 2)pick a cd 3) blast the music 4) drive away. Half the time I forget to just turn on the radio after I have had to haul Lily in her heavy carseat with a good supply of toys to keep her happy. I'm so frazzled that I can't even hear myself think with the music loud. I just like it quiet and background noise.

What's amazing to me though is how musicians that are in their late 20's know how to write songs that teenagers will love. I guess I lost touch with my inner child or something, but I can't really think in the simplistic, raw, and melodramatic way my teenage hormones dictated anymore. Granted a lot of the songs are the same "He was a boy, She was a girl, they fell in love, they had a fight, they made up." I mean there are only so many songs you can write about going to the prom and getting your first kiss when you have graduated over 13 years ago. Some groups just need to give it up.

Having said that, in another life called MTV world, I wanted to be a rockstar. Mom, Dad, please forgive me for watching MTV and when I saw you coming in the room for changing it to Nickelodeon so you wouldn't know that I watched Singled Out.