News You Can Bruise for 1999 October 7

More segfault from me, this one written in frustration so who knows how good it is, although Mike Popovic likes it. I normally don't publish my own stories. But Scott is nowhere to be seen, and I checked this one thoroughly with Dan, so...

Leonard: Do you ever feel like there are aliens shooting a nature documentary about you, or am I the only one?
Dan: I think it's just you.

I forgot to mention that Kris' reign of terror as Daily Bruin cartoonist began today. Behold The Checkerboard Nightmare! A sudden (?) switch to a one-panel format forced Kris to take refuge in hackneyed, punchline-oriented humor, but he showed me one yesterday which is more his style, so it'll pick up. Kris, for the life of me I can't think what the music to that song would be like.