News You Can Bruise for 1999 December 22

I'm in Virginia. I'll be back on the 27th. Don't expect much in the meantime. I just had a salad that had huge blocks of cheese in it. It was good cheese, in many different kinds, but man. Too much cheese. This little salad had as much cheese as a large cheese pizza.

There's no {joy, snow} in {Mudville, Virginia}. What a ripoff! I got a hat just like Lou's in Fargo, but what's the point of having that hat if there's no snow from which it can protect you?