News You Can Bruise for 2005 December 27

Unless you live in NYC this is a boring entry. In fact, I find it a boring entry, but that might be because we haven't moved yet. In order to move we need to find an apartment, which means I must inflict upon you our list of criteria. Please send me mail if you know of an apartment that satisfies the following fitness function. We have other types of search going on in parallel with this one.

Apartment criteria listed in descending order of importance:
 Under $1800/mo
 2 bedrooms
 Brooklyn (Park Slope? Sunset Park?) or Astoria in Queens
 <= 5 minute walk from subway, 10 minute walk maximum
 <= 3 blocks to full service grocery store
 Low crime neighborhood
 Washer/dryer in building
 Low street noise at night, preferably during day also
 Dishwasher
 Big kitchen
 Well-lit by natural light
 Part of house rather than apartment building
 Gas range rather than electric
 <= 10 minute walk to restaurant clusters
 Known responsive landlord
 Little or no vermin problem
 On first floor of building

Things that are okay:
 1 bathroom
 Small apartment building (< 6 units)

I just realized that How the Grinch Stole Christmas has basically the same plot as the book of Job.