News You Can Bruise for 2007 December 25

I woke up this morning deciding to write an Anacrusis about Santa Claus, as my Christmas gift to you, my readers. I announced this plan to Sumana, who said "You know today's Anacrusis is about Santa, right?" Except she said it without the link.

I inquired how Sumana thought I might have known this, since like a magician preparing a trick I had booted up my laptop in full view of her and ostentatiously not looked at Anacrusis before telling her my idea. She said maybe I'd talked it over with Brendan beforehand.

Anyway, here is my totally different Anacrusish story. I like to call it...

Ogilvy

"Ho ho ho," says Santa, "permanently."

"We're here to help, Santa," says Ogilvy. "Don't you miss your core identity?"

"I'll stuff your stocking—permanently!" Santa roars, but there's that flicker of doubt.

"You know what comes after 'beloved symbol reenvisioned as evil'? Semiotic nullity. You merge with the collective unconscious. This is the last stop, old man."

Santa busts a strap.

"Nurse, sedative," says Ogilvy. "We'll walk you back through modernity. Have you ever been a facile metaphor for quantum uncertainty?"

"I see it!" says Santa. "Naughty and Nice, superimposed in every soul."

"Treatment successful!" observes Ogilvy, just as Santa suddenly disappears.