News You Can Bruise for 2009 May 5

My mother still shows up in my dreams. About a month ago I had one which had a recording of her instead of her being alive, which I guess is progress. (Over time, something similar happened with my father in dreams.) I wanted to tell you about it on the anniversary of her death.

The recording was from my mother's perspective. She was at a fair with Susanna. They were sitting in a Ferris wheel, dangling their feet in the air. The fair was noisy. My mother held some fair food in her left hand. I'm going to guess it was deep-fried cheesecake, because she liked cheesecake, and because of what she said to Susanna a few seconds after the recording started: "Nothing but rides, nothing but cheesecake, nothing but fun."

A couple seconds later she repeated it, and turned to look at Susanna. That's when the recording stopped.

Part of it is the fake realness that rubs off from a dream, but that seems like a right thing for my mother to say. If I were one who interprets dreams I'd say that that line constituted some kind of advice from my mother. But it was just the part of her that I remember coming out when the rest of me was asleep. And I can already feel that part start to fade.