La Vie En Rose for 2006 November 29

Done with my final. Now just some papers to write... when I handed in the final my professor went on about how much she liked my last paper, which is odd because I didn't think it was that great. (But she didn't really like the paper that I did think was pretty good.) The whole time she was talking I wanted to ask, so why did you give me an A-? I'm such a wimp! But apparently it convinced her I am Capable of Things, which is Good. As I am not feeling so Capable myself these days.

I am now panicking, as I am wont to do, about my future. What if I don't get into a phd program? Unfortunately none of the back-up plans I have come up with so far make very realistic back-ups plans. Joining the state department? That is probably harder to get into than grad school. Tutoring English in Belgrade? Wining this contest and becoming a travel writer for Lonely Planet? Who am I kidding? The only good backup plan I have thought of is a MLIS at San Jose State. More school! Why not? Of course, and this is not surprising, I much prefer a back up plan that involved Europe. But there is the whole visa problem. The only decent job I have a semi-decent change of getting is teaching at a jc, and even that is iffy. So what is a girl to do? I hate this questioning, and how it comes up every year or two, without fail. I just feel so unqualified for and incapable of everything.

PS: Serbia to join NATO? Interesting. Maybe I can work for them.