La Vie En Rose for 2006 September 11

For a lot of people, September 11 is a tragedy in a very personal way. For me, it's not. It may seem crass or insenstive or may get me put on some kind of watch-list, for in most ways it's just another day. I'd say it didn't have any real effect on me but that's probably not true, it's just not so easy to see. I was 18 in 2001, and those are big years. I think it's hugely significant that I became politically aware in an atmosphere that was so shaped by the aftermath of 9/11. I don't know anyone who was affected by it personally but it was a really tragedy. I've become a secondhand witness to so many tragedies that maybe in some way I'm just saving my emotional capital to spend on something that most people don't bother to remember. Or maybe I'm just jaded with all the politicians--and I do mean ALL the politicians--using it as a tool.

Judge me if you will. I'm not especially proud of this--maybe I wish I felt more emotionally about this day. (I know it's something I'm capable of. Every time the 5th rolls around I find myself counting up to it, then counting back. How many months, it feels like forever, and no time at all, all at once.) But honestly this is what I am feeling, and thinking, today, and though I decided a dozen times over not to share it, now I am, for whatever reason.