Spam As Folk Art for 2010

Mon Jan 25 2010 15:48 Warning!:

Every extra inch gives her extra chance for reaching final destination.
And that's why you'll never catch her, Achilles.
Warning! Our watches are extremely cheap.
No, wait, I mean "Welcome!"
It will be difficult to take the eyes off your watch.
Here, pass me that penknife.
Only a healthy person can live a complete life.
A healthy, dead person.
Our watch will look great even on any loser.
Thanks, guys.
Feel 10 years younger in bed today
With this Transformers quilt cover.
We have invented cheap designer watches.
I don't think it works like that.
No watch will be able to compete with yours.
Progresses through 24 hours in just five minutes.
You need more blood to make your penis bigger?
Uh, no, thanks, I'm fine for blood.
Potion for perfect bouncing!
Will you please leave your pick-axe outside?

Mon Jan 25 2010 19:50 "Details you asked for.":

I got an unsolicited message from a nonexistent domain this morning, with that subject line and this body:

Recipe for great BBQ Sauce:

INGREDIENTS
1 quart apple cider vinegar
1 (20 ounce) bottle ketchup
1/4 cup paprika
1 pound dark brown sugar
1/4 cup salt
1 tablespoon black pepper
2 tablespoons red pepper flakes
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup lemon juice

DIRECTIONS
In a large container, mix together the apple cider vinegar, ketchup, paprika, brown sugar, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, garlic powder, Worcestershire sauce and lemon juice. Pour into an empty vinegar bottle, ketchup bottle or other container and store in the refrigerator for up to 1 month.

That's it. No links, no attachments, no images, no hidden HTML. There isn't even anything funny in the headers. Presumably this was just a live throwaway test of some new botnet, but it looks pretty good!

What do we think the recipe actually produces: good sauce, bad sauce, hidden messages, crystal meth? And if it really does produce sauce, how does it taste on... Spam?

Tue Mar 16 2010 16:04 One Day, I Would Enact a Commercial Loan:

My weblog gets quite a few spam comments for financial services, written in a stilted style and thesaurized vocabulary that reminds me of a young child playing dress-up, or a space alien in a rubber human-shaped suit. Some gems:

Some time ago, I did need to buy a good house for my corporation but I didn't have enough money and couldn't buy anything. Thank goodness my fellow proposed to take the loans at reliable bank. Therefore, I acted so and was happy with my commercial loan.

This is known that cash makes people free. But how to act when one has no cash? The only one way is to get the mortgage loans and just credit loan.

Tue Mar 30 2010 17:36 Zap!:

Today's charming spam must have gotten through the filter because of its awesome subject:

glass of rocket juice. "I

The text came from Danger in Deep Space by Carey Rockwell, 1953, one of The Tom Corbett Space Cadet Stories. Excerpt:

Connel followed Roger and Tom to the control deck. Loring and Mason were still in the positions they were in when Tom had fired his paralo-ray. Connel took Tom's gun and switched to the neutralizer. He fired twice and the two men rose shakily to their feet. Connel faced them, his eyes burning.
"I'm going to say very little to you two space-crawling rats!" snapped Connel.

Illustrations include "I know we're going to be sent to the prison asteroid and we deserve it," said Loring and The jet cab raced along the highway to Venusport.

Fri May 07 2010 09:07 Subject Line Instructions:

"swallow several times to equalize the pressure. T"

Thu Jul 22 2010 15:34 Rejected Titles For the Encyclopedia Britannica:

Subject line: Special discount for sumanah. music in the Encyclopedia leukemia

Tue Sep 21 2010 20:24 WHAT DOES THIS MEAN:

Subject: Quezon South chose had

Current systems of classifying forms of life descend from the thought presented by the Greek philosopher Aristotle, who published in his metaphysical works the first known classification of everything whatsoever, or "being".
Smith, Vicki (2007), "Belize beckons with unspoiled Caribbean isles, friendly faces, rich marine life," The San Diego Union-Tribune, February 18, 2007, at SignOnSanDiego.