Dada Da Dada Da Dum

From the 95,000 limericks in the Jim McWilliam collection, endless new limericks can be created through Queneau assembly. Here are ten.

We've all heard of Little Jack Horner
Who played with his plums in the corner.
She parted her ass
More abdominal gas
Boasting "Good for a spot on Time-Warner."
There was an old Bishop of Mounds
It is art, or maybe the sounds
They all said, "Hooray"
It's really O.K.
Not true! 'Twas a boff with Tess Rounds.
A recruit in the battle of Aix
The Y chromosome changed to an X.
She preferred not to spar
Those dear Scots won't get far
Equivalent to having sex!
To the doc went a fellow named Jock
For his neck was as stiff as a rock.
So the Northerner's claim
"Come on, play this game."
And each time it chimed -- what a shock!
In my pool, seven swans all a-swimming...
My filter all clogged from poop-skimming!
This gross impropriety
I crave some variety.
With avian shit, my life's brimming!
Don't throw out those "houses of glass"
They may lack some breeding or class.
They started to test
So why get so stressed?
He said, "I hope HIV doesn't pass."
Now I propose a new plan
Be the president, so he's my man.
Rap noise I can't bear
That is mean and unfair.
But the doc just prescribed him some bran.
With breakfast in bed, a TV
And then we'll determine the fee.
While in back, he would bugger
With his Louisville Slugger
With Piglet before he was three.
There're others who've taken that tack
Was hit with a panic attack.
Now I'm ninety, of screwing
"Gad what is he doing?"
New Shakespeare thing, "Romeo and Jack."
Of Sis Chris I'd just like to say
Would cruise in his own special way.
The tools that I use
"Your screws have come loose!"
And ease through a loving soiree.

New limericks are generated every five minutes. You can get six a day by following @DadaLimericks on Twitter. Or, take it highbrow.

Rhymes are calculated using the CMU Pronouncing Dictionary. There are 1155 distinct sounds for the "A" rhyme and 1035 for the "B" rhyme.

Inspired by Dr. Andy Holding on The Science of Fiction.

This document (source) is part of Crummy, the webspace of Leonard Richardson (contact information). It was last modified on Saturday, June 16 2012, 13:42:54 Nowhere Standard Time and last built on Tuesday, June 27 2017, 07:05:03 Nowhere Standard Time.

Crummy is © 1996-2017 Leonard Richardson. Unless otherwise noted, all text licensed under a Creative Commons License.

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