Dada Da Dada Da Dum

From the 95,000 limericks in the Jim McWilliam collection, endless new limericks can be created through Queneau assembly. Here are ten.

If he'd listened in school, then he'd know
"Bridlington's nice in the snow."
Went down on the barker
With a Magic Marker
Hormone-itch which makes my juices flow.
A well-stacked stripteaser named Heald
Who never to critics did yield.
With Dick, their width and length
He cried, "God give me strength!"
Who happened to cross that antique 'uns field.
The turbine designed by young Blair
Had to dress up before they went there.
Just a sausage of dough
Was dragged in that whore, so
As Daddy approached on the stair.
Our C.E.O. was promoted: to rejoice
Did shave his balls -- that was his choice.
Now she doesn't spend much
For a sensuous touch
Either her or a brand new Rolls Royce.
There were two young ladies of Nice
But she's terribly frightened of mice.
It's how they gyrate
So let's celebrate
So he fucked her without thinking twice.
There was a young sailor named Gore
Who knew all the coital lore.
But after some sneering attack
(You talk 'hind my back)
Ensure that your lim'ricks don't bore.
Disposable condoms? You see?
Confusing to someone like me.
They should drive the point home
In Stutgart or Rome
No man treats you better than she!
Not content with the cash that they took
And its curious drivers I'll hook.
In water, get traction
Was just a distraction.
And call me a "Damn redneck crook!"
While married to Hillary, Billy
Who thought the whole thing was quite silly.
If deep in your soul
The best Gallup Poll
They'd only be gilding the lily!
A naughty young lass played the cello.
So poor that they can't afford Jello.
You cannot deny
Now we get it, Oh my!
I'd be a very happy fellow.

New limericks are generated every five minutes. You can get six a day by following @DadaLimericks on Twitter. Or, take it highbrow.

Rhymes are calculated using the CMU Pronouncing Dictionary. There are 1155 distinct sounds for the "A" rhyme and 1035 for the "B" rhyme.

Inspired by Dr. Andy Holding on The Science of Fiction.

This document (source) is part of Crummy, the webspace of Leonard Richardson (contact information). It was last modified on Saturday, June 16 2012, 13:42:54 Nowhere Standard Time and last built on Saturday, June 15 2019, 21:30:04 Nowhere Standard Time.

Crummy is © 1996-2019 Leonard Richardson. Unless otherwise noted, all text licensed under a Creative Commons License.

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