My Seussical Life for 2005 September 11

We drove the 18 hours straight each way to and from Utah last week to attend my grandfather's funeral. Driving, I cried listening to Dar Williams. This summer has been very difficult for me. I feel like I'm mourning my fractured family for the first time in my life, though I know it isn't the first time. It is just the first time I'm neck deep in parenthood and trying to sift through all the poor nurturing that went on when I was a child, trying to find any crumbs of good that I might want to use in caring for my small boys. I've been so angry at my father and mother. Somewhere in my mind my grandpa got lumped in with all that emotion, so I've disregarded him for the past five years. Sad to say, I didn't feel the loss of his death until after the funeral when I visited with family at Grandpa's apartment. I walked into his bedroom, smelled his scent mixed with Old Spice calogne, and realized I once was a little girl who adored her grandpa. But it is too late. Dead is dead. Live and learn, I guess.

Dave says I need to eat more ketchup :).