News You Can Bruise for 2012 May 15

I accidentally wrote a lot of this commentary as chapter 24 commentary, because the ambivalence scene really wants to be part of 24. It may have originally been in 24, but I had to move it out because there was too much stuff in there already.

One bit in the final chapter is presented out of order, but there's it's still chronological from a certain standpoint. Here in chapter 25, I just wasn't a good enough writer to present the events of the novel in strict chronological order. I don't know why this sort of thing bothers me so much. (Actually, I do.)

I'm tired of getting interrupted every week to write the commentary, so last week I made them my main project. I've completed commentaries up to the end of chapter 33 (but haven't chosen the images, which takes a while on its own). After chapter 36, there will be some short commentaries on the bonus stories and "Pey Shkoy Benefits Humans", and possibly one more on the book as a whole.

If you've read the paperback, the spoiler thread from last week is still open for your questions and comments. Here's last week's Tetsuo-licious Twitter feeds, and now commentary:

• Could it be that Tetsuo's excitement about being on Earth is starting to wear off and he's now experiencing culture shock? That's the most likely explanation, but I don't want to admit it, because I designed Tetsuo to handle culture shock better than any other character in the book. Not immune, though. According to Americans I've talked to who've lived in Japan, there's a cycle for these things.

  But Tetsuo's also mad at Ariel in particular for being a hick. This was strengthened a lot in the third draft. Ariel's misconception about Curic's ambivalence wasn't originally cleared up until a Curic scene in chapter 26. But there's absolutely no way that misconception could survive a conversation with Tetsuo, and no way Ariel wouldn't bring it up as soon as he could talk with Tetsuo.

  So I had to rip out the explanation of ambivalence, move it to chapter 25, and port it from Curic to Tetsuo. And while Curic's attitude towards Ariel's misconception was (and will be) "what did I expect", Tetsuo gets angry.

• The ambivalence thing is my little trick on you, dear readers. The Brain Embryo games are ninety million years old! They were produced by a society that clearly had huge problems. Don't assume they're representative of modern attitudes. In this respect, moving the ambivalence reveal to chapter 25 is a big win, because it immediately precedes another problem with a video game's outdated assumptions:

  

• In chapter 18's Brilhantes 5 review, Tetsuo showed himself to be extraordinarily naive about the cultural context of human video games. By chapter 33 he understands it about as well as Ariel does. This chapter, 25, contains the inflection point in the process: Tetsuo's horrifying experience with Temple Sphere, a best-selling game about genocide, a game for which his friend shares indirect responsibility. This is his Ev luie Aka's Ultimate DIY Lift-Off, and the Temple Sphere scene mirrors the chapter 12 scene where he walked Ariel through Ev luie Aka.
• One reader mentioned it was odd that Tetsuo doesn't know what the Tools of Justice look like, since he has the strategy guide right there. The official explanation is that Tetsuo wants to experience the Tools in-game and hasn't looked at the strategy guide yet. The unofficial explanation is that the scene with the strategy guide originally took place in chapter 27 (there's a different strategy guide there now). I moved it here so we could take care of all the Temple Sphere stuff in one scene, and so this scene would have a payoff instead of just being interrupted by Ariel's mom.
• The potted plants on a warship are a little tribute to the mood of Keith Laumer's Retief stories. No reason the warship can't look nice!
• "There's already a video game about ports" is my in-world nod to Portal (see chapter 12 commentary).
• "It's not a tumor!" is another goofy reference I worked into the story just because I could. I feel dumb even pointing that one out, but I have a hunch that "it's not a tumor" is kind of an America-centric reference. (It's from Kindergarten Cop; specifically, the trailer for Kindergarten Cop.)
• In a few chapters you'll find out what is the deal with Ariel and Jenny. By that I mean, "why aren't they fucking". Look how they bicker! It's embarassing, like watching Garak and Bashir go at it. So what's the holdup? you ask voyeuristically.

  I originally wanted to leave this unresolved. I don't think a platonic friendship is a "thing" that needs "explaining." But people demanded explanation. So, I told myself that if I could think of an explanation that wasn't a total cliche, I would put it in the story. And... I did think of one.

  Enough about that for now. I bring it up because up to this point I've kind of wanted to let you think the explanation might be that Jenny's lesbian. But the "pretty-boy who cuts himself" line in this chapter puts a stop to that.

  (The pretty-boy in question is Josh Rogan, who's mentioned in this week's Twitter feed and never again. Although next week's feed implies Jenny has been putting things up Josh's butt. And no, that's not the explanation.)

Now for all you loyal commentary readers, it's time for the first ever Constellation Games deleted scene. Early in the second draft, this chapter ended with Ariel and Tetsuo on the commuter train to Ariel's parents' house in College Station. I'll present the train conversation and then explain why I cut it:

---

"Do people ever ask you what your real name is?" asked Tetsuo. "When you tell them your name?"

"No," I said, "but I'm not a space alien who took a Japanese name."

"It seems very rude," said Tetuo.

"What is your real name?"

"Why do you ask me the instant I tell you I don't like to be asked? Tetsuo Milk is my real name."

"What was your name before you learned a human name to change it to?"

Tetsuo made a reluctant sound and then said "Don't transliterate that in your blog."

"That's pronouncable," I said. "Why'd you change it?"

"We always adopt local names on contact missions," said Tetsuo. "We've got to prove we're the most adaptable species in the universe. We're pretty conceited, honestly."

"Hey," I said, "that's our schtick. Humans are the most adaptable species."

"According to who?"

"That's just how it works. Everybody's the best at something. Farang are the strongest, Barbarians are the fastest, Her is the creepiest. Humans are the most flexible."

"Are you designing a role-playing game?"

"Better me than somebody who doesn't know basic rules of game balance."

"Everybody thinks their species is the most adaptable," said Tetsuo. "It's like patriotism. You like the Longhorns, your parents like the Aggies, who's to say who's right?"

"Those are football teams," I said. "Patriotism is for countries."

"Well, you get what I'm saying."

---

It's a pretty funny conversation, which is why I present it now, but I cut it because it has serious problems and I make better use of its ideas later on:

• See above re: Tetsuo's journey towards understanding human games. At this point, Tetsuo absolutely does not know enough to make the connection between Ariel's species-essentialist attitude and the character creation tables in RPGs.
• But Ariel should have seen enough variation within ET species (compare Tetsuo to Ashley to Charlene Siph) to start to question this attitude, or at least not say it to Tetsuo's face.
• This scene introduces the idea that Tetsuo doesn't want the general public to know his native-language name, which is good stuff. But as soon as chapter 28 it becomes clear that there's absolutely no way he would tell Ariel, either.
• I think it's realistic for people in a multispecies confederation to feel patriotic about their species, the way you might have a favorite sports team. But I really doubt Tetsuo buys into the patriotism thing, for the same reason it's unlikely Ariel actually "like[s] the Longhorns". In chapter 28, you'll see this idea presented from the perspective of someone who did buy into it, and it's more effective there.

Basically, a much better scene in chapter 28 killed off this scene. Let's let it rest... in peace.

Tune in next week for the family reunion, during which Tetsuo will say, "Your brother's not a turtle."

Image credits: Thomas Deusing, Dave Herholz, NASA, Maureen Didde, Flickr user Perro Viejo.

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