La Vie En Rose for 2003 December 18

Permalink [No comments] 10 things NOT to do in Church:

1. Talk loudly about how much you loved "Love, Actually."

2. Give a standing ovation after a spiritual number, stomping your feet and yelling "Bravo! Encore!"

3. During testimonies, ask loudly, "Who is this Joseph Smith guy everyone keeps talking about?"

4. Gobble up the entire tray of sacremental bread, then yell "what?" at everyone who turns to stare.

5. Wear an "I am the face of pro-choice America" T-shirt to homemaking meeting.

6. When people start asking "So... when are you getting married?" say, "As soon as same sex marriages are made legal."

7. Bring a Starbucks gift card to the Christmas exchange.

8. Read a Nora Roberts book during Sunday School, then show the steamiest passage to everyone who asks what you are reading.

9. Announce you are bringing a non-member friend to the ward pot luck, then show up with your dog.

10. Go around asking the mother of every missionary when their son is coming home, and when they answer, say, "When should we start planning the wedding?"