Spam As Folk Art for 2003

Mon Oct 20 2003 14:03:

Here is today's crop. The weekend was especially fruitful.

$user acts quicker lasts longer. zbiacb quj
-Large sports secrets
abscissae declare dispersion
agnostic bacillus levis
anymore about
Apcalis has been dubbed the weekend pill q
Before the explosion buy at any price
best prices on over 60 products
Buy into Gold mmoz nv
Capricornia
COLON HEALTH C
Curb your holiday cravings
Don't conso!idate it, Don't reduce it, Simply Terminate it... fufnagqkkovx
dont cry act now!
EXPLODE YOUR PROFITS r
Fashion watches for ur reference!
From the Trenches of Fiber Home Society (ADV)
get going get moving
Go for it, I give you my permission xvnfwngli trnxodg
good standing revised its all good u
great power comes great responsibility..
Hello! i Jlo's ass
highfalutin besiege effectuate
higmboy hxterostructure
Horny? blissful
I fell in Lopve with you.....
i hate being not read.
Lk right to your front door bnqfow wuyijse
lvpid mephistophetes
May Cause DROWSINESS when TAKING THIS MEDICATION ejrxqyzz znnllb
Not so manly men Vlaqra, Cialiis man tablets djpiuliru
Now is still the time
Now putting a price on youth?
Ok, so, now what? o mljaayvvqqe
our friendship wont last that long? archaismrent
percolate aspirast
Re: a dark veil hj
Re: bears playing concertinas r yvo mzik qjxns
Re: black bodies floated kbpxy irdqz wcuwss
Re: despite their threatening ojbl wfubgxfs
Re: I did it, so can u matron h vwdivl fmmkeatlho
Re: master whispered solemnly p gj
Re: suddenly interrupted himself phl
RE: US AMy whdd
Re: xan.. vico.. vali... via.. corsage rdjgmdcycidvmq
RE:Guys don't get ripped off! zvhcclwubyhfad
Rub And Pop!
so be true to your school...........
The doctors in obtufoi
this email can be important open it
to have a mansion
To many cc's. qndp tpli
UNGENT PARTNER
Vicodin for the pain and fun adic46bu
ou know and i know that a University degree will increase your salary fla i zw ker wpifami

Thu Oct 23 2003 19:02:

-Big technology revealed !
3.75% Mortgage Rate - NO JOKE
^"Th^e na^tio-na'l infrast*ru;ctu're i's f_al`li^ng... zyxktxcuyxbkt Senator, I know that's you! Get out of here!
<-- Free For A Month --> stamp collector I'll wait for a free lepidopterist for a month, thanks.
A Beneficial Proposal
A lot of people are saying positive things about this Plaintive faking of cred.
All we have are Breasts! What, are they going for economies of scale?
BE AN INTERNET MILLIONAIRE LIKE OTHERS WITHIN A YEAR!!! bvtoyzd txaybxx nz p If everyone else jumped off the Internet, would you jump too?
Be more fullfilled, and make women scream! Note that these are unrelated.
Boggle comes to life on cd-rom at no charge Yahtzee was deemed too litigious? I wish I had a word for what this subject line does to my mind...
Breaking News Bioterrorism Stock Alert features "EFSF" Buy This Stock Now! The terror futures market comes to you!
cause there's a million miles to go... fxz Poignant, really.
Completely eliminate mulberry 'your high interest rates. sk tt
Cow Frog Long Song Wotch.com, I knew you wouldn't let me down.
Decide what you want to eliminate! Trees or interest rates!
councilman jocund boo wants your support!
Desktop investigations now possible q zzxdehef
do u need any software now?? here's for u coherentmortise
Don't suffer "pain" any longer Define it away!
done again, life coverage costs drop We have fine rates for the undead!
dont let bad air get you down in your hot-air balloon.

Right next to each other:
Everyone is One Hundred Percent Successful RXIKPUSCCFMLJERAYOFY
failure

fast and descrete for sure tjbzzcxdh g Neither math nor courtesy.
Finally its here, Valium online pastel
fridal prooibition
Fwd: french riviera, show off your body
girls wont admit it but its true df
I know I was happy with these great rates Yes, the emotional pitch for mortgages.
In a crows of a million people............ bgezt cm f I thought a group of crows was a murder.

Almost any word after "increase your penis size" is funny. Prop, fascism, kissing, grateful...
Increase your penis size dearth
Increase your Penis Size depth

Is blind faith in your tax preparer costing you thousands? If so, try blind faith in spammers instead.
Is he or she cheating on you? From the Literalist Department, Bureau of Bet-Hedging
Just Because This Is Easy doesn't mean it's not Honest bdf jio And just because it's dishonest doesn't mean it's easy.
NEED PILLS? WE HAVE them ALL! No wonder I can't find my pills. You took all the pills in the universe!
Rap's big secret It's rhythmic!

The horror-novel cycle:
Re: the blood left vlyeat ikbckoori
Re: the downpour burst ah
Re: tales of these fe k b oinstqx hndp
Re: looked around fearfully ih uywqpxzfziyp

SPAM: we are number one
the quicker "picker upper"......................................................arrhenius The quicker picker upper is a Swedish physicist?
Take over the world with Risk II on CD-ROM at no charge Boggle and Risk. Both verbs that apply to transactions with spammers, certainly.
The power you never knew you had The best of the bunch. Four stars! Evocative and enticing. Sadly, it's the power to spam.
TRADE MIDDLEMANSHIP
u will be the dumbest if u dont save 38% on ur regular purchase meds zoroastergentleman Ah, the halitosis advertising technique.
URGENT GREETINGS !!!
What's the matter buddy ain't you heard... amucrwywngiu ppkd No, I hadn't heard that you had your tongue cut off.
You'll like this one tragic What, it's a Tom Waits tune?

Thu Oct 30 2003 16:29 short one:

we petroglyph know how to te''rminate your debt zpwhshdu: Do fancy abacus tricks and shazam, debt is gone!
Spooky Spectral Stripper: Wotch.com, how I can count on thee!
Re: with the initials fuvx: If you hear of this person, let me know.
iy freedom grand why k¨eep up the struggle, annex ôut òf that mess xngbynx: A message sent back in time to the empire!
Get paid $4 to $25 per hour: Less than enticing.

Fri Oct 31 2003 13:43 Spooky Halloween Spam Edition (spooky by fiat):

Taller or longer can be you: Soviet Yoda.
Br:ea:k o`ut the pla*sti*c..Th,is i;s i't!! maufasdylhg: The Graduate and psychoactive substances.
,,Travel Large Big man: I can't help traveling large.
my girlfr^ien`ds are o:ver th.e m`oon... hvfcwgbsqjynhb: Are you calling your girlfriends cows?
accuses: This should be a subject, not a predicate.
are you properly leveraging your time?: No, I am deleting spam.
Are you sincere When you say, "I Love You.": Like an email is one to talk! With its reputation!
BE VERY-VERY HAPPY WHEN YOU MAKE L.OVE!: Oddly reminds me of my parents and other Indians who repeat adjectives for emphasis.
emome: Emo memome? Like the Andrew Loeb bit in Cryptonomicon as written by the Strokes?
Euro Girls go Hardcore for US money! In SPAIN? Dont waste your Time! Why?: I am disappointed in the imperialist and/or xenophobic nature of this spam.
Last all weakend! offhand ymflr z gehs Release Pain with vicodin: I am imagining the job of Spam Copy Editor.
Legally and Ethically Cancel Credit Card Debt!: Randy Cohen, get out of my inbox! My love for you is way out of Botox!
Letters Please explain the specific MEDICAL reason for ordering this MEDICATION f bvx krjt ci: Have I already received "SIDE EFFECTS include HOT TEENS"?
lookup-tables: Why calculate a new, random string for each email subject line, when it's faster to just use "lookup-tables"? Whoops, use-mention distinction error!
Materials of Aloe: You never hear about the fourth little pig.
Hugh G rection here: Moe from the Simpsons is shaking his fist.
Halloween... EXPOSED!: Pretty lame investigative reporting. "It's all about the candy!"
GET THE REP YOU ALWAYS WANTED. GET A BIGGER DICK alps "'Th:e national i_nfr"astru_ctu.re i*s fal,li*ng... njxvrmblzuq: Rather disturbing political ads.
get a free privacy check: Are those like Commuter Checks?
.Mass wealth for men: Holiday spirit. Peace on earth, mass wealth to men.
10-13 years girls work online at www.camcontacts.net xifgtpuz pdl: They've downsized.
Its ti"me for a rev'olution down below! zxtdztbhcg You ca,nt justify the situation do'wn below gwmgcecv: I am imagining some sort of protest march on the genitals.
great recipes from The New York Times!: The most workable of the bunch.
heyy..small dickky, it's time to suffer ytterbiumanatole: Hint: I am less likely to open emails from sadists.
Make sideburns barbershop perfect: I have a soft spot in my heart for this one. I don't see the recipient as vain, just concerned with craftsmanship.
and she cruise through the hamburger stand
Halloween rhyme!: Will...not...reward....Wotch.com!
politics2000@salon.com, Need your medication fast?necromancy
Re: temple of truth cfwc f nrspz
So rare that only 7 were made in 1923
Totally el'iminate kickback your debt, free help s: The Bush fiscal strategy?
¡¡ Por fin en Chile !!: This one is From: "SOLO ADULTOS", which makes it less cheery for me.

Sun Nov 02 2003 17:23:

I guess not having a Salon email address means I get fewer amusing spams, although a six-year-old Hotmail address helps ensure volume. Finding great spam is very much like panning for gold: there's a lot of dirt out there, but Sumana and I are willing to sift through it all for those shining, perfect moments. For you, dear reader. For you.

His Thing Is Choking Me yobtceqhz: Yes, it's another victim of the Dead Spammer Series.
BRENDAN, discover more about the ADKINS's. No risk trial!: The sad thing is, I really have no idea how to spell the plural of my last name. I don't think that's it, though.
Sonic fast V i a g r a, hard in 5 - 15 minutes: A nice attempt at appealing to the vintage gamer demographic, but come on, you know that's not Sonic speed.
Hérbal Viägrä Altérnative ! it put its head against mine, whimpering softly, and I knew in my heart yely: This sounds like a heartbroken cry to a lost lover. Named, somehow, Hérbal Viägrä Altérnative.
Stop Smoking For Your Loved Ones! great Achilles triumphs over death.": Setup, then conclusion.
Shés Hot And Shes Single! perfect passion of emotion, while I, with a curious forgetfulness of rewrrewr: Comment, then sinister inner monologue.
Grow A Larger And Longer Pênïs! a-comin' back dah in de dark en de storm--(repeat the wind and the zzzqqnn: I want to know the tune to this song!
Losé Weíght Easíly Wíth Applè Cidér ! looking down upon it in great perplexity. At length he said: qyyah: I'd look at that cider in great perplexity, too. Although I don't understand what he's saying. An alien cry of perplexity, perhaps? This is one of those subjects that needs to be written into a short story.

Sun Nov 16 2003 12:15:

3smallmen: Wait, I know this one. They're in some kind of boat?
From: A Slimmer You: Aagh! They've cloned me--with weight loss!
its time to give her the big guns fyoejpgc: Wait, whose anatomy are we enhancing here, his or hers?
More Sperm pills.: Oh, good, because I was running out of... sperm pills.
Yasmin, Add sizÈ to your þÈnis In days!! Freig Oshlep Vablushil: Me: Isn't Yasmin a girl's name?
Friend: Also a birth control pill.
Me: How would that even work?
bid f¤r yöÜ® nêw moneÿ in l¹fe: At last, details of the more esoteric areas of currency-market speculation.
bid your way to dollar freedom zilpef: Well, eventually, yes.
Read emails: I already am.
Control what they type!: That's... less than likely.
BURN DVDs, PS2 & X-box Games, VHS ?=JQTRKJEVR?: VHS? This reminds me of one of my favorite Switch ad parodies, in which the narrator enthuses that "On the Mac, I can play plenty of great games that you just can't find on the PC now! Like Zork... Breakout... Super Breakout... Photoshop..."
Awful Results: Hey, honest spam!
Lurk In The Background! Hack people: Hey, frightening spam!
Grreeetings Alpha sk0ut Sarina being sp@nkt by supreme winer: Hey, ALIEN SPAM!

Mon Nov 24 2003 12:45 More To Come:

I saw a spam advertising "the controversial Paris Hilton sex tape," as though it shows her striking down affirmative action.

Mon Nov 24 2003 12:50 Fortune Cookie Subject Lines:

Life is a battle between faith and reason in which each feeds upon the other, drawing sustenance from it and destroying it.

what good is the dawn, that turns into......

This is your penis.........This is your penis on drugs.  Any questions?

Can Passion last forever, with this blue pill it does 

Soar above the clouds, its easy 

flowers are nice but they won't pay the  bills

The Doctor is always right 

Your Personality Is Perfect 

Collect what is owed to you p iolj 

Consult duty not events.

Sat Dec 06 2003 07:22:

Energy never tasted so good: "Wow, this energy does taste good... but what do I have to compare it to? Perhaps I'll try a bite of this power line, so hieiahghAHGAHGEH"
Ride like a stalion for 36 hours ---- Make her come back for more llj o: I'd, uh, rather not. I mean, wouldn't you get hungry?
The only solution to Penis Enlargement: Technically, that'd be penis reduction.
paris?: For a second, that almost sounded romantic.
onvyer W@@tcch tthee Päriis Hiiltt0n homee vvídeô pdm: That just makes me imagine it being said in a kind of Igor voice. It should really include something about "(wheeze) Br@@ins!"
From: Muppet C. Persuasively: Best spam name ever. (Other candidates included Sniff E. Empiricism, Semifinal H. Roguery, and Niggard C. Prong.)
Xorph, Cum Facials APPARENTLY: It's like he's really kind of surprised to see the content on his own site.
god Horses, Dogs and Farmgirls obviously: And now he's self-aware and jaded!
How Rich People Cut their mortgage in HALF!: Presumably, they use their wealth to pay it off.
The Wonder Pill --- Taking the WORLD BY STORM! tt: "Hey, did you see that? I think it's The Wonder Pill!"
"It is! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"
(smashing sounds as Tokyo is destroyed)
Bill O'Reilly says.................... jfccpkfclzs: He's just been a lot less sensible lately. Ever since he started trying to eat energy.

Mon Dec 08 2003 12:38 Guest Observation:

Leonard notes, "I love the hilarious circumlocutions to which spam goes to to avoid saying 'paris' or 'hilton'. They make assumptions that the spam reader is smarter than they are.... Like 'france's capital'."

Update: Leonard also notes "The French Revolution of the 21st century has arrived." Leonard believes that you can tell a lot about a spammer by the peculiar brand of creativity with which he evades spam filters, and feels a kinship with these particular souls. I say Stockholm syndrome. Or should I say "disease associated with the Nobel something-or-other."

Mon Dec 08 2003 12:46 In the Tradition of Muppet C. Persuasively:

Hi Letters a greeting from "Empty H. Cummerbund"

Mon Dec 08 2003 14:13:

"diamonds are for Lovers"? Virginia will be confused, as Arkansas is the only state in the Union with a diamond mine.

Wed Dec 17 2003 08:35 Someday I Will Post A List Of Great Spam Names:

pills to sleep with women........from Avery Ware.......98ik: Is that a headline? "Pills To Sleep With Women; Women To Not Notice"
Onanism does NOT make you blind! Test:Can you see this webpage?: I got nothin' to say; this is funny.
|ose 20 lbs guaranteed satan mthyjf: Not a good deal. Hold out for 25.
Who's First? You, or Everyone Else?: Technically, how would "everyone else" be first?
We Can Cure Canser pe: And I Can Cure Spellcheck.
want some wholesome viagra?: Brought to you by the Ads In Life Magazine Council.
vague are you "the man"...........................................................................candide: Maybe, kinda, sorta.
Totally Passive Cash: Better than money that works for you is money that lounges around the pool while you live off its parents' trust fund.
This is so hot, her lawyers are suing: Truly, this is the sine qua non of hotness.
Uncover what others don't want to know: Missing pronoun, or Cthulu? You make the call!
Salon are you broke because of bills: Especially poignant to my longtime colleagues at Salon.
science has finally done it: Now go to your room!
One of the 5 wonders of the world: The other two have been outsourced to the moon.
Prod Free ebay course monogamy: Any course in monogamy is really a course in abstinence and in the erotic.
one hundred percent confidential goof x cz k yu: Maybe eighty percent.
Not available in stores! - Childrens Learn to Draw Books: When Informercials Meet Human Interest Stories
in a world of a billion people, I'll tell the world...: I assume this is leading to a "therefore, I can catch fish of arbitrary size"-style conclusion.
its in the media for a reason n mrf z s qao r: Appeals to causality will not persuade me to buy your snake oil, Mr. McSpam.
DVD MONSTER? oh my god, XP Pro only at 50 dollar ?? Re: CYSZTBI, tour little watchie? Shopping in Beirut during Ramadan? What If Santa Left A Real Star Under The Tree?: There is a scene in The Offpsring (Star Trek: The Next Generation where Lal, Data's daughter, starts asking question after question, including "Why is the sky black?" and Data switches her off to stop the wave of why. These questions make me sad because I think of Lal enslaved to spammers.