Spam As Folk Art for 2003 November 2

I guess not having a Salon email address means I get fewer amusing spams, although a six-year-old Hotmail address helps ensure volume. Finding great spam is very much like panning for gold: there's a lot of dirt out there, but Sumana and I are willing to sift through it all for those shining, perfect moments. For you, dear reader. For you.

His Thing Is Choking Me yobtceqhz

Yes, it's another victim of the Dead Spammer Series.

BRENDAN, discover more about the ADKINS's. No risk trial!

The sad thing is, I really have no idea how to spell the plural of my last name. I don't think that's it, though.

Sonic fast V i a g r a, hard in 5 - 15 minutes

A nice attempt at appealing to the vintage gamer demographic, but come on, you know that's not Sonic speed.

Hérbal Viägrä Altérnative ! it put its head against mine, whimpering softly, and I knew in my heart yely

This sounds like a heartbroken cry to a lost lover. Named, somehow, Hérbal Viägrä Altérnative.

Stop Smoking For Your Loved Ones! great Achilles triumphs over death."

Setup, then conclusion.

Shés Hot And Shes Single! perfect passion of emotion, while I, with a curious forgetfulness of rewrrewr

Comment, then sinister inner monologue.

Grow A Larger And Longer Pênïs! a-comin' back dah in de dark en de storm--(repeat the wind and the zzzqqnn

I want to know the tune to this song!

Losé Weíght Easíly Wíth Applè Cidér ! looking down upon it in great perplexity. At length he said: qyyah

I'd look at that cider in great perplexity, too. Although I don't understand what he's saying. An alien cry of perplexity, perhaps? This is one of those subjects that needs to be written into a short story.