Spam As Folk Art for July 19, 2005

Tue Jul 19 2005 21:12 You Got To Keep The Customer Salsified:

We need some more SAFA, so I just went through a list I'd been building up and wrote jokes for all of them real quick.

AS A RESULT OF WAR
We cannot fulfil your insurance claim.
Get hard and Stay hard
Lousy modeling clay!
Your spring body in this message
Now that my personality has been uploaded into the Singularity, I can have new bodies delivered via email!
The mighty cucumber lives again!
Who was that masked cucumber, anyway?
fun players -dv 804 n
At last, Linux supports the Fun media format.
We called you 5 times. - numbers checksummed
They're really, really certain they called 5 times.
At our chemist, you always have top selection of medicaments. vail
When Popeye is your pharmacist.
YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN!!!
KING OF THE RAD D00DZ!!!1
Sabotage.
I'm tellin' y'all...
Bonus: this spam also mentions "Brass Monkey". Bonus bonus: this spam also uses a new technique I like, of repeating a platitude or stale joke and then blurting out some random provocative statement in hopes of making you actually laugh.
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? Foam at the Mouth Don't be so open-minded your brains will fall out. Deadline Choose heaven for climate, hell for society. Sacred Cow
I think stand-up comedy would be greatly improved by the use of this technique.
IA You will win your opponent's money in our casino LIC:J9n3mnf
Meanwhile, my opponent is getting the exact same spam.
Fixed rates will not last long
Then they're not really fixed, are they?
WOW This Works For Me acquaintance
Say, acquaintance, have you heard about new Prell? It's just swell!
now I am a new man
Spamming for potions of polymorph.
It is Rolexwho? It is Rolexyou.
Start your child on the path to conspicuous consumption early by adding product placement to your baby talk.
BEST (!/R.X|) online
Invalid regular expression.
Finally, there's a way
I've always wanted to !
A banker is a fmlow who lends you his umbrzla when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain yg
No, no, you're not telling it right!
Boing... (the sound produced by a little pill)
In a Warner Bros. cartoon, maybe.
what do you have to lose, further details
But I cherish my further details!
these little blues are a festival to my johnson
So many jokes here. Smurfs, Robert Johnson, blues festivals, etc.
Is your website not being seen? Change that quickly.
I'm already compulsively reloading, but I don't think that counts as it being "seen".
Indian holes
You can't outsource it, we need the holes dug here!
Get the same function and pay less
I've already got a 2x+y, I'm not buying it again.
the secret of keeping customers satisfy
Oh, I thought the secret was salsify.
No sale is too big for our dear customers.
Here at Mom's Amalgamated Bioextrusions, we just want you to know that we value your business.
Priced to sell zucchini
Grew too much again this year, eh?
Unbelievable Purchases made simple
"I bought an end to hunger!" "I bought a unicorn!"
GreenTea for Nada
This spam came from the future; they're software packages.
We would like to exchange links with crummy.com
I just bet you would.
your doctor's appointment expires november 11th
After that he has to go back to medical school for a refresher course.
Energy & Ecology defenitions - December 24th
I like to keep up on new terminology defined in the field.
It is very important If you want to save on inks.
Friendly advice from Roast Beef.
abolish all sores and aches
By act of Congress!
FW:FW:A New life Can be started today.
In the Passive Voice Protection Program.
FW:FW:Choose the quote that matches your financial needs
Well, I liked the one about the banker and the umbrella.
iExttendder is here now! Dont waise your time socrates
"What is the good?" Why ask us, old man? iExttendder will surely know the answer!

Spam As Folk Art for 2005 July 19