Susie's Leaning Tower of Chocolate for 2005 September 12

I'm in the kitchen innocently heating up a cob of corn for dinner (lame, I know). All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see an antler! ok, not an antler, an antenna. At this point I begin talking to myself. "Oh no!"

What do I do? Smash it with a papertowel? Eew. I can't even stand doing that with spiders. I know! I'll vaccuum it up- the preferred method for post 7 AM spider-killing. I get out the vacuum. Hook up attachments. Plug it in. Aim at cockroach. Turn vaccuum on. Nothing. It scuttles away when I poke it with the tube but refuses to be sucked up. Stupid cockroach. "It won't work!" Duh, Susie.

What do I do? "I'll smash it with a shoe." I get a shoe from the closet. On my way back I glance at myself in the mirror, holding my shoe and almost laugh. I carefully move my Pampered Chef serving dish away from the hiding antennae. Thunk, "eek!" thunk, "eek!" thunk. "Eek!" Stupid cockroach. "Eek!" It runs into the sink which, of course, has some dishes in it. Well, I can't very well thunk my dishes.

"What do I do?" Turn on water. Turn on disposal. Wait for cockroach to get washed down drain. Well, a cockroach that won't get sucked up into the vacuum isn't just going to be washed down the drain. It took some careful aiming of the water, using a knife, to get the guy down inside. Crunch, crunch. "Eew."