(3) Mon Apr 02 2007 12:02 PST NYC highlights: (in no particular order, after the first one):

• Seeing Leonard for the first time in almost a year
• Watching USC get beat, haha, in a sports bar in the Upper East Side
• Being in a real city for the first time in ages
• The view of Central Park from the "Top of the Rock"
• Finding that book on Serbian history at The Strand
• The view of lower Manhattan from the Staten Island ferry, looking so
• pretty and perfect from a distance that they could have been in Disneyland
• Hearing French spoken at least once a day, and other languages, and different accents in general, making me feel like I was back in Europe
• Seeing crocodiles at the Met and the Cloisters
• Reading my Lonely Planet guidebook pretty much cover to cover on subway rides
• Walking the Brooklyn bridge in the rain
• Watching hour after hour of "Reginald Perrin"
• Practicing my Cyrillic in Little Odessa.
• Walking, walking, walking

Food Highlights: (pretty much every meal was memorable. I wished there was a way to eat without getting full.or fat!.because there were so many delicious things to try)

• Having a delicious bagel with lox cream cheese spread
• Shawfel, a combination so perfect I can't believe I've never had it before
• The best sushi I've had in a long time in the East Village
• Freezing at the Shake Shake
• Pizza at Leonard and Sumana's Battlestar Galatica "party"
• Trying cheese at the Greenmarket in Union Square
• A very memorable - and delicious - and slightly irreverent early Seder
• Chatting with Leonard's clever and interesting friends over a gourmet dinner at 8 1/2

(1) Tue Apr 03 2007 15:16 PST "I thought it was a bird but it was just a paper bag":

Maurice Michaud was not really unhappy. He had a unique way of thinking: he didn't consider himself that important; in his own eyes, he was not that rare and irreplaceable creature most people imagine when they think about themselves. (Némirovsky, Storm in June)

Oh, I wish that were me, too! Then I wouldn't be in for so many disappointments. I didn't get the ORS I was counting on, so I have to cobble together funding for my phd on my own.

But I mustn't feel sorry for myself... there are lots of people who would love to be in my position, loans and all….

Wed Apr 04 2007 11:32 PST Some random thoughts about books: There's a new Sophie Kinsella book—Shopaholic and Baby! No, I haven't read it yet. I refuse to buy it because a) my Sophie Kinsella collection is strictly for British editions b)I'm poor c) the last two Sophie Kinsella books have been somewhat disappointing so I don't want to waste my money in case it sucks. I will, of course, give it a try… Also there's a new Maeve Binchy book, they're both in hardcover so maybe I will go sniffing around the bookstore when people who like me are there and people who don't aren't, and see if I can't get them checked out to me. Of course I should probably turn back in the ones I already have checked out first, but I still haven't read Renfield: Slave of Dracula. And I don't know when I'll have time to read these books anyway.

(3) Sun Apr 08 2007 13:51 PST My first conference!: My first academic conference was a success and now I am on my way to becoming well-educated and unemployed! First off, my presentation went really well. I did my paper on Vera Brittain's Testament of Youth, which I had originally submitted for a women and war panel but I got put on a British authors and war panel, which was fine. Actually as it turned out, all of the authors people presented on were women. There was a paper on West and Woolf, another on Woolf, and the last one on H.D. After another panel I was talking to a girl who had presented and she said, "It obviously wasn't your first conference because you were actively presenting instead of just reading." I said, "actually this is my first!" On the way home I was thinking about it and I started to wonder if she did say "this was your first" because it seriously seemed that everyone else did just read. Some were better readers than others, more expressive or looked up more often, etc, but… and no one else had a handout. So maybe it is only newbies who put so much effort into it. In fact, I was surprised by the number of people who had pages and pages, went on for twenty minutes or longer, using up extra time that magically appeared because someone didn't show up for the panel, and then still having to say, Ok, I'll stop there. How can you not even time yourself? I know it's difficult to cut out text, but surely its better to do it before hand than in the middle of the presentation? But perhaps I too will soon be blasé about these things.

It was mainly an English conference, a few comp-lit people, and there must have been other history students but I didn't meet them. All the same, it was nice to commiserate with people who are more along the same track as I am than those at my school…. "Do they tell you you won't get a job, too?" Someone asked me. Another voiced our greatest fears: "Which is worst, finding out that someone is doing something quite similar to you or realizing the reason no one's done it is because your topic sucks?" I met tons of people from all over, a lot of international students studying in the states, and people coming from abroad too. A girl from Germany and a guy from Turkey studying in Indiana, a girl from Romania studying in Virginia, a guy from Virginia studying in Scotland, and someone coming from Wales who had done he BA and MA at UCL… Actually aside from the UCR people, I'd day there were more presenters from out of state than from within. It was tons of fun to run around all day with these people and listen to interesting papers and pretend to be smart, or if that didn't work I had an excellent excuse because English isn't my field! But actually I was surprised how much I was able to bring in… after our panel there was a good debate about the authenticity of women war writers, and in others panels I was able to comment on subjectivity of sources, etc. One panel I ended up going to I really enjoyed but I was totally turned off by the title when I saw in the program… "Politicized Ascetics," what the hell does that even mean? (rhetorical question.)

All in all I had a really great time, and I wish I could have stayed for the next day but I decided to come home and work, though I haven't gotten as much done as I had hoped I would, I'm afraid! I was so exhausted from the long day yesterday and not sleeping well the night before because I was worried about my presentation, that I slept for 12 hours! And I got home so late… oh well. I do have a lot of work to do, and another presentation this Friday. It should be interested because it is on my topic (the UCL guy was confused as to why I had applied to SSEES when I was working on Vera Brittian! But I'm not) so hopefully I will get some feedback. The next one is a women's studies' conference so who knows who I will meet! I hope this panel is also well attended (British War authors had 15 or 20, the most of any other one I went to, anyway) because I think I would feel bad if no one wanted to come! But it is an interesting topic, Interpreting women's engagement in politics, so I imagine people will come.

Tue Apr 10 2007 15:07 PST The craziness countinues (sleeping in airports): I have finally decided on a route for my august adventure, partly because I was tired of waking up everyday and thinking something like, "maybe I'll go to turkey," and then spending 5 hours reading about turkey (I won't say wasting time, but travel research seems to be my favorite mode of procrastination, and right now I really need to be spending about 90% of my waking hours working on my thesis), and partly because ryanair was having a sale. So I booked a cheap flight to Venice! The morning after I arrive in London! I figured all I really need to do is drop my bags off somewhere, so I'll do that, hang around for a few hours, then head off to Stansted for a good night's sleep, haha. Actually, the flight for the 1st was $30 cheaper than the flight on the 2nd, so I figure with that money I saved, plus the money from not having to pay for two nights in a London hostel, I can actually afford to visit Venice!

(2) Tue Apr 10 2007 18:15 PST We fondly called it "slEasy jet": The thing about budget airlines is that they keep the fares low by ripping you off in every other possible way. I think this has gotten worse in the few years since my happy-go-lucky days as an undergrad study abroader, back when a euro was less than a dollar and it took less than two dollars to get you a pound. *sigh* Anyway, the 4 pound fare was seriously the cheapest part of my ticket except the 1.75 credit card fee (which is charged per leg, per passenger). There was 25 pounds tax (but that's to be expected), and now apparently they don't even let you check luggage without having to pay for it. 5 pounds per piece, I think more at the airport, and if it weighs more than 15 kilos, it's like 8 pounds per kilo or something ridiculous like that. Needless to say there will be no free snacks, drinks, or friendly stewards aboard the flight. But I'm still flying from London to Venice for $75, so it's hard to complain. Thanks to cheap airlines, I experienced the delights of Paris, Madrid, Nice, and other places that would have been out of reach previous to the budget airline revolution in Europe. I'm really looking forward to being back where all of Europe is just a hop, skip, and 20 pounds away, especially now that they have expanded east. I will probably be spending many more nights on a scored armrest-less cushion at Stansted en route to Krakow, Budapest, Riga… The sky is the limit (as they say).

Wed Apr 11 2007 12:50 PST Never the twain shall meet?: In celebration of the completion of the first draft of a thesis chapter (chapter two, as it turns out), I bring this you tidbit of my thesis (lucky you):

"One British officer wrote a "best-selling epic parody of Hiawatha" describing Salonkia:

Tiadatha thought of Kipling,
Wondered if he's ever been there
Thought: At least in Rue Egnatia
East and West are met together.

This is perhaps the best description of the atmosphere of the Balkan front: the meeting of east and west, with all the implicit reluctance, cleavages, and connections that such a meeting created."

(1) Thu Apr 12 2007 11:59 PST Cat scan?: 9:30 I woke up this morning to a constant little mewing outside my window. I went out to investigate and there was a little tiny kitten nestled in one of the sprinkler beds. Momma cat soon made herself evident, too… (This explains a lot of prowling and growling that has been going on outside my window these few days.) At first she made to run away but then she changed her mind and engaged in a standoff with me, and tried to run me off! Very brave. I wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't take the kitten away from it's mommy, but then on the other hand, it might be given to the Cat People who would foster it out and then find it a nice cozy home, instead of having to live on the street and getting knocked as a teenager like its momma, thus perpetuating the cycle. All the same I hid & let the momma carry the kitten away. Maybe it will find someone else when it has been weaned to give it a good home. It has been known to happen.

In other news I now have a scanner. Oh happy day! Originally I had ordered a cheap, refurbished one from some online store… Bad move. Not only did it not come with software compatible with macs, not only could I not get it to work with image capture, it didn't work at all! I sent it back and they gave me a full refund, but I had to pay to ship it so I was still out $12, which is like half the price of the scanner! The lesson is not to order from shady online stores. This one is 3Btech.

So I decided not to take any more chances and I ordered a scanner directly from the apple store, guaranteed to a) work with my computer and b) work. It came really fast and I got it yesterday! I spend the evening fooling around with it, scanning things in my "scan & toss" pile. I paid a little more than basic to get one with an adjustable document cover so you can use it with books, and it scans film and has buttons you can use to make pdfs, though I haven't quite worked that out yet. I worked on a little setup with a book in my book holder so I can just glance over and read while I am waiting for things to scan or save. Fantastic! Hmm I think I hear a little mewing again… and a big mewing which means I must let tonks in.

(1) Thu Apr 12 2007 13:19 PST The wisdom of ages past: 1916:

To American readers the name Kossovo doubtless calls forth little recognition.

Mr Fortier Jones, you are hil-AR-ious, and you don't even know it.

However, I think his book makes a good point about sticking ones nose where ones nose does not really know all about what is going on. He continues:

But to every Serbian, Kossovo bring up an image of past glory when the present dream of every Serbian heart was a reality.

(Of course the difficulty for an historian in looking at nationalist histories is the discrepancy between historical "truth"—if there is such a thing—and what the general population believes to be their history. Which is one of the reasons professional history is so distrusted in places like, say, Ireland. But I digress…)

And later:

you can be assured the average Serb knows why [he is fighting]. Whether you believe in the Serb's ambitions or not, you instantly see that he believes in them, worships them, dies for them with a gladness that takes little account of self or family… If it meant sure defeat, they would still jump in and fight for their liberty until utterly exhausted. They can not help it; they are built that way. They may or may not be too extreme in this. It is well for Americans, who can sit calmly and weigh the advantages and disadvantages of fighting no matter what is involved, to realize that such peoples do exist.

The point I am trying to make here is less about Serbia specifically and more about a general world view. I think it just shows how easy it is to get accustomed to "our" way of thinking as if it were the only way of thinking, as if people all over the world don't think differently ten times over. Here we are taught, "it's rude to stare." In Turkey, staring is a national pastime. Who is right and who is wrong? No one. But when one goes to Turkey and feels uncomfortable because one is being stared at, one ought to remember that things are not always as they appear to one's self.

(1) Fri Apr 13 2007 00:10 PST London calling: I just sent off an email to my potential--no, my real--adviser at Birkbeck saying I have made up my mind to go there... despite all difficulties which shall be overcome... so that is where I'll be this fall. Come hell or high water or student loan debt. Now to send off my "thanks but no thanks, you should have given me a scholarship" letter to Edinburgh, and fend off any other offers of admission that come, haha.

It's late. I've been working on editing a paper for a conference tomorrow--have to wake up early. I think it's under 15 minutes, I've read it aloud 3 times, very quickly but, I think, well-articulated. Now I know why I suffered through drama all those years in high school, yes NOW I know. One day this weekend is dedicated to chapter one of my thesis--the other, to chapter two.

It occurs to me that I am updating a lot which might give some the impression that I am goofing off and have plenty of time on my hands, so why haven't I returned their phone calls? (Sorry Pat!) Actually it's the exact opposite. The weblog is my only outlet. I haven't seen a friendly face since I snuck over to the Burzlaffs to mooch dinner and leftovers on Sunday. Unless you count the guy who works at Dagny's. Or my friends at Trader Joes. Yes, my life is pathetic. I see people who work at coffee shops and grocery stores more than I see my own friends. Whatever. I'll write more about Tonks' cute habits later...

I'm so tired... maybe I'll sleep a bit and show up to the conference later. Less traffic that way and my panel isn't until 3 or so anyway. But at least I timed myself!

Fri Apr 13 2007 19:54 PST: Back from the conference. Completely exhausted. It was very different from last week--for one thing there weren't as many people. I got there late and felt shy so I didn't make any friends. At my panel one of my presenters didn't show up, and the only audience was the other presenter's husband. I felt clumsy but I got some good advice. The other woman was a history prof at Nevada state. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow so I think I might just read something that is not related to serbia at all, though I only have a little bit left of Fortier Jones. I got there with 20 minutes to go on the last panel before lunch so I sat reading it for an hour and a half, eating my pb&j. Thank goodness I had the foresight to bring both!

(1) Sun Apr 15 2007 16:25 PST Hm: Is republican--as in French republicanism--capitalized? Republican? republican? "he was also opposed to a popular republican (Republican) general, Maurice Sarrail..."

(1) Sun Apr 15 2007 17:42 PST Well: I am now the foster mother of three kittens. Actually, I feel really bad about it, because I peered out the window at the sprinkler bed today & there was momma staring back at me. I invited her to come in but she declined. I honestly thought she'd taken off, else I probably would have left the kittens as is... but each time I went to investigate yesterday I saw neither heads nor tails of her, and it was a cold night so I rescued the little ones and ran off to Petsmart for kitten formula. It rained all night and much of this morning... I hope they will be healthy kittens and have me to thank for it but I still feel as though I interfered in something I shouldn't have. Oh well; too late now. I had thought to hand them over to the cat people who do foster care but they had a recording saying they are unable to accept any more cats or kittens. So then I thought, SPCA... but I am wary of the SPCA, and I looked up some things online and it seemed overwhelming at first, but now it seems doable so now I think I might just raise them myself and find homes for them, therefore not straining any resources that might go to other kitties... I hope I am successful. The only thing is I must take them to vet to make sure they are healthy (they have some sniffles and gunky eyes, I hope just outdoor things that will go away easily), and that will cost $$$, but I suppose I can always eat a little cheaper for a while or something. The little ones are so cute and very sweet, all boys. I will take some pictures, so if anyone wants a kitten... They are about 2 weeks I think, since they have little teeth, so should be ready to go in a little while. I will call the cat people back at business hours and ask advice.

(1) Sun Apr 15 2007 22:04 PST Wow: Sometimes my own typos amaze me. Actually, it happens a lot. I should be typo queen or something.

(2) Thu Apr 19 2007 13:33 PST Slavery: I am a slave to my little kittens. They demand food day and night. They are growing and very hungry! Dr Reno said to give them a little bit of canned food yesterday. I mixed it with formula and gave it to them on a spoon. One of them, the fat one, has gotten the hang of it and eats from a dish. The others just step in it and make a mess. Perhaps they are just not ready.

Second chapter draft is going out to the other committee members. Still a lot of work to do.

(5) Fri Apr 20 2007 16:18 PST Website ideas: What if I made the journals/ boxes I foist upon my friends at Christmas/birthdays to sell on my website? Would people pay enough to make it worth while? Probably not. I would have to charge at the very least $30 for a journal, they take like 10 hours to make, plus materials.

Also, can anyone recommend a good web server and/or website making software... that is cheap and user (idiot) friendly?

(2) Wed Apr 25 2007 09:55 PST 12 year old humor: I found this very funny at 1 am:

We are to call each other by our surnames, except Ethel Hore, who we call by her first name.

--Ishobel Ross, Little Grey Partridge

Wed Apr 25 2007 10:16 PST Today is: Anzac day

Actually I think it's tomorrow over there already.

Thu Apr 26 2007 09:56 PST Hurrah for small victories: Chapter 3 is drafted & sent to my advisor, hurrah.

Just one more chapter to go, hurrah.

The kittens have started to eat from a dish & use the litter box on their own, hurrah.

Thu Apr 26 2007 12:37 PST I am SUCH an idiot: I totally forgot about this conference I am presenting at this weekend. Completely forgot about it, until I got an email saying it's hot in Fresno. I even paid to go to this stupid history banquet thingy on Saturday. I wonder if I can get my money back....

This is actually really indicative of the mind frame I am in right now. I leave tea brewing for an hour, the sprinklers on for five. It is just a matter of time before I lose my mind altogether.

I had a nightmare this morning. My thesis sucked, my computer broke, and my niece didn't love me ALL IN THE SAME DREAM.

(2) Sun Apr 29 2007 14:13 PST I might starve: I am too lazy to cook. to the extent of opening a can. so I am eating beef jerky and pistachios. which will not hold out...

(1) Mon Apr 30 2007 16:39 PST The countdown begins: 5 weeks from today is the university deadline for completed MA theses. The good news is this will all be over in 5 weeks. The bad news is there is a lot of work to be done in the next 5 weeks. I hope I make it.