(3) Tue May 01 2007 16:50 PST So close, yet so far. : Wah. I don't feel like doing anything. I want go home & climb into bed with a kitten or four & read. I don't want to write this chapter. I don't want to edit the other three. I want to be lazy. A pizza from trader joes sounds like a reallly good idea...

(3) Wed May 02 2007 17:31 PST And whine some more.: Sorry for all the whiney posts. I am really miserable & I have no one to share it with in person. Whine whine whine. I am supposed to have a draft to all the committee members by Monday. Ahhhhh

(1) Thu May 03 2007 11:10 PST Whew: I am mysteriously & miraculously feeling better this morning & last night. I came up with a little schedule so I can finish on time. And a reward incentive! If I do all this, then I can treat myself to a massage. I will have earned it.

Today: finish chapter 4, edit chapter 1
Tomorrow: revise chapter 4 & send off, meet with prof, edit chapter 2.
Saturday: Visit Susie, edit chapter 3
Sunday chapter 4 again? Intro & conclusion

Fri May 04 2007 11:43 PST Update: I am already a little behind on my schedule but that's ok, I think I front-loaded it a little bit so I will be able to catch up by monday?

These little baby kittens are at least twice as big as when I found them. They are SO cute. They look like miniature cats now, not just little balls of fur, and they are cleaning themselves, using the litter box, eating solids & I'm going to buy them some dry food today. Little babies. The black & white one has a home, I am working on the other ones.

Mon May 07 2007 23:40 PST Goal: I don't think I am going to make it. Still, I have gotten a lot done. All I have left is to edit the last (and shortest) chapter, write the other half of my introduction, and conclusion. Probably I will read over it again and send it in the morning. Oh well. I can't really afford a reward anyway.

(2) Tue May 08 2007 07:41 PST Bright side: One good thing about leaving this house is I will no longer be sleeping 5 feet away from a side yard filled with whine beagles.

(1) Thu May 10 2007 15:34 PST Wow: The days go by so so fast. I spent most of today struggling to get "employed" by KHSD as a sub... They refused to "hire" me until I showed them my social security card (which is with my library card and jamba juice gift card and other essentials... somewhere) despite having about 10 documents verifying my identity and eligibility to work in the US. I also popped into the bookstore because I thought I had to order a graduation robe to rent. But no, I have to be ripped off and BUY one. $75!!! Graduation is still 4 weeks away but when I asked they went back to get one and I figured I might as well buy it now. Maybe I can sell it to one of the other graduate students who is my size.

Yesterday was my first say as a I sub. I had 7th graders. Actually it wasn't too bad, I didn't take anything too seriously, even when I was asked if I was a student by another teacher (ok, jr high, the kids are 14 at the oldest? Do I really look 10 years younger than I actually am???) but it did go by realllly slow. And I was so tired by the end of it I couldn't think & my brain was fried when I got home. Kinda like it is now. But I really need to get to work on my introduction. Whatever. That one day paid for my graduation gown.... Lucky Susie is making announcements for me so I don't have to spend another $70 on those.

(1) Fri May 11 2007 13:30 PST Woes again: Someone is house inspecting. It is really disturbing to have someone else stomping and slamming when one is used to being entirely alone except for the little mews. Plus he keeps grunting like he doesn't like the results of the "inspection." I had to escape! At least from a distance I can pretend that people are not currently invading my privacy. So I printed out a resume and cover letter and took it to the library to remind them I applied online. I am not hopeful. It is so depressing to have as many skills & qualifications as I do (I have skills and qualifications, right?) and have so few prospects of employment! Hopefully it will be better in London where history is a real industry. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get a job there, I can't think of anything else that isn't morbidly depressing like going back to minimum wage at some shop somewhere. Anyway. Today I am going to finish my thesis for real.

Oh yeah and I opened my robe. It is so ugly and cheap looking. Why can't we have nice robes and rent them? Oh yeah, because they like to rip us off. Well they could still charge the same amount for rental robes. it's not as though we have a choice. Unless people start selling used robes online like they do books. Hmmm....

Sat May 12 2007 00:11 PST Therefore: I hate conclusions. I've already said everything I want to say. why do I have to say it again? It's just repetitive.

(3) Sat May 12 2007 02:22 PST Done: Can it be true? Probably not. I'll be waking up tomorrow morning to find more to do for the rest of my life.

Coming soon: posts on the wind of change in European politics, and other profound topics.

(1) Sat May 12 2007 10:43 PST I've just realized...: My babytalk is extremely close to my attempt at a fake Serbian accent.

This either means my subconscious finds a Serbian accent soothing... or I've fallen into the imperialistic trap of men feminizing/women infantilizing. And apparently neither of those is a word. Of I've spelled them horribly wrong. Ok. Time to go back to bed.

(4) Sun May 13 2007 12:16 PST About thirty years from now: After raising my children on complaints about how I hate mother's day because "my mother died on mother's day," they will find out from my sister that this is not actually true.

Oh well. Happy mother's day to those who still have/are mothers.

(1) Wed May 16 2007 16:04 PST misc: Only the little orange kitten is left now. I let him run around so he is not so lonely, and there is starting to be less tension between him & Tonks. He kept waking me up by crawling on me all night. I kept kicking him off the bed.

I am sooo tired... But I am not used to this schedule. So even when I am super tired and I try to go to bed early (early is nine) I can't fall asleep because I am used to going to sleep at midnight! Argh. The good news is after the little schools are out I get to be a "grader" and earn $300 for marking papers. What was Austria-Hungary's most contentious ethnic province: Serbia, Bosnia, Croatia or Slovenia?

(1) Thu May 17 2007 18:36 PST *lines up for quinine parade*: I have bug bites all over my body. Something must be in my room. (other than a scratchy kitten) I hope I don't get malaria.

(1) Fri May 18 2007 18:05 PST If you wanna make sense, whatcha looking at me for? I'm no good at math: I have worked every day this week. Of course it is very hard on me as I am not used to working! Even if most of what "working" entails is sitting and reading and occasionally yelling "Be quiet!" (Actually, come to think of it, that is not so different from what I have been doing everyday in the library!) So I am not good for much when I get home but still have gotten some more done on my thesis. Maybe I am just exhausted from all the work I have done on it this last month or so. Now there is a lasagna in the oven and I am going to take the night off. Tomorrow: more work on thesis, cleaning, and gym!

Its a good thing I have been working because I will really need the money. The euro is at $1.40! Unbelievable. I was at the bank for a while after school today trying to figure out how to send my deposit to the Novi Sad program. In the end I settled for a bank draft ($15 versus $42 for a swift transfer which is what the school wants. Oh well. I just hope it works.) Then the USPS wanted $20 to send it global priority. Yeah right. The postage is going up ridiculous. Almost a dollar just to send a letter to Europe. At this rate I will be sleeping in haystacks come August. Please please let me find a summer job...

Mon May 21 2007 20:44 PST Hi Bye: My parking meter is about to expire. "Becks" has been very unreliable lately. Apparently there is still much work to be done on the thesis. I think I knew this but bah humbug nonetheless.

(4) Tue May 22 2007 21:09 PST No good very bad day: When I was crossing stockdale hwy my wallet opened and all my money fell out. I stepped on a bee when I was running back to get it.

The kitten attacked my key board and removed my shift key and f9 key.

I feel sick. And I'm worried about my thesis. I'm working on final corrections (?) so I'll take volunteers to read it. But really I think it sucks.

Mon May 28 2007 19:45 PST The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing:

My father was gone. I felt I couldn't lose anything else, but just then I realized I already had: I'd lost the hope that I would ever be loved in just that way again.

(1) Mon May 28 2007 22:30 PST Aha: Job fair for the new Sephora Thursday.

Tue May 29 2007 23:15 PST I've all kinds of time if you'll stay: So my thesis is finally done, really this time. Maybe. It is all up to my committee and if they think I have done everything they asked well enough. But I *have* done all they asked. surprisingly, this does not bring the sense of elation that I expected. Maybe because my stolen internet wasn't working so I had to drive downtown to mail it. (And I'm sure it will work fine when I get home). Maybe because, now what? Well, lots, what. Maybe because I walked into a chair in the dark.