Spam As Folk Art for 2007 June

(Sumana) Earnestness Goes To Camp:

• Get the size of your dream in e few weeks with our Penis Enlarge Patch.

  My dream is five cubits.

• From a fake personals ad: I want to create my native home, to take care of someone who will love me.

  Gives "O Canada" a new spin. More seriously, this is more touching than spam ought to be.

• Ladies always giggled at me and even guys did in the public toilets! Well now I laugh at them because I took megadik

  He laughs at the women, too? Because they don't have huge penises?

• Read on and see why the Vibrating Ring is taking the world's bedrooms by storm!

  Aaah! A giant bedroom-invading vibrating ring!

(Brendan) "My name is ( ABD-AL-RAHMAN)": I got my first Iraqi Nigerian email today (or anyway my first that Thunderbird didn't eat before I saw it). It's a pretty obvious angle when I think about it. Are these something everybody's already seen, or a relatively new take?

(Sumana) Sell The Sizzle, Not The Steak: More insults and insinuations about penises: the product will make your unit "so large you will be able to park a car on it." "Be bigger than your girlfriends ex with [product]." Speaking of your significant other: various female orifices will not be able to handle your unit in the post-product era! Right now, in contrast, it's "so thin you can put a ring on it instead of the finger." But, more inspirationally:

[Product] will give you the inspiration for a better life.

Do you want to possess the whole world? Try our [product] and you will be the master of the universe.

From another ad: Full, thick hardons..no more semls    What in the hell is a seml? Do I want to know?

(Sumana) GMail Is Right Out: Excerpted from a sort of fake-personal-ad-phishing junk message I got this week:

Hello, Hans

I think we had correspondence a long time ago if it was not you I am sorry. If it was I could not answer you because my Mozilla mail manager was down for a long time and I could not fix it only with my friend's help I got the emails address out for me ..:)

Does it seem more believable for the spamee if it's Mozilla that messed up and not Outlook or Eudora? And Yahoo! Mail is even less believable. Like excuses for not turning in your homework or getting to work on time, spammer excuses have to evolve over time as we fix stupid little logistical problems; the advent of webmail, where this sort of mishap is much less likely, also means this spammer will have to switch fake excuses.

Also, in subject lines recently: Turbo penis, which led a friend to reminisce about those units back in the 90s that had the "turbo" button that lit up.