News You Can Bruise for 2003 October 23

Bizarrely, John gets graded on decibels.

I'm sure you know of the fiberglass dog head, San Francisco's goodwill ambassador and lackluster icon. Well, there's a trailer out in the marina parking lot, on which three of those fiberglass dog heads are lined up. I looked at them on and off all day, thinking they were jet skis or something, but once Brian pointed them out to me it was obvious that they were big fake dog heads wearing chef's hats.

One of them is staring at me. Its fiberglass eyes bore into the back of my neck. Its... ah, who am I kidding. It's not scary. It's a fiberglass dog head. But that night, the fiberglass dog head snuck into Leonard's house and... yeah, how's it going to do that? It has to be dragged around on a trailer! Jabba the Hutt had a wider range of motion! But then, the owner of a San Francisco weenie stand threatened to remove the fiberglass dog head from its perch, and thousands of people got angry! Well, that's a little weird, but still not very scary. Better luck next time, fiberglass dog head scary storyteller.

"just like grandma used to" -make

Doesn't quite work, but you wish it would.

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