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Tue Jan 24 2012 09:06 CG Author Commentary #9: "Import System":
The flip side is this chapter doesn't have a lot of plot. But hopefully you're okay
with that because of all the fun mini-stories like the Sea Level game/food. It's supposed to
represent the design phases of a software project, where you're
throwing around a lot of ideas but not much is being produced.
Next week is a set piece, and after that the plot won't let up until the cliffhanger that ends Part One. Before that happens, I need to get some solid exoludology in to bring in topics that are important later, like Sayable Spice and Ariel's unsuccessful attempts to translate it.
Before beginning the chapter 9 commentary, I want to get something off my chest about the first sighting of the Farang in chapter 1. In that chapter, Ariel compares their antennacles to the oral tentacles of a "cerebrophage". In the second draft I just out and said "mind flayer". My writing group said I should change it because readers might not know what a mind flayer is. ("Did you mean: mind flower?") Taking their advice to heart, I changed the reference to a made-up reference that nobody will get. Well, at least we're all in the same boat now!
And here's chapter 9. Vent your egg sacs before reading this commentary:
- This chapter represents the absolute end of the abandoned first draft. Beyond this point everything is from the second or third draft.
In a questionable move on my part, Ariel gets an Alien computer
before he meets any Alien characters, requiring that I introduce you
to the species with an infodump ("eight-foot monkey-lizards"). Don't
worry, in just a couple weeks, Alien characters will show up and run
off with the whole damn book.
- Speaking of infodumps, I want to do a little infodump of my
own, about the Ip Shkoy. The Ip Shkoy were an ancient civilization of
Aliens, much like the Roman Empire was an ancient civilization of
humans. "Ip Shkoy" is not the native-language name for the
Alien species. I tried to make this abundantly clear, but I've noticed
well-intentioned people calling the Alien species "the Ip Shkoy" or
ascribing to modern Aliens the (frequently pretty awful) opinions of
the Ip Shkoy. Which would be like Curic thinking that Ariel regularly
offers sacrifices to Jupiter Optimus Maximus.
Star Trek has conditioned us to see an ET species as having a single homogenous culture that never changes, and this sort of confusion is why they do that on Star Trek. That said, I don't think this is anyone's fault but my own. If I'd presented modern Alien society in as much detail as I present the Ip Shkoy, the other probably wouldn't crowd out the one. It doesn't help that certain features are shared by both cultures, such as transitive pair bonding (aka polyamory).
- Recapture That Remarkable Taste, the Ip Shkoy remake of Sayable Spice, is not to be confused with the new William Gibson anthology, Distrust That Particular Flavor.
Charlene Siph is mentioned again, which gives me a good excuse to
talk about Alien names. The Aliens on the contact mission have all taken human first names, but their surnames are monosyllables which I usually generated by truncating creepy English words ("siphon", "somnolent") to four letters. The impression I want is of someone who's trying to be accommodating but doesn't quite have it down.
This is another detail imported from "Vanilla", one that I'm really happy with, one that even becomes important to the plot in one place. And if you like symbolism, check this out: "Ariel Blum" could be an Alien name.
- In the second draft I wrote a whole review of Proty's Big Escape, but turns out it's a dumb idea to insert one game review wholesale into another game review. Let me know if you want the Proty review, and I'll make it the first CG Deleted Scene, even though it's only five paragraphs long.
Be sure to tune in next Tuesday, when Dana will say, "This application will terminate due to suspected theft or circumvention."
Oh, and you might want to keep an eye on @Tetsuo_Milk.
Image credits: Flickr user krusty, Guillaume Piolle, and Flickr user CoffeeGeek.
Posted by zztzed at Tue Jan 24 2012 09:37
Posted by Leonard at Tue Jan 24 2012 09:54
Posted by emile at Tue Jan 24 2012 14:26
Posted by Leonard at Tue Jan 24 2012 15:15
Posted by Susie at Sun Jan 29 2012 12:29
Posted by Leonard at Sun Jan 29 2012 17:28