Behind the Spams

Wed Oct 27 2004 11:28 Behind the Spams:

"Hey, Joe, what subject do you want on the spam?"
"What?"
"It's going out right now! I need a subject from you!"

saving money is the subject

Some from lines:

From: Ayatollah E. Writ
Need a fatwa? He's your man!
From: Cancer viruses.
So that's how they spread!
From: Fred G. French Subject: Frenchs
That's some serious frenchitude.
From: Queen Huggins
Queen of the paper towel people.
From: Foreleg J. Unscrews
He can't resist showing off his prosthesis.
From: Boyd I. Sizemore
When "generate your Mormon prophet name" meets "generate your porn star name".
From: Instantaneous Q. Pips
Starfleet officers! Increase your rank instantly with new Q powers!
From: Leftover A. Beep
"Beep!" "Beep!"
...
...
Hey, wait, guys! There's Leftover A. Beep!
From: Nitpick T. Yoknapatawpha
There's no way to top that name.

And, our favorite, the subjects:

Looking for a promotion? Save your company thousands!
Okay, I won't look for a promotion.
Are you satisfied with the smallness of your johnson
No, but maybe I will be once I stop beating my wife.
RE: The Banks will Compete for your Refi!
Dance, banks! Dance for my entertainment!
Modern Miracles REPAIRS & Builds Your Face
Good thing, too, since my face suffered some earthquake damage and the entire second story needs to be rebuilt.
Let Cupid Do His Job!
Geez, stop trying to fall in love, you'll just mess it up.
if only you had firehouse salamander
Not the best mascot for a firehouse, since salamanders traditionally burn things down.
No Pumps, Weights, Or Exercises for the New Year
Usually people's New Year's resolutions involve starting to do exercises.
Bankers Dont like us!
And cops don't like my profile.
PHARISEE WATCH: Unheralded News
New opportunities in temple-based moneychanging!
Side effects of nacrotics can be kind of cool piezoelectric
If this is their best pitch, they're in trouble.
pain is killing your girlfriend
I never should have responded to that other spam, split her in two!
14, Please Pay
Three of Five, your car payment is overdue!
i called, why didnt you call back
Because you didn't actually call.
Looking to go out tonight ,. Find a date that could change your life here . despite lolly
Lolly's ruined my dates for the last time!
Lonley woman looking to chat
I guess that's better than "Langley woman looking to chat".
Goddess of Love seeks Leonardr newly
Uh-oh, that last sacrifice probably had a defective dove.
Cartie is forever. Are you for it - postfix absenteeism
I guess not.
You, your computer and us
I miss those rollicking '70s sex comedies.
hey sufferers of the world
The new, hipper Communist Manifesto.
I Promised to help 5000 people
And by "help" I mean "spam".
RE: So about those wives Leonardr... :-)
You mean to say I'm holding up Utah's statehood?
Grab this Hot Oil Play
Sounds painful.
i-want-a-trilobite A 1-Step formula that guar-antees suc-cess
Step one: ask for a trilobite. (I'll never get tired of these jokes!)
the Variety. The police
Kurtz's less chilling last words in the original draft of Heart of Darkness.
is your sister suspicious
Susie just open it!
RE RE:Leonardr Dynamite comes in small packages !! abort
As the spammer found out, to their peril.
watch my nose
Why? Gah! That's disgusting!
why does your sister spy on you
Will spam never cease trying to drive a wedge between me and my sister?
Omega Watch
Unfortunately not from the same spam genre as PHARISEE WATCH.
Gambling secrets EXPOSED
You say the games favor the house? NOOOOOO!!
chock f1nd a ch1ck hedgehog
And so Chock the little hedgehog found true love at last!
how about we save you alot of money today
A glimpse into the condescending world of Savings Therapy.
get pains away in this way
Nice meter on this spam.
assist your brother in pain
Hail and well met, brother in pain!
Everyday soft - duty-free prices
All I've ever seen in the duty-free is booze.
Fw: our small talk - Sat, 23 Oct 2004 12:21:52 +0400
If you reference your small talk with a timestamp, it wasn't small talk
noble satan detector
"I say, there's the old cloven hoof over there! No, no need--I'll banish him to the pits myself."

Spam As Folk Art for 2004 October 27