Spam As Folk Art for March 2004

Fri Mar 05 2004 16:49 More Reader Alerts!:

Andy Holloway:

"Tired of looking at your wrinkled face in the mirror as you pluck yet another grey hair and watch the pounds pile on?"
I love the over-the-top prose. It's almost like a hard-boiled, greying detective. "This town is cold and ruthless, like a diamond, or a woman; it ages you and never forgives you for aging. That face in the mirror is mine, and what it says to me is, 'Someday I'm going to slip you up, Spade. You'll pick up a gun and your hand will shake, and that will be the end of you.' I don't look in the mirror much these days."

Kevan Davis:

TAKE A STEP Into The Rx Future, shampoo kinky: Take *two* bottles into the chronoportation pod?
I can pay you USD 100 to help me to find a job , even temporally!!: The time-travelling shampoo salesman thing didn't really work out.
no more endless searching: Buy our CD-rom with the email addresses of all white crows in the universe.
Get cash out of your home: Horrible, horrible cash. Take it away.
Oh! My last weekend! corrodible: I'm afraid the Monday morning acid baths are compulsory.
PLAY BINGO ONLINE FOR FUN OR REAL MONEY: But not both.

Also from Kevan:

Two gangster spammer-names: "Bert Slaughter" and the excellent "Numbers Moses".
And two adjacent subject-lines:-
  D 5635 Mar  6 Emmett Lutz         (3927) FREE shipping watches
+ D 5636 Mar  6 Dianne F. Flynn     (2661) lasts for 36 hours

Tue Mar 09 2004 17:37 Leonard gives us Impregnability J. Jacobi:

and other amusing entries in the spam yearbook include Seismographic E. Figaro, Darwin K. Santana, and Wilmer Hilton (Paris's brother).

go quite slowly to the sideboard: Is this from Eliot?
Become a Pro....Pornstar: It's a warehouse...OF SAVINGS!
Re: BLSGCT, third laconically averred: The unlikely hero always laconically avers disaster in the last third of a second before the explosion.

Fri Mar 19 2004 13:47:

some say it is funny: "Others, perhaps bring cynical, declare, 'It is about time!'"
my scream :(: Howard Dean, stop emailing me! Who do you think you are, Clark?
north: You see a spam here.
Yes, buddy. Just for your information!: There is spam from Nigeria and there is spam from Brooklyn.
Vencil do you like blondes? I hope so cuz you'd like me!!: Not quite a pickup line. A "pick me up" line.

Mon Mar 22 2004 18:42:

this is a turn on: Just as Indian call centers ply their employees with training on small talk and listening sounds and pronouncing the sound "v," 900 numbers train virginal operators with three-ring-binders of sin.
always do what you always done: Status Quo Industries presents: the 2004 Presidential Elections!
Blame the saudies!: A line from this message: "yes yes yes america paid for 911". As remixable as any Rather or Dean quote.
I don't understand why you say that fss p ni iop qo: But surely you must agree that fss p ni iop qo!
we made this cuz you like it: I don't know whether either clause of that sentence is true.

Thu Mar 25 2004 10:19 From Nausea V. Polygraphs:

Also: Unseeing J. Pinkeye (makes sense), Bialystok H. Fourteen (from The Producers For Kids?). Garland J. Dripping (with dew), Entanglement L. Deciphered (Washington as Cryptonomicon character!), Materializing L. Intimately (like Q in Kathryn Janeway's quarters), and Enmesh B. Autograph.

Thu Mar 25 2004 11:58 'Return of the Spam' is a pretty bad title:

If you have any sense, you've already read it, but I link for posterity: Checkerboard Nightmare reminds us that hey, there are two sides to the story.

Also, I really want to get my own copy of the algorithm that produced Dappers U. Trafficking (a Victorian opium dealer?), Lionel Dejesus (Lebowskian: "Nobody f***s with Dejesus!"), piggy reznor (which makes me picture a leather-clad pink stuffed animal, among worse things), weedbub weedbub (which stands on its own), and of course Waveform D. Conquistador, Quantum Hero!

everyday people can turn to millionaires: For what? Scorn?
From nothing to wealth in 90 days: "First, get nothing."
Here You Go Xorph earth: That's awfully nice of you, but where am I going to put it?
Pirates of the Caribbean DVD is waiting for you.: It could strike at any moment!
Re: XHQCOHU, spanish boot hindered: Actually, I think it just did!
Kooagsto my brother was raving about this, so i tried it: Wait, how often does he rave? Was he raving when he mentioned "Kooagsto?"
Re: XUD, of soviet life: In Soviet Russia, UDX!
What are the washing instructions? Xorph! New sooft shopcenter!: So we're... washing a mall? I guess? Maybe on Delicates?
Look at photos of people in your area looking for a date: "No, you can't talk to them. We just put the pictures up to taunt you."
want that dream job? get a dimploma.: This reminds me of my old scheme to set up a cheap school in the Bahamas and issue Doctorates of Nedicine.
Biggest meediation site on net, Xorph!: Ditto.
M0RTGAGE RATES H1T R0CK BOTTOM!! .. .... qprdgkzgfn66: Ah, yet another Dead Spammer. I think he was standing under the mortgage rates.
(9)Hundred per-cent proven to increase your size(36): I like my size 36 already, thank you very much!
Xorph president: Absolutely! (Too bad this came from Nitwit O. Dunlap.)
Muscle strength, reverse your age with HGH: So I'd be -22? Or 1/22? I can never remember how this works.
The CD Satan Doesn't Want You to Listen To: Oh, no, it's a Chicago CD. He just really hates Chicago.
Hypnotic Sessions on MP3 - Depression, Self-Esteem, Motivation and more: Sweet! I've been looking for a way to increase my depression.
More from the Dip Universe.: Truth in advertising?
News: smart sp@m and virus control is here: Hint: If you have to mangle the word "spam" in your own marketing, you're probably doing it wrong.
Explore PRO- Super ViagTra! :-) A subaltern eupepsy tiddler.: I... is that what it really does? Because I'm not sure I want my... eupepsy... tiddled. Really.
Paypal payment for ebay auctions: In other news, food for eating.
fwd:Xorph Farmgirls with Huge Horse Penis brown space: See, that last bit makes it artsy.
Seersucker chiming fantasts bono?: Absolutely!

Spam As Folk Art for 2004 March